S32 - Wednesday, October 14, 1992 — North Shore News LIFESTYLES Remove private lives from public agenda DIDN’T MISS Manners admonish you not to go around broadcasting the details of your private life? And isn’t * private life’? a quaint term for the first thing everybody tells these days? Nobody listened to Miss Man- ners’ old-fashioned plea for per- sonal reticence. Drunk with the concept of openness, people can’t imagine a reason other than faise shame or silly squeamishness to prevent the national flow of in- timate information. Those few who wish to be con- ventionally circumspect are prod- ded and exposed, and even blackmailed with the argument that not confessing is tantamount to admitting that one has some- thing dreadful to hide. The telling of private emotions to Strangers is put forward as evi- dence of fine feeling. Surely Miss Manners is not the only person who considers thai, for example, love of one’s own child is a min- imum requirement for humanity, not something to brag about. The blabby bathos of expecting to be admired for harboring nor- mal hiuman emotions, or for con- fessing to human weakness, is what makes her ‘vonder what might be hidden. And now look what has hap- pened. We are having a variety of unseemly public debates in which fitness for one’s professional life — the very opposite of private life, requiring quite different abili- ties and attractions — is measured in terms of one’s sexual conduct or sexual ovientation. What does the personality of someone’s spouse say about his or her character? Are adulterers fit for public office? Should gays serve in the snilitary? : These questions arise from a self-righteous but distasteful defence of what the etiquette business calls nosiness. Ht is not pure prissiness that Miss Manners argues against private life being made public. She does it because she sees what sure- ly ought to be an obvious correfa- tion between disclosure and disapproval: if you open your personal life to debate, you can- not then become indignant because not everyone agrees with the way you conduct it. Tnis society went through a period of falsely declaring itself to be ‘‘non-judgmental.’’ Judging the proclivities of others is in- wUEcethn Martin MISS MANNERS evitable; respecting others only requires that one make the essen- tia] distinction between holding an opinion and expressing it. That is not to say that peaple should not announce their mar- riages or other stable partnerships. Society has a legitimate claim to know whether an individual lives as part of a couple, because social life is based on these social units. And yes, the result will be that many people will form judgments about the taste or lack of it dem- onsirated by anyone’s choice of a particular person. Contrary to the belief that all the world loves a lover, all the world thinks the lover could have made a better choice. There is hardly anyone who does not disagree with any- body else’s taste in partners. By no means does this disap- proval have to be limited to your pariner’s gender or marital status; any individual can and will inspire disapproval. Your choice is too young for you or too old for you, only after your money or only after your body, too flighty or too stodgy, too flashy or too mousy, obviously unreliable or obviously boring. If you want to know which, just ask people. Miss Manners’ point is that you shouldn’t. They'll tell you. Putting private iife on the public agenda legitimates discrimination. Yet it is difficult to defend the victims who bring THURSDA Oct. 18-Ongoing to June. Cantonese lessons. Learn to understand verbal & written Chinese. 4-6 p.in., Sentinel Secondary School. info: Agnes Wong, 929-7522 or Edwin Lee, 922-6928. eee Oct. 15-Ongoing. Deep Cove Parent Participation Preschool has vacancies in its program for 3- & 4-year-olds, starting Sept. Info: Cinty, 929-5200. eee Oct, 15--Ongoing, CAYAC North Shore for Catholic teens. 7 p.m. every Thurs. at Holy Trinity Church Hall. Info: 980-4450. Oct, eee 15--Ongoing. Shotokan Karate Sale Ends Oct. 24 & MJ Ceramic Centre y 1576 Marine & ETD for ages 7 & older. Co-ed program aimed at developing fitness, self- discipline, confidence & self-defence. Info: N.S. YMCA 926-554! or 986- O388. eoae Get. 15--Ongoing. N. Van Youth Band practice for 9- to 13-year-old N. Shore music students. 0-7:30 p.m. on Tues./Thurs. at Highlands Com. School. FRIDAY Oct. 16--Ongoing. Youth Coffechouse. Info: recCentre Lonsdule, 983-6428. eea Oct. 16--Ongoing. fiini tennis for children 6-9 yrs. 3:30-4:15 p.m. Info: recCentre Lonsdale, 988-6166. Sige @ r., West Vancouver their privute lives into places of employment and demand approv- al. Privacy is what is needed, not approval (which provides the op- don of disapproval). Surely the zeal with which peopte speculate on the unfathomable telationship between private behavior and its possible public consequences could be well ap- plied to punishing actual cases where private behavior — from innocent mutual flirtation to crim- inal sexual harassment or rape — is practised an the job. in professional life, it is one’s actions, not one’s proclivities, for which one should be held ac- countable. DEAR MISS MANNERS — I ABBOTSFORD First Heritage Savings Credit Union 17- 34470 South Fraser Way 853-9695 BURNABY B.C. Teachers Credit Union 4162 Norland Ave. North Shore Credit Union 6626 E. Hastings St. 299-2404 CHILLIWACK & AREA First Heritage Savings Credit Union 9240 Young St. 792-0711 Calianwood Mall 22 - 45585 Luckakuck Way 294-3106 858-9191 42206 Yarrow Central Rd. Yarrow Canex Mail, CFB Chilliwack Vedder Crossing DELTA Delta Credit Union 5155 Trunk Rd. 9393 - 320th St. 1521 - 56th SI. 1329D - 56th St. 6955 - 120th St. #101 - 711881 - 88th Ave. HOPE First Heritage Savings Credit Union 2473 Commission St. 869-9942 LANGLEY First Heritage Savings Credit Union 20€27 Fraser Hwy. 533-4664 108 - 19925 Willowbrook Dr. 530-6886 Edelweiss Credit Union $00 - 6339 - 200th St. Delta Credit Union 118 - 19705 Fraser Hwy. MAPLE RIDGE Maple Ridge Community Credit Union 22565 Lougheed Hwy. 463-8821 11935 - 207th St. 465-0207 32163 Harcis Rd., Pitt Meadows 465-6971 MATSQUI First Heritage Savings Credit Union Sevenoaks Malt 209 - 32500 South Fraser Way Clearbrook 2676 Minter St., Clearbrook NORTH SHIGRE North Shore Credit Union 1090 Marine Dr. 399 Bollarton Hwy. 1100 Lonsdale Ave. 2080 Park Royal South 1247 Ross Road 3131 Edgersont Blvd. RICHMOND Gulf & Fraser Fishermen's Credit Union 3471 Chatham St. 271-5918 SURREY B.C. Teachers Credit Union 9648 - 12ath St. Edelweiss Credit Union 10012 King George Hwy. Delta Credit Unien #100 - 2055 - 152nd St. VANCOUVER 8.C. Teachers Credit Union 5594 Cambie St. 4445 Dunbar St. Edelweiss Credit Union 6330 Fraser St, 1867 W, Broadway 734-5779 $837 Victoria Dr. G72-A31t Gulf & Fraser Fishermen's Credit Union 803 E. Hastings St. 254-9811 North Shore Credil Union 1095 W. Pender St. VICTORIA. B.C Teachers Credit Union 30358A Seutt St, WHISTLER North Shore Credit Union 4321 Village Gate divd. 823-6531) 858-7234 946-4423 584-1341 943-7455 943-7455 S973 598-5166 533-5477 533-6653 853-4451 653-6434 988-1126 929-8111 965-4321 926-8571 980-6556 985-0221 381-9828 565-3155 536-7000 324-6355 228-2364 324-7491 685-9362 932-5314 attend a fot of luncheons and dinners on behalf of my company. Falso enjoy chewing gum 2 lot. Consequently, Pm often faced with the problem of taking the gum out of my mouth at the din- ner table or havisg to swallow it, which I do not Jike to do. What is the proper etiquette for disposing of gum at the dinner table? GENTLE READER — Oh, just stick it onto a table leg like everyone else. Miss Manners doesn’t mean that. She says it because she is not convinced that you care about do- ing the proper thing, even as far as representing your employer is concerned. If you did, you would acknowl- edge that one cannot properly chew gum in front of other people at all, and therefore your etiquette problem does net exist; a polite person would never be anywhere near a dinner table with chewing gum in her mouth. DEAR MISS MANNERS — If one person is outside a door and wants to go inside, just as another is inside wanting to go out, which one should go through the door first? GENTLE READER — They should both stand there, gestur- ing, until it starts raining, at which time the person on the out- side should be allowed to enter first. Ever wondered why so many people have taken their banking business to credit unions? GREAT FINANCIAL RETURNS Did you know that your local credit union out-performs most other financial institutions when it comes to: - competitive interest rales that drive up the earning power of your deposits; . flexible rms on deposits of all kinds; - the variety of RRSP and RRIF programs offered to meet your changing needs; and - returning dividends to you as a member ofa credit union. A History oF COMMUNITY RETURNS A proud member of your community, credit unions ensure that your deposits stay home in B.C. to support Iocal credit needs and different community programs. THE RETURN OF SUPERIOR SERVICE Credit union members keep coming back fox the caring, personal, one-cn-one service they receive from credit union staff. If you haven't experienced the difference professional and warm, friendly service can make in your banking relationship, come into your local credit union today! Join the millions who have chosen the many happy returns we're proud to offer - visit or call one of the credit unions listed on this page today. Everyone 1s welcome! DErosITURS PROTECTED UF TO $160,000 edit Union Deposit Insurance Corporation of British Columbia