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46 - Wednesday, March 20, 1985 - North Shore News

Tipping in a Sushi bar

ask you about the practice of tipping as it

D EAR MISS MANNERS — I am writing to

relates to three situations which are outside
the realm of conventional dining.

by Judith
Martin
|

The first occurs in a sushi
bar, where the preparer and
server of the meat are one
and the same. I have noticed
glasses sitting on the bar,
similar (o those used by
bartenders to promote
gratuities, Is a tip here a
given, or is it optional?

In addition, when a dif-
ferent person serves bever-
ages and presents the check,
should this person also
receive a gratuity? If a credit
card is used, which of these
people benefits?

|

The second situation has
to do with Chinese dim sum,
which involves the delivery
of the various foods to the
table by severnl different
waiters offering selections
from carts. Again, there is a
beverage server. Who merits
atip, and for what amount?

The third instance is the
breakfast buffet, during
which the waitress’s only
service to the pstron is to
pour coffee. Surely she is
not entitled to the usual 15
to 20 per cent tip.

Lhope that you can offer
some guidelines, so that I do
not inadveriently slight
anyone who has provided
service.

GENTLE READER —
Unless you obtain a copy of
the work schedule of the res-
taurant, and also make it
your business to do a study
of the performance level of
each employee, you will
never reach that godlike goal
of distributing rewards ex-
actly according to deserts.

Miss Manners advises you
not to try. Put your 15 or 20
per cent tip on the bill,
regardless of the type of res-
taurant or service, and let
the restaurant worry about
distributing it.

Each of the people you
mention is on full working
duty during your meal, and
worrying about how hard
they work will only upset
your digestion.

|

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DEAR MISS MANNERS
— My good and longtime
friend (we go back some 40
years to third grade) recently
wrote to me one of her typi-
cally interesting and chatty,
albeit infrequent, letters. My
pleasure in reading the wei-
come missive vanished mid-
way, when I encountered the
following:

‘Sa. 2 meant to tell you
that ET never use ‘Mrs.’ Use
of ‘Miss’ or ‘Mrs.,’ I
believe, simply enforces the
double standard.

‘+ “Mr.* does not reveal a
man’s marital status, and I
do not see why 2 woman
should be identified in this
way. Indeed, 1 really don’t
like ‘Mrs, John Doe’ — my
name is not ‘John.* .

“I wish, indeed, that {,
like Geraldine Ferraro, had
kept my own name, but,
barring that, I prefer ‘Ms.

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Mary Doe’ or, if something
is for us both, ‘Mary and
Joha Doe.’

“Hope you don't think
i’m being picky, but if
thought you would want to
know that I really hate
subverting my identity to
that of a man.”

By the time I finished this
message, I was hurt and
angry on the one hand, and
filled with remorse on the
other. Why had she let me
carry on all these years ad-
dressing her in a manner so
distasteful to her? She had
always addressed my mail te
“*Ms.,"" but
unencumbered by a spouse,
the analog is inexact.

It is the wider question
that brings me to Miss Man-
ners for guidance. I do give
some thought to ‘‘Miss"’ or
“*Mrs.’’ for my female
friends and relatives, but not

) Co.

5742 Beresford St.
Burnaby, B.C.
Phone: 437-1131

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since I am |

fo the issue raised by Mary. I
do not like to think of my
well-meant missives being
received with resentment
because of my insensitivity.
GENTLE READER — Miss
Manners wishes to assure
you that you have not been
insensitive, but cannot guar-
antee that this will protect
you from that charge on the
part of not-very-sensitive
people, such as your friend
Ms. Mary.

You cannot have been of-
fending her all these years,
nor could she have been ad-
dressing you as ‘‘Ms.” for
that long. The term is not
that old.

Had you used her given
name in formal address
when she was a bride, she
probably would have told
you indignantly that she was
proud to bear her husband’s
nume.

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915 West 1st Si.
North Vancouver BC.
Phone: 985-6155

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