» QUESTION: Labour - Day always” feels: ‘like - the beginning’ of. “vacation: for mes: _ describe how happy I'am‘to” --have our: three kids going — - back to: school. They'll’ be out, of my. hair for. several. hours everyday! And that's - something I can’t say about July and August.I really am - as happy as a lark to get rid of them. . : 1 sappose I should state : that I love them very much and that we had some great thnes during the summer, -but ‘the fact remains that -tomorrow when. they. head off for school I'll almost be ready to say, “Good rid- dance!” Now here is the problem. I feel guilty as hell for having that attitude. I feel like I must be some kind of monster to be happy about getting rid of those delightful kids. I really feel very guilty about my attitade. What.can | Ido about it? ‘STEWART: | any. ‘mothers who are heart- _ broken: ‘because their ‘kids. are. heading back to school... -Kids are a nuisance. . It would. be. hard to - 3 Freelance Counsellor Ha yden Stewart may ‘be re at. = ~ 2 forappointments for individual, family or group ‘Counselling. His new -: office in the International Plaza Hotel (Open Tuesda Lys only) is for the ‘=: convenience of North Shore residents. ~~ ; So are ‘busbands. So are ‘parents.-: So are* neighbors _-and friends. Summer ’ trips . are a nuisance. So are cars and meals and baths and making love. and going -to church. They are all a . nuisance. -.$0? Would you like to. give . them up? Any of them? Would you like to put your kids out for adoption? Having the kids go back-to . school is just great! Ad- mitting to yourself that it is great is just great! Why feel guilty? There is a possibility that you feel ‘down’ about your summer performance. You, perhaps, were not as much © fun with the kids as you had wanted to be. Again, why feel guilty? This summer-you learned something about you A message from a fortune cookie — QUESTION: I’ve never been quite comfortable with the LOVE PRINCIPLE that says, “Perceive problems as opportunities”. It is easy for me to see the wisdom in it but I've always had the feeling that it leaves out something. What it says is so portant that I. was grasping the equally portant converse of the principle. As I say, I never quite got a handle on what {t was that seemed to be left out, but the other day while eating Chinese food with a friend. was given a fortune cookie that cleared things up for me. I know it seems silly to make reference to a fortune cookle as though It deserves intellectual respect, but hang on a minute and see what you think, The cookie's went like this: “Where there are advantages, there must be disadvantages”. I only ‘Clark's QUESTION: Would you agree that Prime Minister Clark's boner about the embassy In Isracl is amongst the top ten galis of Canadian history? STEWART: Who's keeping acore? message . have to stretch the point a little bit.to hear the cookie saying, “Perceive op- portunities as problems”! I can see now that my lack of comfort with the “Per- ceive problems as op- portunities” principle has been because I felt it paints too rosy a picture to be realistic, What do you say? STEWART: If you can handle the cookie message positively and without pessimistic dread, it may well be as important as the Original principle. As one perceives and lays “claim to the opportunity that is hidden in a problem, it is realistic to point out that the discovered opportunity might well carry with it a fresh problem! For example: the new opportunity brings with it, let's” ‘say, an exciting new prospérity. Accompanying the prosperity there come the “dangers” in handling the prosperity badly. If the prosperity’. encourages the unwary to become snobbish, or proud or manipulative or dominating, then, lo and behold, the received op- portunity has been turned into something disadvantag- cous and unloving. I feel that you have of- fered us a consideration that is well worth exploring. I don't know and the kids that you can put | to ‘good use,” “Starting next summer?. No, : ‘starting. ‘this afternoon, ‘when .they get home fftom~ school.° All is _well. Keep loving them and — somehow letting. them know it.” read : = different. “(not-. - _!HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT QUESTION: | . grateful for your opinion oF Dale . - Carnegie’ book: STEWART: It. ‘was. a. log long time ago that I read the: book:in question, and soit is only fair. to . ‘say. ‘that my, . opinion of it now, ‘if I were to ment ; be. ‘it. again, book before ever I read:it. I was required to read it for some course: I was. taking the . Dale. Carnegie wae Course). | not in it: Two.of the efforts i it talked © about © ~ are” not _ called’ How to Win: Friends and Influ nce People. _ ou ‘beings, As I read: it: ‘my. heart was: amongst _ “my* “my best.-not to. “influence” er i ‘people. am like having friends and “want. to have | friends, but - ideally (for me). ‘that. joy: never: comes to mé ‘through - ‘my deliberate. and. studied. “efforts to “win” ‘them: I ‘like * to be friendly" and allow my . : - ifriendship “to be available, . Because of its title: 1 had z a. . negative feeling - ‘about: the " Again, ce ‘want’ the reasons for friends”. jand ° favourite. 7 people’ a pastimes. ‘T-have.no interest _ in.* “winning” - friends ‘and try. - want - to “win”... ‘to ber lovingly: available to human - but I-.run from. “influencing” them. I believe: I would fee! this way, even if | ; “winning were. for: “the those procedures’ in ways that would contribute to'‘my — but. I'm. _ Squeamish: ‘about. a “studying chow .to use. some — -method “that will’. “win”, friends forme. /- “success” and ‘ “position” and “status”.: Frankly, I don’t and “in-. “fluence” for my own benefit and success. les ca “ROO Need new v looks for your old furniture? Now j is the right time to have your favorite chair’or.sofa re-upholstered at . very special savings. One phone call is all it takes to . arrange for our estimator to come to your home and show you samples of hundreds of beautiful fabrics in a myriad of textures, designs and colors that. will — delight you. The special price includes stripping fur- niture to the frame, complete cord welting and new webbing where necessary. 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