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38 - Sunday, August 19, 1990 - North Shore News

LIFESTYLES

Neighbors keep asking about house sale

DEAR MISS MANNERS
~ As soon as the For Sale
sign goes up on the front
lawn, one can almost feel
the buzz of speculation take
hold of the neighbors.

They seem to feel that thes
have @ vested interest in our prop-
erty — if we do well, so will they.
if our property does not sell, there
are self-congratulatory back pats
all around — “Weren't we smart
not to list right naw?**

We begin to feel awkward
about stepping out the front door,
as it is impossible to avoid being
asked: ‘*How did the open house
go?” or **Haven’t you sold yet?’’

If we had, the sign on the lawn
would indicate that.
Well-meaning concern seems

iike gloating in disguise. And the
details of our transaction seem not
to he private, either. Without my
disclosing any information. they
have nevertheless become privy (to
where we are going, how niuch we
paid, etc. If details are not forth-
coming from the adults, children
are there to satisfy the need to
know.

Judith
Martin

MISS MANNERS

Am [ wrong in ussuming that
the rule of etiquette on not asking
others about their financial affairs
should also apply to selling the
home?

GENTLE READER — Just a
minute, here. Miss Manners is a
national Jeader in the battle
against nosiness, but the fact is
thar the neighbors do have a4

vested interest in neighborhood
real estate prices. What is more,
the sale price will eventually be a
matter of public record, which
any of them considering selling a
house will undoubtedly consult.

jt is true that ‘‘Haven’t you
sold yet?"’’ is a dumb question,
and that grilling children is dread-
ful. But a little chitchat about a
mutual interest would not be out
of place. Such questions are rude
only when there is no legitimate
motive for asking. When one’s
house is for sale, many people
who would normally cut out their
tongues rather than ask the price
of anything owned by anyone else
might inquire, for the sake of tell-
ing possible buyers they know.

Anyway, this is hardly the time
to worry about getting on cosier
terms with the neighbors. The
ultimate solution to the neighbor
problem is always imoving away —
provided you can get a good deal
on your house, of course.

DEAR MISS MANNERS —
We have old friends — of 45
years — who five aimost 1,500
miles away. We see them when
they come back here every year or

‘HELP’S AT HAND

HELP’S AT Hand, a_ weekly
feature by North Shore Com-
munity Services, answers questions
abeut and discusses such topics as
government policies and _ pro-
grams, benefits, consumer and
legal rights, taxation and public
services.

Answers published in this col-
umn are intended only as a gener-
al guide and should not be applied
to specific individual cases without
further consultation.

kee

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North Shore Community Ser-
vices, a United Way agency, is
located at 1060 Roosevelt Cres.,
North Vancouver, B.C. V7P_ [M3,
telephone 985-7138, This column
is prepared with financial
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iwo, and occasionally we visit
them when we travel to their pro-
vince. Sometimes we write, some-
times we telephone them, and
sometimes they telephone us —
none of this on a regular basis.

When we feel we want to shere
something special, or simply want
(o tatk about a mutual interest on
the spur of the moment, we pick
up the phone. On more than one
occasion, when asking for either
the wife or the husband, we have
been told that he or she ‘doesn't
feel like talking now."*

The tast time my husband call-
ed, and | really think it will be the
Jast time, he was informed that
“Sohn is lying on the couch and
doesn't feel like coming to the
phone."” (They have a portable
phone, too.) Nothing was said
alony the fines of *‘He will call
you back later.” He just doesn’t
feel like talking to you, and that is
thad

You are adamunt about not let-
ting the telephone control one’s
life, but do you not agree that
these responses are insulting and
impolite? {€ think it would be
kinder to concoct a smail lic (*He
is in the shower," etc.) than to
state boldly what may well be the
truth.

There really shexid be a com-
promise between ‘‘doing your own

an

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thing’ and doing the “nice
thing. Just because one is not face
to face with another person docs
Aol give an excuse for being rude.

GENTLE READER — Mliss
Manners aerees that your friends’
Statement is an awkward one.
There isn’t much for the caller to
say in reply except “‘Oh.””

Since they are such old friends,
perhaps vou could learn to
overlook this and simply Jet them
initiate any telephone calls, while
you write instead. It is possible
that they really do tire more easily
than vou realize.

But let us not complicate mat-
lers by saying anyone is in the
shower, whether he really is or
not. Besides leading to ‘‘Tell him
to call me back,"’ it is just far too
graphic an excuse. it’s hard
enough to teach small children not
to say ‘Mommy's shaving her
iegs"’ without starting more of
that sort of thing.

Miss Manners thought you had
all -Tearned from your
answering-machine messages how
to be vague about why you can’t
talk on the telephone, so as not to
alert burglars that you have gone
out and left them the field. Being
so sorry that your or anyone else
“can’ ‘t come to the telephone right
now’’ is the polite way of
avoiding calls.

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