38 - Sunday, February 23, 1992 - North Shore News

LIFESTYLES
TV demands ruin party

DEAR MISS MANNERS — In my gourmet supper club,
we take turns hosting suppers where we serve seven-course
meals with appropriate wines, using fine linens, china,

crystal and fresh flowers.
When I was hostess, shortly

after our guests arrived 1!

overheard a male guest asking my

husband to get the basketball

game on TV. This had not been
done before, but because my bus-
band amd I had discussed this
possibility earlier, ne said, ‘Sorry
— my wife doesn’t want the TV
on tonight.”’

This guest then approached me,
wanting to know “Why rot?” I
stood my ground, but he was
ushappy, and I was apset at being
pat in a situation where I refused
@ guest’s request. Later another
male gites? made the same request,
which ! agais refused.

Was I wrong to disregard the
wishes Of two of our 14 guests? I
don’t think it would heave mat-
tered much to the other guests,
bat the idea was distastefu! to nie,
afier weeks of planaing and
preparation. This was not a
specit] game — only one of many
scheduled season games.

GENTLE READER — Miss
Manners doesn’t need to tell you
that it is rude of guests to accept
an invitation to one sort of enter-
tainment and then petition to en-
joy another.

As this supper was a club activ-
ity, there should have been a
frank discussion by the group
about whether to hold a party on
the night of a game. And this

. should have been followed by a
chance for those present to check
with those absent. (Translation:
The. wives of these two men
should have had a chance to ask
them about the date.) If you then

. decided to go ahead, those dissen-
. ting-would have had to make a
choice and decline one amusement
or the other.

_ But there you were, with unwill-
ing guests. Miss Manners appreci-

- ates the fact that you did not take
. the: position that: their rudeness
entitled you to reciprocate.

What she’ would have done then
“would be:°to put the game-wat-
chers into-.another room, sug-
gesting they “take their dinners
from: the kitchen,.on trays, and

-- eat while they watched. She would
‘then have reset the table for the
remaining guests, and held a more
convivial party than. would have
been possible with people present
under duress.

DEAR MISS MANNERS — Is
it impolite to open gifts in front
of the visitor who brings the gift?

I'm thinking specifically of a
visit (o a mewborn baby ov a new
home, or even a birthday party
(child’s or aduit’s). If it is im-
polite, what is the appropriate
way of shewing one’s apprecia-

wsudith
Martin _

MISS MANNERS

tion? Isn’t it rude simply to say
“Thank you’’ on receipt of an
unopened gift and not follow up
after the visitor has departed and
the package has been opened?

GENTLE READER — Al-
though this is not true of all
cultures, the rule of etiquette in
this society is to open presents on
the spot so as to cause less trouble
all around.

If you put a present aside, you
are going to lose the card, and
you are certainly going to have to
write a letter of thanks when you
open the gift.

Meanwhile, the giver is assum-

ing that you hate it. There is no -

reason to believe this.— you

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haven’t even seen it, for heaven's
sake — but he or she was expec-
ting to see the delight on your
face when you opened it, and feels
cheated.

So open the present for the
newborn baby immediately and
exclaim how adorable it is. At a
child’s birthday party, a special
event is made of opening the
presents. (This teaches manners
both to the recipient, who must be
instructed to pretend to love
everything, and to the givers, who
must be instructed not to demand
their presents back to enjoy for
themselves.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS —
Wien my roommate and I are out
in public or at parties, she is often
asked ‘““What do you do?” by
people we meet. She finds this
very annoying and thinks it is
rude to ask people’s occupations
when one meets them. I think it is
a normal part of getting to know
someone . What do you think?

GENTLE READER — As a
matter of fact, it is rude to ask
people’s occupations when one is
out socially. It would be
preferable to probe strangers
atout their interests and allow
them to mention occupations or
hobbies as they choose.

But at the risk of disappointing
your roemmate, Miss Manners is
not going to join the fight against
this now extremely common prac-
tice. Jobs by no means define the
individual, but asking about them
strikes Miss Manners as_ less
snobbish than the more traditional
“Who are your people?’’ sort of
query that job interest has replac-
ed.

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at the
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MAKING SENSE

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9-4, Saturday, March 7

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9-4, Saturday, April 4

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263-4278

for info & reservations

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to provide milk, bread, fruits
and vegetables, etc.
FEED THE HUNGRY IN OUR COMMUNITY

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© $60 helps sustain a family for one month
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Please help those in need. All donations are tax deductible.

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REGIONAL CATHOLIC
HIGH SCHOOL

541 WEST KEITH ROAD, NORTH VAN, V7M 1M5
OPEN HOUSE

For anyone interested in attending STA. in
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on Sunday, March 1st from 1 to 3 p.m.

GRADE 8 ENTRANCE EXAM
Tuesday, March 3, 1992 at 9 a.m.
Grade 7 students who are not presently enrolled in
Catholic Elementary Schools on the North Shore are
asked to pre-register by phone (987-4431) by Monday,

March 2nd: ;
Principal, Mrs. M.A. Williams:

BROCHURE

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Homes during the
week of Feb. 24

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Arena Seniore’ Conta i:
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