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DEAR MISS MANNERS — [I am a 22-year-old college
student and for several years | have often been mistaken
for a guy. I have short hair, wear baggy clothes and do not

use makeup.

People call me ‘‘sir'’’ and ‘‘gen-
theman’’; 2'so people laugh at me
when they try (to figure out
whether I am male or femate, I
get very rude looks from head to
toe.

What can I do to defend myself
from such cruel people?

Until now, I heve not taken too
much notice of these insulting
remarks, but it happens much too
often for me to ignore it any
longer, and my feelings are being
hurt.

I am getting sick and tired of
peopie’s ignorance. It is nobody’s
business how I dress, how | wear
my hairs, or anything elsc that 1
choose to do.

GENTLE READER — Then
why, pray, do you consider it
their business to figure out which
gender you are?

it is exactly because Miss Man-
hers supports your privacy and
your decision not to be gender-
specific in your clothing or
grooming that she fails to under-
stand how she can support vour
indignation as well.

Exactly how. would you prefer
that these people investigate
whether you are a lady or a gen-

_tleman so that they may address

you accordingly?

Insulting? Cruel? It seems to
Miss Manners that these people
must be merely puzzled, and that
their laughter may well be directed
toward themselves for taking a
chance on guessing wrong.

Too many students have been
dressing as you describe for too
long for anyone to be able to
double up laughing over it —
unless you have concealed some
vital information about your. ap-
pearance under the quiet heading
of ‘“‘anything else that I choose to
do.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS — Is
it proper for a young, healthy fe-
mate (age 27) io give up her seat
on the bus to an older gentleman?

GENTLE READER ~— Yes. As
you may have noticed, we are
moving from a system of defer-
ence in this matter that wis based
on gender, to one that is based on
apparent need.

What Miss Manners has also
noticed is that many people are
stuck at that in-between stage,

Presentations
target smokers

NORTH SHORE Health is spon-
soring an evening presentation en-
titiled, Promoting a Smoke Free
North Shore, on Monday, March
29, at Lonsdale Quay Hotel.

The event marks the one-year
anniversary for local smokers who
stopped their habit when they
participated in the Quit-to-Win
contest,

The presentations will include
tips on how to stay stopped, how
to help others quit smoking, how
to prevent kids from smoking and
how to make a workplace or club
smoke-free.

Presenters include Dr. Fred
Bass from the BC Medical
Association who will speak on

supporting the non-smoker for
long term success. Dramaworks
Youth Theatre will present a
kids-and-smoking skit.

The free event runs from 7:30
to 9:30. p.m. and takes place in
the Resolution Room (third foor)
of the Lonsdale Quay Hotel.

Everyone is welcome.

For more information, call
926-7560. For reservations, call
983-6710.

MISS°MAN

NERS

where they have kindly dropped
the first system but forgotten to
start the second.

Rather, this is a time for both
systems to be used, and for ex-
pressions of gratitude for either.
That is to say, the gentleman of-

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fered a seat should thank the
young lady and take it; but a
young lady offered a seat by an
older gentleman should do that as
well.

DEAR MISS MANNERS — It
is our custom to have coffee at
breakfast and perhaps with the
evening meal, but what if we have
house guests who expect (he cof-
fee pot to be going all day because
they drink 10 cups a day (and
complain because our coffee is too
strong)?

Etcctricity rates are high where
we live.

What about the house guest
who tells ithe hestess how to fix
bunch or serve: ‘‘Oh, put
everything on the table and let
people make their own sand-
wiches.’’ Sometimes that may be
my method, bul sometimes not.

What about the guest who has
chosen not io bring warm enough
clothing, knowing full well what
the clisnate might be? Is the tost-
ess expected to provide sweaters,
jackets, hats and boots?

I guess the crux of this inquiry
is how to handle guests who turn
out to be demanding clods — not
invite them again? Right.

GENTLE READER — Is that a
sarcastic ‘‘Right’’?

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it seems to Miss Manners that
as hosts are bound to appear tol-
erant of their guests while they are
on the prenvises, barring the door
after they leave is an excellent way
to deal with the unprepared, the
unreasonable and the bossy.

While they are there, their re-
quests must be treated courte-
ously, which is not the same thing
as obeying their directives.

Miss Manners would be reluc-
tant to deny warm clothing or
coffee to the cold and the thirsty,
however unpleasant they may be,
but slowness of cooperation might
be a deterrent.

The important thing is to keep
up a cheerful and hospitable ione
while you say: “‘Why don’t you
fix the coffee the way you like it?
We don’t leave the pot on, but
use it as often as you like ... No,
today 1’m making a salad ... Let
me see now, my things probably
won't fit you. Perhaps I can find
some stuff in the attic...”

After each of these statements,
it might be advantageous to
disappear for a while. Not only
does this preclude argument, but
it gives you a chance to look at
your calendar to see how many
days you must still get through
before you get your house back.

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ACCIDENTAL INJURY is
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Accidents on playground
equipment ure one of the
most common causes of inju-
ry to children throughout the
year. However, in cold
weather particular kinds of
accidents may be caused by
outdoor play.

Drawstrings on the hoods
or necks of coats, mitten
cords, trailing scarves and
loose clothing can easily catch
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fences or gates and cause
strangulation.

During 1992,
dian children died of
strangulation when their
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to their clothing was caught
on fences or playground
equipment.

Dress your child safely for
outdoor winter play: make
sure that all strings, cords,
and scarves are securely tuck-
ed inside snowsuits and coats;
avoid dressing your child in
loose outdoor clothing.

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