MY TALENTED friend Walter Learning, a leading figure in Canadian theatre circles, says that one rule is inviolate: ‘‘Thou shalt not, under any circumstances, bore thy ass off thine au- dience.”’ Gary tke SAE Sas OPEN LINES By religiously adhering to this principle, he has achieved acclaim in acting, directing, writing, and managing fine theatre companies: Theatre New Brunswick, The Playhouse (Vancouver) and, cur- rently, the home of Anne of Green Gables, Confederation Centre in Charlottetown. It was with this warning in mind that we wrestled with the urge to write about the current fortunes of Social Credit. A tac- tical manouevre was required — some sleazy writer’s device. A bolt of inspiration brought nudism to mind. In my fledgling days of radio, four of us formed a team known as ‘‘The Investigators.’" It was lively stuff. We did the kind of underworld and commercial crime exposes that the station advertis- ing promised. But there was a disturbing shortage of scandals for 22.5 hours a week of broadcasting. Our hope was to pop off two or three new exposes a day, and regurgitate them for weeks there- after. At times, things became desper- ate. A colleague of mine was reduced to counting the number of peas that came in a tin. If the manufacturer said you would get 2,000 peas per can, my teammate would count them, hoping he could startle the world with the revelation that only 1,990 were found. “Fraud,’’ he would scream. Peas led to carrots, pears, beans and a bottomless resource of in- vestigative topics. He was too busy counting to hear the parox- ysms of laughter down the hall. At least he had something to report on air. One worrisome summer day, as I doodled my way through the mail, an intriguing invitation popped out. It asked me if 1 would agree to be a judge in the “‘Miss Nude Pacific Northwest Pageant,’’ to occur some weeks hence at a nudist park near Aldergrove. We leapt at the opportunity. Officials provided assurance that a judge could remain clothed. We arrived for the big two-day event to be greeted at the gate by a naked lady. This was a test for the skills of eye contact, so dear to every politician. This gathering of the buns from the Pacific Northwest would con- vince the Statue of David to re- consider his wardrobe. Humans from a few months to age 90 were flopping around everywhere. Finally, seated on the stage at a cute little table, my fellow judge and I were issued instructions. It was a new version of the shirts and the skins. We were the guys with the clothes, mystified why this made us feel uncomfortably neuen peereepenat eee Bannerman | GIRTHRIGHT | conspicuous. Our job, that Saturday, was to choose 10 finalists who would ad- vance to Sunday's finale. The problem was that there were oniy six candidates. We were told io go through the motions of judging before telling all of thern to go forward to the next round. We sat and endured the awkward parades and pirou- ettes. I didn’t return for the finals. Television subsequently reported that the winner was the club sec- retary who had briefed us on the Saturday. Since she hadn’t been a semi-finalist, my guess was that she must have got to the other judge in my absence. You might be wondering haw all this relates to the Social Credit. The party is currently holding del- egate selection meetings for the July leadership convention. Party officials are being embar- rassed by empty halls; everyone showing up at the meetings is becoming a delegate, and the con- stituencies are still unable to fil! their quota. This, in ray experience with dozens of provincial and federai leadership conventions, has never happened before: anywhere. The reverse is true. The packing of meetings and attempts to ger- rymander results have generated an ugly new chapter in party poli- tics. It’s all peaceful at the Socred gatherings. Local funeral pariors are busier. At her own nomination meeting in the new constituency of Sur- rey-Newton, Premier Rita Johnston was only able to attract 60 people. When she and Mel Couvelier both spoke recently in Richmond, only 4! showed up, This lack of interest portends devastation. If one kept records of such things, my guess is that these tallies are inodern-day lows. During the same period, Preston Manning and his Reform Party came to town. More than 5,000 people paid $10 a head to hear him speak. Manning offers something fresh, sincere and an alternative to the tawdriness and the self-serving nature of today’s political scene. It aiso demonstrates that public interest in politics is still keen. The interest in Social Credit is nil. It is said by some that the Alchemist is back in the saddle. J. Patrick Kinsella, the sometimes exiled guru, is the mentor of Mrs. Johnston’s principal secretary David McPhee and the heavy ar- tillery in the tool box of long-time friend Jerry Lampert. PATS AESTAUR wn 445 13th St, West Vancouver 926-8522 Place To Go When | You're Pregnant And Need Support: Sal 987-7318 » Free Pregnancy Test + jf 225 Lonsdale In Vancouver Call Kortix Vancouver 687-7223 ae There are some Kinsella touches to Rita's performance: the sudden discovery of law and order as an issue; a single-minded obsession widi securing the leadership (the public can come later); the dissociation from all things Vander Zalm and the manhandi- ing of the media. She hits them with a dirty trick: the blunt truth. ‘'t don’t like be- ing interviewed in a driveway."* But something is awry. There are some definite non-Kinsella Sunday, June 16, 1991 — North Shore News - 9 Last local hurrah for the alchemist? signs littering the landscape. He would never permit a leader to play to an empty house. She would either be absent or the event would be stage managed. He would never endorse her blunket cancellation of all image-oriented government advertising. Kinsella, with documented ac- curacy, can Gemonsirate that the political gains from this advertis- ing outweigh the liabilities. Years ago, Pat Kinsella struggl- ed with his friend Norman Spector te become Bill Bennett’s chief power broker. He fost. He gambied on Brian Smith and the “Two Smiths” strategy at the 1986 convention. He was briiliant, but defeated by Vander Zalm. His nemesis Norman Spector has welded himself to Brian Mulroney. Norman holds al! the aces as chief of staff in the prime minister's office. Rita could be Pat’s Last ! ocal Hurrah. West Vancouver Teachers and West Vancouver School Board concluded a Collective Agreement on January 29, 19914 West Vancouver Schoo! Board has honoured its Collective Agreement! North Vancouver Teachers and North Vancouver School Board concluded a Collective Agreement on February 16, 1991 North Vancouver Schoo! Board has NOT honoured its Collective Agreement! The teachers and students in North Vancouver cannot benefit from improved working and learning conditions negotiated over nine months. Once again, the Provincial government has interfered in collective bargaining and is hurting the Education of our children. WHY? Ask your MLA. Where is the Fairness in Bill 82? North Vancouver Teachers’ Association 404-1124 Lonsdale Avenue North Vancouver, B.C. V7M 2H1 968-3224 For more information: West Vancouver Teachers’ Association 104-657 Marine Drive West Vancouver, BC. V7T 1A4 926-1617 OUR WORKING CONDITIONS ARE YOUR CHILDREN’S LEARNING CONDITIONS