50 ~- Sunday, December 3, 1987 - North ‘Shore News. : Lifestyles. WORKERS SHOULD NOT BE TREATED ACCORDING TO GENDER Let them eat c« DEAR MISS MANNERS — I would like your opinion on how to show appreciation for services rendered by the very heipful staff — two secretaries, a head mainfenance man and two or three maintenance men under him — at the fair- ly large complex in which I rent an apartment. The custom of the few people I know is to give something at holi- miss manners by Judith Martin day Ui time. They give 510 each to the men and cookies to the women. I wonder how. many cookies the women can eat. And why the sex difference? One person said he gave money to the men and gift certificates to the women. GENTLE READER — Money for men and cookies for women? And where are the smelling salts for poor Miss Manners, who has just fallen over in a heap? She would have thought that the practice of treating workers accor- ding to their gender would have been stamped out by now. But your horrifying example illustrates how deeply ingrained is the mis- understanding on which this is based. ft may even be that the ‘“‘gift certificates’? one person gave the women were equal in value to the cash he gave the men. That still wouldn’t make it right. The distinction is based on the idea that it is not quite nice to give women money. And why is that? Because people have long held the myth, in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, that women properly belong only in the social realm (where there is plenty of work, but without wages), while men divide their lives between that and the workaday world (where money is the chief measure of achievement). The fact that poor women worked for whatever moncy they could get, since the world began, did not interfere with this idea, but Miss Manners thought that the in- flux into the market of women from all levels might have. In the social world, money is a crass present. It means you have no idea what your friend would enjoy. In the business world, it is inappropriate to try to guess how an employee would enjoy having the money spent; one gives it to him or her to spend. Even a gift certificate is limiting. Miss Manners urges you to give cash bonuses to all of these valued workers. If you can’t bear to hand money to a woman, by all means put it in an envelope. DEAR MISS MANNERS — Hav- ing reared five children of my own, I feel 1 should be an expert on playground etiquette, but today there was a new situation for me. My 22-year-old. grandson had climbed on (o the platform for a slide, when a girl came up to the platform and ‘he proceeded to point his finger and say, ‘‘Pow!’’ 1 immediately said ‘‘No, no,’’ to him. I could see the girl’s mother was not pleased (and I know my daughter does not allow her son to play with guns), so I made light of okies! it and said, ‘I guess that’s the way to get rid of girls.”’ The mother said, ‘‘Is that the way (to get rid of girls?”’ and took her daughter away. Later I thought maybe { should have tried to get my grandson to apologize, even though I'm not sure he would have. What should I have done? GENTLE READER — To teach a child that small to apologize, you not only explain why and how, but you do it with him: taking him by the hand, announcing, ‘Timmy wants to apologize,’’ and then say- ing, ‘‘Timmy?”’ pointedly until he mumbles something. But in this case, it would have been even more appropriate, because the fact is that you both needed to apologize. Your remark about getting rid of girls was of- fensive. Now, Miss Manners knows you didn’t mean any insult. But just as you probably did not question your children’s playing with guns, you brought them up in an era when the idea that it was accept- able for boys to exhibit hostility to girls was commonplace, even con- sidered amusing. People look at both of these things more seriously . now. If you recall how racial and other slurs were aiso once categorized as easy playground humor, you will understand that inis change in playground etiquette is for the better and you and your grandson can both learn from this experience. Increase Your Personal Y coh prsonal Free yourself forever from the embarrassing problem of unwanted hair with approved electrolysis. Stop hiding your good looks behind ugly facial and body hair. Electrolysis will return your skin to that baby smooth soltness.., we now have one of the most advanced electolysis machines Compu-Blend. Compu- Blend’s advanced technology centres around a built -in computer. 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