Your ‘style’ is you

QUESTION: Fm a 17 year
old female and I really like
this guy, Tim. (Not his real
name). The problem: Tim
told me he doesn't want to go
steady with me but just see
me on the basis that he can
see other girls and I can see
other guys. Also, he wants
me to go to bed with him but
I don't want to, especially
when I know he'll be seeing
other girls. t's pot my
style. I would also feel
uncomfortable with him if I
knew he was with other girls.
How can I see other guys
when I like him the best?
And I'm sure the guys I see
wouldn't be happy if I was
seeing Tim too. What should
I say and do about Tim?
Confused. Help!

STEWART: The _ hardest
thing about seeing other
guys when you lke Tim the

Question

QUESTION: This question is
from me - Hayden Stewart. |
would like to solicit hetp
from you, the readers, in
getting me ready for my
summer vacation in July or
August. I have a yen to get
ahead of myself in preparing
my columns, so that when |
am away, ! can forget them.
Good idea? Here’s where
YOU come in. If you have
been thinking of writing, or
plan to write to the coftumn,

‘Llove

There’s a commercial
plugging some sort of
cosmetics that shows a close-
up of the  beaatifal
bespectacled boss,
presumably speaking to one
of her employees and saying,
“I love you Harry - bat
you're fired”. That's not very
funny if it actually happens
to you. She did not quite say,
“I love you”. but she praised
me up then gave me the old
heave-ho, ending her
comments with, “You just
don't fit in to my plans”. She
did not event ell me what her
plams were, so I'd have a
chance to fit into them. I see
ao justification of what she
did, or how she did it. Do

you? Women bosses! Y euch!

ewINng
Koom

1717 LONSDALE, NORTH VAN

988-5822

best is in deciding to do it.
It’s really a very cool idea.
After all, you don’t own Tim
and Tim doesn’t own you.
He can still be the one you
like best at the present time,
but keep open to the fact
that there are a bunch of
guys hovering around who
some day will make you
wonder what the heck you
saw in Tim. It’s a wonderful
feeling having one special
guy, but it’s a better feeling
still to have one special guy
and a few others too.

I'm not talking about
going to bed with them. You
have already decided that is
not your style. And you have
told us also that it is not your
style to sit stil for a guy
(even if he is very special)
whois doing a little discreet
bed-hopping on the side, but
still coming to you when he’s
in the mood. To accept that

I would like it so much if you
were to do it early. Like
now. it would be very
helpful if | were to receive a
backlog of questions, so I
could do some columns
ahead of time and relax on
vacation. 1 have a feeling
that Norma (my vacstion
partner) would like that too.
So, you will make two very
nice people happy if you “do
it now.” Have I not told you
before that we are “two very

ou, bu

STEWART:

You have not told me a
thing that would help me
answer your question. I'm
sorry you're fired. But 1
don’t know why you're fired.
Perhaps you had it coming to
you - perhaps you didn't.
Perhaps “her plans” included
building up a staff of persons

as your style — and put up

with it is a devastating sort of
self put-down, and that you
don’t need.

Enjoy Tim (and other
fellows too, if you wish) as
long as you enjoy them. And
when you find you are NOT
enjoying them, because of
their style, or because of
your own style, back off with
decisiveness and _ self-
respect. Someday you may
want to change your style.
But NEVER get it into your
head to try to change
someone else's style. It
doesn’t work. And NEVER
get it into your head you are
ready to change your style
for the sake of someone
else’s approval. It’s your
style. Live happily with it ‘til
you know it is time to change
it with yoy and honesty.

from Hayden

nice people?”

STEWART: Your point 1s
clearly made. I hope a lot of
people will write their
questions in soon. You
should have told them to
write questions that are
related to what the publisher
calls “a slice of hfe.”
are the most useful of all for
a column like this.

a
ee0

who are not in the mood to
say, “Women bosses'
Yeuch!” And perhaps she's
right. Perhaps you do not fit
mm to those plans of hers
You'll never find the answer
to that in a newspaper
column. Your answer is
more likely to be found in a
more pnvate place, lke
inside your Own person

Have to mull it over

QUESTION: What sort of
questions would you like
your readers to ask that will
give you a chance to harp on
your favorite subjects?

STEWART: What a
question! It just sounds

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QUESTION:

I am ane exuberantly
enthusiastic person, about
all sorts of things.

Sometimes I wonder if | go
too far in it. I like being that
way and so perhaps | don't
realize it when I pull out all
the stops. Does enthusiasm

CS-Sunday News, May 18, 1980

*

bother people?
bother you?

Does it

STEWART:

Not when it’s honest. But,
when I sense that someone ts
Irying to impress me with
their enthusiasm, it bothers
me some yet its so enjoyable

REWARD

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Male - Two Years Old

Missing since April 30th, in Park Royal area
Has West Van. Dog Tag Licence 797 and choke collar
Any information re: sightings or whereabouts

please contact:

Patti Bancroft

“Summer Fun’
sA495°°

res - 926-4696
bus. - 682-8920

1401 hornby st. Van.

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ask hayden stewart

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242
forappointments for individual, family or group counselling His new
office in the International Plaza Hotel (Open Tuesdays only) ts for the
conasemence of North Shore residents

Don’t try too hard

when it ts valid that } don't
do much scrutinizing. I like

it immensely. Keep it up.
But back off when you
discover you are even

shghtly theatrical about it. If
you don’t TRY for a standing
ovation, you re-more likely
to getit

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