44 - Sunday, April 28, 1985 - North Shore News

Gourtesy at the

fter a full-fledged attack on modern socie-
ty. holding aloft the banner of civilization,
Miss Manners always feels a tad peaked.
The Mayo Clinic arrived just in time.

This particular exertion
was Miss Manners’ attack on

the unauthorized use of first

names in impersonal situa-
tions, as, for example, by
doctors and nurses who have
the mistaken notion that this
makes patients feel better.
Actually, as Miss Manners
keeps stating, and her Gentle
Readers testify by every
mail, it makes them feel
worse. Stripped of their
clothes, people are par-
ticularly sensitive about also

by. Judith -

-» - Martin
SE Se
-being stripped of their’ for.”
mal dignity.
_. “It know that some people
advocate’ a’-use of - first

names, hoping to. convey
friendliness to patients,’’
writes the personnel director
of the Mayo Clinic, Herbert
L. Howe.

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“It seems to me_ this
creates an unnatural situa-
tion — after all, people

come to Mayo for profes-
sional medical treatment not
for a social occasion.”’

The Mayo ‘“‘policy of
coustesy”’ is specifically in-
tended, he writes, ‘‘to put
people at ease. Many pa-
tients can feel apprehensive
over the technology and
complex procedures that are
a part of a large medical
centre. Treatment can be
enhanced when patients are
in a confident frame of
mind.”’

But rather than consisting
of pseudo-friendship, Mayo
policy calls for addressing
patients by title and sur-
name, as well as “using 4
warm tone of voice, taking
the time to answer questions,
and performing tasks of
practical value to a patient.”

.Miss Manner: feels better
already. At last someone
that courtesy
and chumminess are not
synonymous, and that. it is
silly to imagine a state of
friendship in which one
friend has his clothes on,
and the other doesn’t. If

both of them. ... no, never

mind.

What Miss Manners

_ meant to say was that she
has nothing against

friendliness. On the con-
trary, some of her best
friends are friends. |

But friendship is a volun-
tary social bond, not to be
confused with the merely

‘pleasant, cheerful, coopera-

tive manner that we ail
display at all: times to all our
fellow creatures, regardless
of how we feel or how we

feel about them.

Among strangers, ac-
quaintances and business
associates, such a demeanor
is intended to be a super-
ficial disguise, rather than a
way of revealing character.

You do not really want to
know how the tired clerk or
the harried customer feels
about life or about you.
Rather you want to feel
secure that no matter how he
or she feels, you will be
treated agreeably.

The Mayo Clinic’s policy
requires its people to treat all
patients with consideration,
not just the ones they hap-
pen to like or the ones that
happen to be there when
they feel in a considerate
mood. °

To use the manners of
friendship — intimate terms
of address, kisses, curiosity,
personal conversation —
without the emotions, is mis-
Jeading and offensive. No
respectable job requires an
employee to simulate per-
sonal emotions, but all of
them should require civility.

Friendship is something
deeper, which is why you are
allowed to choose your
friends, and to work out
with them special patterns of
behavior for different
moods. And even jolly, car-

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