4 ~ Sunday, December 17, 1995 — North Shore News Native gravy train rolling LUCKILY FOR suffering humanity, laughs abound. And i have been provided with a side-splitter by a resi- dent of North Vancouver. His name is John Hayes. As we all know, the Indian pop- ulation of this country is booming. Why? Not because our Red broth- ers are copulating like mad, but because it now pays to be Indian. No GST if you live on a reserve or if you buy goods from stores that are on Indian land — ike South Park Royal. No taxes at all to speak of. Plus fishing privileges based on race, free university tuition and a list of other delights as long as your arm. Colleague Bob Hunter was boasting not too long ago that he is part Indian. One-sixteenth, { think he said. In which case. Bob old boy. you should get out your feath- ers and do a dance in honor of your ancestors. And then jump on the band wagon. But back to Mr. Hayes. who sent me a piece by Diane Francis in the Financial Post that gave further facts on The Great Indian Bonanza, with special reference to Bill C-31, which did much to inflate it. He said in his letter: “As a very young buy | used to play with some Native Indian chil- ‘ig Mott iA pet tn Par BE eS Tay in HEIs THE FOLLOWING people recently appeared in North Shore courts in connection with drinking and driving relat- ed offences: Alcides Contreras, 32, of North Vancouver, was fined $700 and had his driver's licence suspended for 12 months after ke pleaded guilty to having a blood alcoho! level greater than .08. D Collins on the other hand dren that lived on our street in Port Elgin, Ontario, in 1946-48. [ feel this should qualify me for grants under Bill C-31, but just in case it docs not 1 thought | would appeal to you. “From reading your column | deduce that you are an excellent researcher of facts, and ( was hop- ing you could supply me with names of Indian bands in the Port Elgin area, should it be necessary for me to cite an actual name of a Band to yet Indian Status. “When Tam granted Status under Bill C-31, | would also request that you cease writing derogatory things about Indian Affairs people and Indians. If they Pa i ar Larry John Davis, 22, of North Vancouver, was fined $500 and had his driver's licence suspended for 12 months after he pleaded guilty to having a blood alcuhol level greater than .O8. John William Rae, 32, of North Vancouver, was fined $750 and had his driver's licence suspended for [2 months after he pleaded guilty to being impaired. R ACCLDENT? © Call DEREK A. CAVE Trial Lawyer Get the settlement 100 Park Royal, West Van. rs you deserve. #508, Kapitano 100 Building Cruise Holidays PS. There’s still time to put a cruise under your tree for Christmas. “Talk to the cruise specialists” ° 984-6122 _cRuise; o 1325 Marine Dr. Norgate Mall = North Vancouver Personal Injury Law Wills & Estate Free Initial Consultation** Wm. Randall Fowle member law societies of Alta. & B.C. * Special rates for seniors ** Evenings & weekends & home calls by appointment 1003- 100 Park Royal South, West Vancouver are willing to grant Status to a white Irish-Canadian descendant they must surely be nice people. it is not fair that a bigot like yoursetf should malign my new-found Native brothers.” “PS: I enjoy your colunin and will continue to do so even after | am granted Status.” Thank you, Mr. Hayes. Your let- ter made my day. Also, it provided me with an easy column, some- thing that we bigots are ever on the lookout for. it was the Tories, bless their lit- tle Red Indian socks, who intro- duced Bill C-31, and Francis reports in her Puss piece that Indian Senator Walter Twinn predicted back in 1985 that the bill would cost taxpayers a bundle. His esti- mate was $2 billion a year “in bureaucratic and enutlement costs.” “He was wrong.” she continues. “The Department of Indian and Northern Affairs’ budget this year is $5.3 billion and Twinn estimates another $3.6 billion is buried in the budgets of various other depuart- ments but earmarked for aboriginal programs. “That amounts to $17,800 per Indian per year — the world’s biggest giveaway, and money often Retail value Blackstone Kiamey Jacket’ Made in Canada A functional, no frills Gore-Tex jacket with integral hood, velcro ct elasticized drawstring waist. wasted on bureaucracy. The senator claims that Bill C- 31 has led to the doubling of the “Indian” population since 1985, the point being that anyone can apply for status, and status being deter- mined by non-Indian bureaucrats in Ottawa, not by local tribes. Senator Twinn's wife, a lawyer, claims there is “graft galore,” that there are at least one million Canadians with aboriginal blood, and that every one of them could claim status. Twinn's own band in Alberta has increased eightfold, one-six- - teenth Indians being anxious to share in oil revenues. It’s even possible to set up your own tribe, f see from an article by Mel Smith in B.C. Report magazine that a woman in New Westminster is applying to do just that. We should ALL apply to become Indians. As a kid. | was even blonder than Marilyn Monroe. But! see blond, blue-eyed Indians on the telly all the time. If! became an Indian [ wouldn't he a bigot. would I! | might even be appointed to the B.C. 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