4 - Wednesday, April 8, 1992 — North Shore News Do we really need the men’s movement? 1 HAVE been cautiously poking my way through some of the basic literature of the ‘‘men’s movement.’’ Cautiously? Hell, I have been turning each page of each book as though I were peeling back the cover on something ex- plosive. So far so good. That is, J think so far so good. Is it possible I have been a bit grouchier than usual? A tad quicker to snarl? I never bite, of course. fam far too well-trained for that. Never bite women or children. I was taught that early. As for biting men, forget it! I learned that when I was real small. I don’t know who the first (and probably last) man I ever bit was, but I’}l bet he swatted me pretty hard, because the lesson sank in. To this day, | rarely fantasize about biting anybody, least of all a fellow adult male, who's of course liable to kill me. Fighting? Now that’s something else. I haven’t been involved in a physical fight since 1976, or somewhere around there, but every once in a while I do get the definite urge to punch someone out, and God knows how often I’ve considered ramming someone with my car. Say, two, three times a day? Some days much more often. Don’t worry, I’m not danger- ous. Probably a whole lot fess dangerous than most males, as a matter of fact, since | managed to avoid learning how to play hockey, football or anything else involving group mayhem. The discerning reader will note at this point that I am stewing around in my own words, trying to avoid the topic: the (wince) men’s movement. First of all the idea of men needing a support network — and judging from what I’ve read so far, mainly white men — seems gratuitous. it’s tike that stupid anti-animal welfare group called People First — as though people hadn’t always put people first. It’s a given that most of our re- corded history involves patri- archical societies and with the ex- ceptions of a few standout Ama- zons, queens and warrioresses here and there, warfare has been a male-dominated field of endeavor. ae SSR BREA Bob Hunter STRICTLY PERSONAL _ Fretting about the sufferings of poor, mixed-up white men ina highly-industriauzed society just doesn’t seem to cut it on the pri- ority list, what with the world’s population about to increase by another billion in the next decade, and nearly everything that lives already on the endangered Iist. Yet, after having fretted about nearly every issue in the world at one time or another, I find myself being drawn irresistibly to books like Robert Bly’s Iron John, A Book About Men, and, more recently, Sam Keen’s Fire In The Belly, On Being A Man. In the case of the second book, 1 was so embarrassed when I went to buy it that I asked for a bag, something I normally never do. I did a quick fade out of the store, hoping no oppressed gay person or feminist or ethnic mi- nority would spot me: oh Lord, the shame! A middle-aged English speaking heterosexual white male buying a book about ‘‘being a man!”’ (A Canadian, at that.) The stercotype of *‘men’s liber- ation types” running about the bushes. beating on drums, crying on each other’s shoulders is prob- ably about as accurate as the cari- cature of ferninists all being dykes. Stili, the phenomenon hasn’t been picked up by the mass media, except derisively, which would make sense, the media con- tinuing to be overwhelmingly male-dominated. Most reporters, and hence edi- tors and publishers, are guys very much like me: so manly we wouldn't want to be caught dead with a book about men’s lib. Can you imagine the snort of contempt I'd get from Doug Col- lins? Trevor Lautens would make great sport of me, wouldn’t he? And, of course, I can’t just cry and run away. If they were to taunt me, I’d have to pick up my word pro- cessor and duke it out with them... You see how hard it is to get away from machismo? Why not just whine and roll over? It works for dogs. They haven't come close to destroying the world. But no, macho guys like Doug and Trevor and me can never ac- cept defeat. We have to win. It’s built into our DNA. Ah, well. Having exposed myself in public as a reader of wimpy men’s movement books, | can’t be laughed at any more than I'm already going to be laughed at, so I might as well sum up my findings and take my lumps. It turns out, just as | was afraid, that men have been ripped off by ‘‘society”’ every bit as bad- ly as women all down through the ages, and continue to be, even here in Canada in the 1990s. The theory of ‘‘male domi- nance’’ can be stood on its head rather quickly just by looking at the life expectancies of men and women. Can the ‘‘winner’’ really be the one who dies on the average a de- cade sooner than the ‘‘loser?”’ What kind of a victory is that? Of course, as women rise in the ranks, learning to smoke and drink and power-lunch, their average life expectancy drops, so it is likely that a new kind of balance is emerging, and there by JAMES RUSSELL Diane Payette is a woman with a vision. For the past seven years, she has been active in the helping profes- sion. She now has a private practice, Rutley & Payette, on the North Shore. Diane's vision is to con- vince the general public that counselling can be of value to everyone. Most people still believe f that going to therapy is a sign of weakness, or a ; proof of insanity, this is certainly not true! Why would a person want to go to counselling? Payette explains that 23 YEARS SERVING may be no point, after all, in whining about the unfairness of it. Things are stressful on top, that’s all there is to it. There is more to the literature on ‘*maleness’’ than mere warmed-over feminism with a twist. There are peculiar aspects to the process of males being screwed up as they go along that women ought to know about, especially now that males have generally been sensitized to women’s needs. My mission, in the next couple of columns: to save you real men the embarrassment of going into a book store and having to buy one of ‘‘those’’ books. Hey, I’m doing it for the guys, OK? I mear, I don’t need that stuff for me. Hey! Hey you! Yeh, what’re you smirking about? : Funding campaign confuses A TELEPHONE campaign in- volving the solicitation of funds for the Search and Rescue Society of B.C. does not benefit the North Shore Rescue Team. Said North and West Van- couver Emergency Program coordinator Ross Petezson, “The local team does not benefit in any way from this campaign, and in fact loses the support of residents who are under the impression that they are contributing to their own team, “The Search and Rescue Society of B.C. does not make this distinction clear in their solicitation.’” North Shore Rescue does not solicit funds by telephone. Said Peterson, ‘‘Service clubs, individuals and the three municipalities have been very generous to us over the years.”” To support the volunteer search and rescue services on the North Shore, contact North Shore Rescue at 165 East 13th St., North Vancouver, or call 985-3713. F-4-S-T COLLISION REPAIRS CALL THE PROFESSIONALS AT : J2XLORMOTIVE 1959 LTD. FREE RENTAL COURTESY CARS B.C.A.A. APPROVED — A.R.A. CERTIFIED .C.8.Cc. VENDOR FOR ALL MAKES AVYLORMOTIV QUALITY WORKMANSHIP TRUSTWORTHY SERVICE VS TNORTH VAN. SR'SYSRT vrs 9BG7 459 NORTH VAN. ms counselling is an oppor- tunity to transform a dif- ficulty into a possibility for growth. “We often cannot control the people or situa- tions that seem so frustra- ting and painful. “The only person we can truly change is ourselves. The change has to come from inside out. “When we change, we often see others change in response to us, thus raini- mizing our frustrations’ In addition to counselling, Diane uses hypnosis and a variety of relaxation techni- ques to encourage and reinforce that inner change. ADVERTORIAL Ry DIANE PAYETTE, M.A. Registered Clinical Counsellor and Hypnotherapist Diane is warm, caring and an exceptional counsellor. Speak with her personally by calling 986-9304 for an initial consultation: at no charge, Remember, the right counsellor does make a difference. Cal! now and find out for yourself.