42 - Wednesday, November 13, 1991 - North Shore News LIFESTYLES Slow response discouraging to her fiance Q. I NEVER understood until recently what people meant when they said they didn’t have time for sex. My fiancee, wuo is everything I’ve always warted in 2 woman, takes nearly aa hour to reach orgasm. ! have never been with a woman who required so mach stimu!ation to have an orgasm. Much as I love ker and making love to her, I find myself avoiding sex during the week. We only make love’ on the weekends because time rarely permits during the week. Why does it take her so long? I do understand how to please a woman. | know sll about the clitoris. What could be the prob- fem here? A. Even though you know all about the clitoris, you may not know how to please your fiancee. Every woman is different! You may be stimulating her in ways which worked for other women, but not for her. This is not your fault. You can’t be a mind reader. She should tell or show you ex- actly what she needs to reach orgasm. I am guessing it is dif- ficult for her to communicate sexually or she, would have let you know by now!" Buy Lonnie Barbach’s hook For Yourself, and give that, along with a vibrator, to her. Teil her you would like her to read the book and teach you some new tricks. Q. I uever refuse my husband sex, but I don’t initiate it either. After 30 years of marriage, ve learned the lovemaking won't be as good if it was my idea. He seems to go along gradgiugly. When | tell him that, he says I'm crazy. He will not discuss anything about sex or his feelings. I say he controls our sex life, but he won’s even talk about whether this is true or not. ~ According to him, only perverts and sex fiends talk about sex. He says, “‘If you have to talk about it, something is wrong with you.’’ I know you don’t believe that. * You advise people to discuss their sexual problems. What can 3 do with him since he won't even listen to me if i try to talk about sex? A. Of course, I do not agree with kim when he says only perverts and sex fiends talk about sex! I advise people to tell each other what they want and need sexually. But you have to be careful about how you say such things. Perhaps your husband feels like you are criticizing him. If you say, “This sex isn't any good when 1 Dr. Ruth Westheimer -ASK DR. RUTH initiate it,’? you are probably making him defensive. His refusal to talk about sex may be a way of protecting himself from criticism. It sounds to me like the two of you need to see a counsellor who can help you learn how to talk to each other about many issues, not just sex. Q. The problem is my penis. It does not seem to be sensitive in the same way as other men’s penises are supposed to be —- or even as it used to be. Just being stroked, for instance, doesn't get me erect anymore. I need more active stimulation, and I find lately that I need to be grasped firmly around the base to get erect, Tam 36, not fat, a non-smoker and, according to my most recent checkup, in very good health. My wife wants to know why a man in good kealth has such an insen- sitive penis. In fact, my penis is coming between us. I have no problem with sustain- ing an erection during lovemaking or with ejaculation. What is wrong, and what car, we do about it? A. It sounds to me like nothing is wrong. As a man ages, he does require more stimulation to achieve an erection. What you describe is not an abnormal situa- tion. It probably only bothers your wife because she is afraid she doesn’t excite you as much as she once did. She is comparing how quickly you once got an erection to how much longer it takes for you to do so now — and blaming herself for the difference. Let her know you still find her desirable. Explain to her that what is happening to you is part of the normal aging process. it is no big deal. You are probably a much better lover now than you were when she married you. Lions Gate Hospital auxiliary holds annual Christmas bazaar | THE AUXILIARY to Lions Gate Hospital is holding its annual Christmas bazaar on Saturday, Nov. 16 from 1{ a.m, to 2 p.m. Organizers say there will be many ‘‘unique and unusual’ items for sale as well as small appli- ances, ‘ooks, games, jewellery, Christmas decorations and a special 70th Anniversary Cook Book. Other features of the bazaar will include home-baked goods, refreshments and a raffle. The public is invited to support the hospital by attending the event, which takes place in the ac- tivity room of the Medical Day Centre at Lions Gate Hosptial, 231 East iSth St. in North Van- couver. For more information call 984- 5734. MAYTAG STACKED LAUNDRY PRICE BREAK THROUGH! Designec to fit in a closet or any place They're that's convenient, Maytag’s new ful!-size,| —buiaing space-saver laundry features afforda- these bility too. And 220 volts now cperates Maytags to both the full-size washer and the full- keep me , size dryer, so extra electrical work Is Need not required. In white or almond at Combined ... the North Shore's number-one Maytag dealer. “1238 At your Authorized Maytag Saies, Service & Parts store: ON NED J CEN’ RE : 1E-DRIVE, NORTH VAN..6 BLOCKS | EAST OF CAPTLANO Western Canada Wilderness Committee Winner of Canada's 1991 Environmental Achievement Award SSSER00EESE5EEES5EE8 HS SSSESS5ESEE5 ®@ 1715 a oe Monte Hummel President of World Wildlife Fund Canada ay Norma Kassi MLA for Yukon Paul George Founding WCWC Director Adriane Carr WCWC Director of WILD Campaign alent ERSeG55SE5S55E5 RAFFI BATUCADA KAREN JAMIESON DANCERS LORI PAUL & TED MOORE BAND a@ November 16, 1991 (6pm to Lam) at Harbourview Room in the Vancouver Trade and Convention Centre , 999 Canada Place Tickets m105 or $209 per coup]