26 ~ Wednesday, July 20, 1988 ~ North Shore News HOW CAN I make my husband communicate with me? He thinks I should know his every mood. I am no good at guessing games. A. if he is not willing to put the effort into communicating with vou, then there is probably some- thing bothering him about your relationship. How do you get him in the mood to say what it is? Don’t try to guess what his mood may be. Don’t be unsympathetic to him; instead, do simple research, There was a wife who always knew what her husband wanted. It was cold beer in a frosted glass mug. ‘‘What a woman!”’ he would say. There was a husband who kept his wife happy during the first hour after she got home from her job. She wanted to do the crossword but could never find a pencil. So he saw to it that there were always sharpened pencils by her chair. ‘“‘Let her never learn to keep them there herself,’’ he said. “This way, every night, she looks around, sees pencils and thinks what a great husband I am.” Most of us are really very sim- ple, habit-ridden creatures, and it is not hard to know what we want at certain times. Just a little research into partners’ wants at certain times gets us wonderful reputations as mind readers. And there is a little habit we might all develop — asking, every now and then, ‘Anything special you want? At this moment your wish ig more or less my com- mand.” If you seem to be an agreeable mate, he may be more willing to open up and negotiate with you. Worth trying, before seeking a counsellor. Q. My husband and I have sex usually about (wice a day and I get Seniors travel The North Shore Neighbourhood House invites seniors to join two exciting bus trips this summer. The first trip is to two Washington State wineries, and the second trip to the Lynden Valley State Fair in Washington. Wine tasting at the Chateau Ste. Michelle and Snoqualmie is sched- uled for July 21 at 8 a.m. The bus returns to the North Shore at 6 p.m. On August J8, a trip to Lynden Valley State County Fair is plann- ed. The bus leaves at 10 a.m. and returns at 8 p.m. Tickets entitle seniors to a peformance by singer Glen Campbell. Pre-registration is required for both trips. Al! participants must be Senior House members. For more information call 987-8138 or drop by the North Shore Neighbour- hood House at 225 E. 2nd. Street, sore in the genital area. Is this normal? A. Yes and yes. We sex therapists don’t say ‘‘normal,’’ but sex ther- apy clients still use that word fre- quently. At least twice a day a sex therapist has to say, ‘‘We don’t use that word, but yes, you are normal.’’ So ~~ it is normal for a couple to have sex twice a day. But it is also normal for a couple to have sex more often or to have sex Once or twice a week or less. I don’t want anyone to read in this column that some couple has sex twice every day and that I say that is normal. Someone will get the idea that less than twice a day is abnormal or that more than twice a day is monstrous. Numbers don’t come into this very much; the mutual pleasure and contentment of the couple is what we look at. It is perfectly natural to get sore Cloverdale Paint £ PREMIUN, BEST BUY LIFESTYLES in the female genital area from sexual activity. If the man does not do enough foreplay to cause the woman to lubricate, get nice and wet, this can cause the kind of soreness you are asking about. Dr. Ruth Ruth Westheimer There is another well-known cause of such soreness. Some men have the mistaken idea if they stay erect and continue intercourse for endless periods of tirae this will produce total female enjoyment the way seltzer makes bubbles, again and again, without fail. This is not so. The female period of lubrication is limited, and when the lubrication dries up, any con- tinued friction produces soreness, not ecstasy. I am not blaming the man, In most cases, it is mutual misinfor- mation, both partners having wrong ideas, that causes low pleasure. If the woman is sore and knows why but thinks she shovldn’t tell the man about this, it is not all his fault. Good lovers talk over all mutual interests easily 11183 ONE COAT GLOSS HOUSEPAINT 02010 EXTERIOR ACRYLIC HOUSE PAINT SPECIAL Buy! in order to improve things. Some women do not lubricate as freely as others, which may call for using a suitable lubricant such as. K-Y Jelly (not an oi] product, which is bad for condoms). A woman who has persistent soreness after sexual activity, even with generous foreplay, should consult her gynecologist about it. Q. How do I get his attention away from the TV to me? I even tried doing a striptease. I know he has potential. A. Well if he is not a very good TV repairman, you might learn of some little thing to do to make the set temporarily out of order. I have heard of this as a way of get- ting husbands away from football and into marital lovemaking. But this could also send him to a bar where the set is working. I would not try to rely on trickery, but to work out an agreement. After all, most hus- bands know that sex is enjoyable, too. So you have to say, ‘‘Look, I want to make an appointment for lovernaking. Please select pro- grams you want to look at, and then turn off the set. Don’t sit there gazing vacantly at whatever comes onto the screen until you fall asleep. That is not the key toa happy married sex life.”’ Stripteasing when he is preoc- cupied with a car chase or sports event is not going to make him want sex -—- it will only irritate him. What you have to do is get SALE DATES: JULY 15 TO AUGUST 3, 1988 Great PRICE! his undivided attention by prior agreement. Unless he is a_ total couch potato, it would be best to find out when TV viewing is very interest- ing to him and when it is just a matter of habit, of sitting with eyes open instead of switching off and getting up. On weekends, for example, the games are usually in the afternoon, so mornings are probably open for lovemaking. On weeknights, you probably have to make the point with him that not everything on the screen, from six o’clock until two in the morning, is worth giving up sex for. Or giving up sleep for, or the goodwill of a wife. I feel pretty sure that it is wrong to blame TV for sexual avoidance. It is also wrong to blame neighborhood bars or bowling leagues for this. 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