BY the time you are all
reading this I will be
relaxing with my hus-
band in the Florida
Keys, eating giant juicy
oranges and hitting
long, straight golf
shots onto velvety
green fairways.

TE will sip icy coconut
cocktails in the evening and
listen to Jimmy Buffet tunes
as John and I USs iNT fasei-
nating derail eveFy shor we
made. on every hole we
played that day

Twill not miss my children
at home, or worry about the
dogs’ intestinal conditions.
There will be no doing of
laundry or housework. and
the biggest decision or my
day will be what twpe of
moisturizer To use ON MA
sun-tanned skin, or when |
should have my nap.

iam going on a holidw,
Albeit short, without my chil
dren. Yeeha!

This trip will be esj

Paying, for a trip is just one
obstac weresme
We are to travel; it’s what to
do with the people we leave
behind that is our greatest
challeng

Obviously we need a live-
in baby sitter for our three
kids and the animals (Im dif:
ferentiating here whe ybe
Tshouldn’t be).

When the kids were little
finding a sitter was tough,
but possible as they were oh
so cute-and almost manage-
able, But our children are
big, rude, teenagers now, and
anyone with halfa brain in
his head knows to stcer clear.

Our only real option for a
sitter is my. mother, and in
yer another act of supreme
self-sacrifice she has agreed to
stay with che kids.

"You'll understand that she
is somewhat reluctant, since —
last year when she babysat for

¢ fan into a few prob-

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home

Like my youngest son was
involved in an explosion
(requiring the fire depart
ment) while attempring to
Improvise on a sciense pro-
ject, and somebody"s brand
new bike disappeared. and
another guy staved our all
night without calling te tell

“Twill not
iss my children
at home, or
worry about the
dogs’ intestinal
conditions.”

liked her

ch at, the dog ate
a batch of hocolare chip,
cookies : ft cvoling on
the counter, my dad whined
the whole time about not
getting enough atrention and
one of the cats ran aw
live with the Chinese family
down the block.

OF course these are com-
mon occurrences in our daily
family life, but tor a gentle-
woman who lives a quiet,

retired lite, it was, as you can
imagine, quite distressing.
Still, time heals most wounds
and her memory is getting a
little vague se she has agreed
to come back.

One thing we definitely
won't be domy this trip is
leaving our vacation phone
number posted on the tridge

ce did this last vear in
case of an emergency, and
quickly learned thar our chil-
dren have some interesting
Ss tO just Ww hat consn-

bawl me oat for neviveting to
wash her soccer unitorm
before T lett.

Apparently she had to play
in muddy socks and it was
just awful!

On the second day one of
my boys called to complai
about my mother’s cookt

“Gramma mal i
food,” he s “She makes 1s

ables with awiul
pungent sauce

“Deo vou even know what

gent means” Fasked
him, doubttin.

“OF course Pd.” he
snapped. °Thar’s when seme:
thing is so gross it stinks

*

“Then just plug vour nose
while you cat,” | advised.
“And please don't call me
again.”

Two davs later we got
another call, this ime from
my youngest son, in tears
because his older brother
punched him. I did my best

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to console him, but I really
wanted to punch him too,
just for calling.

“Smarten up and vet
Along!” T ordered, wanting to
throttle the pair of them. “1
Jove vou, now goodbye!”

A couple of “hours later |
got a call from 3 kid who
coulda’t find the toothpaste.
You should have heard the
exasperation in his voice.

The phone calis continued
until we returned home.

A girl wanted to kaow
could she dave her allowance
early; a boy phoned to tell us
that his toe nail fell off} and
another boy urgently needed
help finding the batueries for
the TV remote control.

A mother wanted to know
what } use to get dag vomit
our of the carpet, and a father
called ro ask if it was possible
for us to come hame carly.

When we returned hone |
asked the kids if they missed
me.

“Not really” was their ofF
hand reply. “But vou should
have been more organized,”
they admonished me. “We
couldn't find anvthing.~

This top Tve taken their
advice and Pm more orga:

all ight. Oni
Gramma will have our phone
number, and onfy Gramoi is
allowed to use it.” F tell
them

“Bar woa't you miss talk-
ing to us?” thes ask.

“Twill,” T reassure them
“But for seven days J think I
can cope.”

The question is, can
Gramma ...

Sowetieesro|
Big. BPaeaicin AL
Buns Up & Squealin|

€ lothing. Shes rome

Friday, May 1, 1998 — North Shore News - 7

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