4- Sunday, October 13, 1985 - North Shore News

Losing a sou

SEVERAL years ago, while | was in the midst of
a nervous breakdown, I decided maybe I'd better
go back to church and talk to God.

These things happen. In
my case, 1 was suffering
from stress, fatigue, burn-
out, you name it. Looking
back, I think 1 was actually
enjoying having a nervous
breakdown. It was certainly
one way to get out of an im-
possible situation. But it was
costly in terms of - self-
esteem,

The details of my woes at
the time don’t matter. What
was interesting was how the
matter came to a head.

1 was driving along in a
car, feeling completely
overwhelmed by events,
when I passed a_ small
Roman Catholic church.
You know what they say
about Catholics, how, if the
priests have had us until
we’re seven or nine or some-
thing, they've got us for life.

Maybe it was true. I
hadn’t been to church since }
was sixteen. In the interven-
ing years, 1 had read all the
existential stuff and Zen
stuff 1 could get my hands
on, or fathom, and had
developed what I thought
was a worldly, sophisticated
agnostic viewpoint. Yet here
I was, in my mid-thirties,
quite unable to cope with my
life. And what simple im-
pulse shot the surface of my
mind? Right. Go to church.

1 approached the church
with caution and more than
a little fear. In my vulner-
able state of mind, almost
anything could happen. I
would have to be alert to
distinguish between any
miracles that might happen
and plain ordinary halluci-
nations.

The doors of the church
were locked. Oh, oh. Was
this a message?

{ rapped on them. Pound-
ed, actually. But nothing
came back except an echo.

This didn’t do much for
my mood, let me say. Afraid
that I had been abandoned

Changes
made to
rezoning

From Page 1
The matrix is too restrictive,
too harsh. We should be en-
couraging employment, in-
stead of enforcing restric-
tions.”’

But Ald. Rod Clark said
council was ‘‘caught between
arock and a hard place.”’

Clark said his interests
were to preserve the Low
Level Road: ‘‘I’d like an
update on the status of the
Low Level Road. If it’s not
going to be, I'd be more
than happy to support (the
property owners.) But if it is
going through, we have to
tighten up the require-
ments.”’

Ald. Dana Taylor said he
would be supporting the
rezoning because signifigant
changes were made to the
new zoning, including
building on 40 per cent of
the Jot instead of 25 per
cent, allowing buildings to
be 30 feet high instead of 15
feet and allowing a 20 foot
setback from the street in-
stead of a 40 foot setback.

The present zoning has no
restrictions on building size
or driveway access, and the
setback from the street is 10
feet.

Council voted 4-3 in favor
of light industrial zoning.

by God for my accumulated
sins, | was straggling discon-
solately away when a dog
started barking in the yard
next door. The dog was
quite agitated. It kept runn-
ing up to the fence, barking,
then running to the other
side of the yard and poin-
ting, it seemed to me, to the
neighboring house.

You know how it is when
you're having a nervous
breakdown. Little things
assume gigantic proportions.
Reality itself can take funny
turns. Thinking maybe —
just maybe — this was a
sign, I followed the dog’s
lead and went over to the
house it seemed to be pcin-
ting to. And knocked.

Sure enough, a priest
answered the door.

I should add ~ it is the
one necessary critical detail
— that 1 had just recently
stopped smoking. Not that
this was enough to precipi-
tate my emotional condition.
But who knows? It may have
been a factor.

Anyway, by great and
amazing coincidence, the
priest, ‘too, had just recently
quit smoking.

He was a nervous fellow,
about my age. !| explained
my plight, that my life didn’t
make sense any more and |
was really at the end of my
tether, and that I was sort of
looking for a miracle.

We went for a walk. I
babbled. He nodded a lot.
Finally, he asked if | wanted
to go back to the church and
confess my sins. I wasn’t
sure if 1 wanted to do that,
but it was probably worth a
try.

He got out his key and let
us in. Before I could quite
psyche myself up to climb
into the confessional booth’
— it seemed, after all, like
an odd way to have a con-
versation (which was proba-
bly alt | needed) — the priest
began to lose his cool. That
is, he started showing signs
of anxiety and stress himself.

The discussion shifted
suddenly from me to him. It
turned out he had all sorts of
doubts about the meaning of

strictly
personal

saiom

S|
spaiind ABT Naings

life and death too. And, ac-
tually, he wasn't as sure as
he used to be that the
answers were to be found in
doctrine. But, more impor-
tantly at the moment, would
! mind waiting here while he
ran down to the grocery
store and bought some
smokes?

No probiem, I assured the
poor fellow. He hurried out
the door.

In the silence, | looked
around at the altar.

Yep it sure flashed

| to cigarettes

me back.

Then I got up and teft. |
was in my car and starting
the engine before the priest
returned, As | drove away, f
saw him the rear view mir-
tor, pausing outside the
church to finish his smoke,
then tossing it on the side-
walk and grinding it out be-
fore opening the door to go
inside and save somebody's
soul,

Moral: Never trust a guru
who’s got worse habits than
you.

saiom
sation