26 - Wednesday, September 30, 1987 - North shore News

Lifestyles -

Fear of AIDS is ruining
separated man’s sex life

Q. MY PROBLEM is a
tremendous fear of AIDS.

IT have been separated from my
wife and almost totally inactive
sexually for two years — just two
brief flings with women and one
one-night stand with a woman I
work with. In those episodes |
knew that fear was holding me
buck. Of course I was using con-
doms, which I am not used to after
being married to a women who
took all the precautions, and I
suppose that was no help. What
can [ do?

A. Don’t go around trying to
force yourself to have sex with
women you don't know just to
prove that you can do it. Pleasure
yourself to get rid of the pressure
to have shared sex and 10 keep
your interests in it alive, using fan-
tasies about gorgeous women who
can’t possibly give you any infec-
tion. And make friends with
undemanding women, one of
whom might possibly form a
meaningful attachment with you.
{t happens that right now there are
many more women wanting pru-
dent, cautious companionships,
not demanding sex, for the very
reason that careless sex today is

really stupid. At the same time,
careful and considerate people are
sul getting together and = yviving
each other assurances about their
histories and about their sincere
desire to have sex in the safest way
possible.

Dr. Ruth
by Ruth Westheimer

Q. My husband and I are long
married and we have three fine
grown-up children. The trouble is
that he has been involved for years
with another woman, a co-worker
of his, and although he has no
desire to break up with me he also
hus no intention of giving up out-
side sex.

He uses no protection against
sexually transmitted disease and
that worries me. Once J thought he
had given me something and I was
terrified. IT hav. decided that he
can have sex with other women but

Wavy League Cadets

From page 25
idea of kids. Some people rise up
through the ranks on some kind of
an ego thing. I'm satisfied if I'm
helping one kid in any one way."

But Fisher admits his main
frustration is Jack of public
awareness about the Navy League
option open for North Shore
youth.

The Navy League Cadets pro-
gram is open for kids aged 10 to
12. Sea Cadets, the next step up, is
open for teens aged 13 to 19.

Fisher said the North Shore Sea
Cadet program folded years ago
due to lack of local support both
from parents and teens.

Navy League Cadets learn the
basics of seamanship, discipline
and citizenship.

The organization is based purely
on voluntary effort and is spon-
sored by the Navy League of
Canada. Support also comes
through locally with fund-raising
efforts including car washes and
tag days where cadets armed with
tin cans and smiles fill the streets
soliciting spare change outside of
stores.

Cadets meet Thursdays 7 to 9
p.m. at the Navy League Centre,
1855 Forbes in North Vancouver.

The training year runs from

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The Navy League Centre serves
both North and West Vancouver.

But said Fisher: ‘‘We get very
few kids in from West Van because
of the bus system, lack of knowl-
edge and lack of parent participa-
tion.”

Oddly enough, the focal corp

not with me. I do wonder some-
times if this fong-lasting marriage
can yo on, beeause it is a little
empty.

A. You are right to stop having
sex with him in these circumstances
because it would be foolish to risk
infection, The question is whether
you can go on denying yourself sex
while allowing him to do as he
pleases. | think this marriage will
go on as long as you fet it — but
who knows? Maybe this unusually
indulged husband will come to you
someday and, as a reward for your
devotion to marriage, home and
family, tell you that he wants a
divorce. You are unsatisfied
already, and he offers no change in
his ways — so you have to think
about divorce. I don’t say you
have to have a divorce, but the
idea is haunting you and you have
to think about it clearly and open-
ly. Talk to an experienced
counsellor — « clergyman you
trust, or a marival counsellor.

If you take the risk and tell your
husband that the present arrange-
ment can’t go on, he just might
decide that you and the marriage
are worth saving, even to the ex-
tent of considering your needs and
feelings. Just a possibility.

kept busy

does not have waterfront access on
the North Shore. ‘‘We have no
permanent moorage. We've tried
but without success. In the early
60s we did have an old tug which
was donated to us and we had it
based at a pier where the SeaBus
terminal is now," Fisher said.

For more information about the
organization call 988-8911.

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