I AM a single parent and have custody of my _ nine- year-old daughter by a court order. My former wife has reasonable access and [| have always en- couraged her involvement with our daughter. Lately because she says she is concerned about our daughter’s health, she has taken her to a medical doctor, a dentist and an eye doctor without discuss- ing it with me and without geiting a ceferral from our family doctor who has always looked after my daughter. She afso keeps signing our daughter up for extracurricular activities such as seccer and skating without even discussing it with me. Does having access pive her the right to act in this manner? You are the custodial parent and therefore you are the sole primary decision maker in ail aspects of the child’s life that af- fects her social, religious, educa- tional or medical well-being. Your former wife by having ac- cess does not have the same deci- sion-making power that you do. The proper way for her to pro- ceed is to contact you, gain your consent if you feel it is reason- able, and then speak with, the family doctor who is the medical advisor to you of your daughter’s * health. Only on your consent can she then involve your daughter in ob- taining any medical treatment. As a practical matter you prob- ably would want her to be the decision-maker if you were unavailable and an emergency arose, but you should clearly set out to her that that is the only exception, As to the extracurricular activi- ues she really has no authority to involve the child if it entails time that the child is with you. She again does not have the same power to govern = social aspects of the child's life that you do, ft may be helpful for you to encourage her to attend with you on a court-appointed counsellor to assist you in resolving matters amicably and then have any ugreement reached embodied in a further order of the court to en- sure she abides by the ground mules. 1 am a widower, 68 years of age and heave met a lovely lady whose husband passed away 10 years ago. We recently announced our plans to marry, but instead of be- ing happy my son and daughter seemed upset. From my conversation § with them, it appears they are concern- ed about my new lady sharing in my assets, assets which they say, and correctly so, their mother helped me earn. What can I do? I’m lonely and want to marry my lady friend and yet I really love my children. You and your tady friend should seek the advice of separate lawyers and have a marriage agreement prepared. Show your children the agreement and at- tempt to gain their input as well as the input from your friend’s children. The final decision as to the con- tent of the agreement is yours and Family Affairs HUGH STARK KIRSTIE MACLISE your lady friend’s, but, hopefully all fears will be laid to rest by the Signing of the agreement and you and your new bride will be able to get on with the romance and companionship that you both deserve. My wife and I have been sepa- rated for eight months. I am not sure I want a divorce. There is a possibility that we can save our 15-year marriage in the future although it does not seem possible now. I have been advised that I should get a divorce to finalize our property division, custody of our seven- and 12- year-old chitdren and maintenance. J just don't wart to shut the door right away on our future. What should I do? There is no need to get a divorce at this time. Why not enter into a separation agreement KIDS’ STUFF MONDAY Jan, 13-RecCentre Magnussen pro- grams available: Wiggles. & Giggles; preschoolers will. enjoy creative movement (activities; 9-10:45 a.m. Also: My Bear & Me; 1:30-3 p.m.; adventures for kids aged 2-4 yrs. & their. fav. teddybear. Info: 987-PLAY. eee Jan. 13--Pre-regisier: Kindergarten storytime, 10:30 a.m., ongoing to March 16. Info: N.V. Library, 980- 4424, eae Jan. 13-Ongoing Mondays to March 30. Skating for preschoolers, 10:15- 11:45 am. Info: recCentre Lonsdale. Info: 987-play. . -@ee8 Jan. 13-Ongoing to March 16, Art . Explorations; art classes for kids aged 8-12 yrs.; 3:45-5:45 p.m; recCentre Ron Andrews, 731 Lytton St., N.V. Info: 987-play. eee Jan. 13-Ongoing Mondays to March 30. Parent participation, skating lessons for kids aged 3 & 4 years from 11-11:45 a.m. Please pre-register. Lonsdale recCentre. Info: 987-PLAY. Jan. 13--Ongoing each Mon., Wed., ae ane eae nee aoe oe wee os oe oe ew oe ee ee CHD & SAVE se ae em oe oe wee es ee ee ee ee ee ee High School Driver Training Courses For registration and starting dates — 1992: SCHOOL Carson Graham S.T.A. Handsworth WV.SS. Sentinel! Seycove Windsor Sutherland Collingwood Fri. N.S. Family Services Drop-in Program, 9:15-11 a.m., Highlands Family Place, Highlands United Church, 3255 Edgemont Bivd., N.V. Info: Li Boesen, 988-5281. eos San. 13--Ongoing except on school closure days. N.S. Family Services Drop-in Program, supervised play for kids, guest speakers & socializing. 9-11 a.m. Lynamour School, 800 Forsman Ave., N.V. Info: Li Boesen, 988-5281. eee dan. 13--Ongoing eacli Mon., Tues., Wed., Fri. except on school closure days. N.S. Family Services Drop-in Program, supervised play for kids, guest speakers & socializing. 9:30- 11:30 a.m. Seycove Community School, 1204 Caledonia Ave., N.V. Info: Li Boesen, 988-5281. eee Jan. 13--Ongoing. Junior Forest Wardens, outdoor-oriented youth club for boys & girls aged 8-18, 7-8:30 p.m., Irwin Park Elementary School. Info: eves. 926-5660. eee Jan. 13--Ongoing 10 June. YMCA Senior Leaders Program. Info: 986- 0388 or 926-5541. Jan. 13--Ongoing. W.V. Youth Band, DATE Jan. 20/92 Jan. 20/92 Jan. 21/92 Feb. 04/92 Feb. 04/92 Feb. 03/92 Feb. 03/92 Mar. 03/92 Feb. 25/92 TIME 3:20 3:05 3:20 3:15 3:00 3:15 3:30 3:15 3:20 new members welcome. Info: David, 985-8897 or Susan, 926-9147. eee dan. 13--Ongoing. Judo for kids 9 yrs. & older, all levels, 6:30-8:30 p.m.; Salmagundi, arts program for kids ag- ed 2-3, Info: W.V. YMCA, 926-5541. eee Jan. 13--Ongoing. Children’s in- troduction to theatre for ages 4-6. Rhythmic dance, movement & pan- tomime. 9-10:30 a.m., Mon.-Fri., N.V, YMCA, 986-0388. aee Jan. 13--Ongoing. Mon/Wed/Fri. Parent and Tot drop-in, 9:15-11:15 a.m. at N.S. Neighbourhood House. Games, crafts and playtime for babies-5 yrs. ptus social time for parents. Info: 987-8138. eee Jan. 13--Ongoing Mondays and Wed- nesdays or Mondays only. Pre-school skate lessons for 4+ & 5 years. Pre- register. Info: 987-PLAY. eee Jan. 13—Ongoing Mondays and Wed- nesdays to Feb. 12. Skate lessons for 6 years & up from 3:30-4:15 p.ra. Also advanced level lessons available. Pre- register. Lonsdale recCentre. Info: 987-play. ROOM Room 209 Room 202 Rooin 219 Room 236 Room 300 Room 212 Room 211 % Room 207 Conducted by North Shore Driving School Ltd. in cooperation with the North & West Van School Boards For further information call 988-1138 Leader in High School Driver Training since 1961 1 ! | I Room 304 1 | I l j Sunday, January 12, 1992 — North Shore News - 27 Custodial parent keeps decision-making power with your spouse dividing all fam- ily assets, setting maintenance en- titlement and amount and working out an appropriate parenting schedule. The separation agreement could contain a clause that changes the agreement into a marriage agree- ment if you and your wife manage to reconcile. If no agreement can be reached then your other alternative is to have a court resolve the dispute under the provisions of the Famity Relations Act. The court will make an order, but will not grant a divorce there- by leaving the way open for you to reconcile. Good luck. What's the difference between the Divorce Act and the Family Relations Act? , The Divorce Act is a federal statute whereby once a divorce is granted the court can also award spousal and children’s maintenance and custody. The Family Relations Act is a‘ British Columbia statute under which a court can award custody, - spousal and children’s maintenance and if there is a trig- gering event, property interests in all family assets. The most common triggering events are a divorce, the signing of a separation agreement, a decree of nullity of marriage or a declaration by the court that the spouse have no possibility of rec- onciliation, The questions and answers given in this column are for gen- eral information only. If you have matrimonial prob- lems you should seek legal advice so that your advisor can assess your particular circumstances and give you the best advice. Questions about family law and estates can be directed to Stark & MacLise, c/o Family Affairs, North Shore News, 1139 Lonsdale Ave., North Vancouver V7M 2H4, : A Vancouver's affordable, award-winning Pacific Northwest Restaurant 4 Lunch-on-the-Run Special at $11.00 A Daily Winter Three Course Dinner Special at $19.95 ~--$e-----------pe-- You and your guest are invited to enjoy one complimentary entree when a second of equal or greater value is purchased. 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