wie Lifestyles J - Wednesday, September 9, 1987 - North Shore News Q. 1 LIVED with him two years, we've been married two months, but for the fast year he bas hardly ever made love to me. Mt happens about once in four to six weeks. We are stilt in love and both take the marriage seriousty, but he wan’ talk shout if. Me says my bringing iC up just makes him feel self-conscious, He's 34, I'm 22. When we make love, he has to be the dominant one. Hf J try to initiate ses, he re- jects it) brusquely. He does everything and won't let me toucte him or anything. A. You have to see a counsellor. Don’t Jet this slide; it is too serious. A counsellor will talk to you alone and to him alone and find out what you can’t tell me -- that is, what is going on, which you don’t know. He won’t talk, so you don’t know if it is some resentment on his part, some other woman in his life, a homosexual conflict, fear of his losing his abiti- ty to make lave unless he uses a powerful dominating fantasy. This has to be dealt with: th won't go away, and while you have tried to help you have been helpless. He sounds hostile. Something is wrong and you have to be firm. Don’t you get the idea that you are doing something wrong. Tell him that this is intolerable and that he has to see a marriage counsellor with you or you have to talk about a divorce. Don't be afraid to take this step. Things can't go on like this. 1 don't say people have to have sex every night, but when you are so upset and he persists in this behavior and won't discuss it, then you have to take steps. Q. IL went out with a girl because 1 heard she was a pushover, but a week went by, two weeks, now two months, no sex. I really like and respect her now, even though the guys (tease me because they say she is easy and I'm not getting any. But f still po with her, only now she wants sex and [ don't because I like and respect .her. Is there something wrong with me? A. I think you did the right thing because you didn't want to have sex with her. Never mind what the guys told you or that you went with her at first because you thought something or other about her. You found out that you liked her, loved her. That is a love story; it has been told a number of times. Let me tell you, she will forges these other guys, but she will remember you. Don’t let them tease you, tell them to get off your back. I suspect that you have made a real difference to her, meeting someone who really likes her and doesn't just want sex but respects her individually. So don’t have sex with her until you really want to. OK? Q. Tam a 15-year-old girl. Just recently I picked up the phone, the upstairs extension, and heard my pop talking to a woman and found out he was having an affair. My mom doesn’t know, my pop doesn't know FP know. PF don't know what to do, Let me give you my best advice. Keep your mouth shut. This ts beyond your ability to change or ask dr. ruth Ruth Westheimer help in any way. These things do happen -- both that a purent strays and that a daughter or son finds out accidentally. Keep it quiet. Don’: tell, your) mother, don't tell your father you found out, don’t talk to your girlfriends or anyone. If there is a school counsellor, you might talk to her ly Getting iw? “Wetone Winon. & Invites you to a BRIDAL WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 1987 NORTH SHORE WINTER With Special Thanks To: Ethos Bridal Fashions ¢ Mollabor Formal Weor — * Chameleon © Something Special Lingerie © No. 9 Lonsdale Furs & Leather © Gorry Robertson Music © Moore’s Custom MWedling Cokes © Minot image Photograp Supernatural Plants & Flowers © Bishop’s Insurance - Shrilyn Bishop © Sc B” To reserve your FREE tickets, 1325 £. Keith Rood, North Vancouver © Archer Video © Invitations Only © Petals and Lace © The Galiano Trio Y © Vancouver Party Rentals © Crystal & Gloss Engraving © Mary Kay Cosmetics - Joanne & Sondy Displays - Planning Guides - Gifts Just to have sameone ta talk to about it. This could blow over in a week ar fee. fT doatt say this is desirable. What is desirable is for people to be faithful and truthful and not harm anyone in the fami- Is. of in someone else's family, but don't make things worse. People's sex dives are their own business, Q. Toam in my early 20s and there is this girl across the street who foam attracted to, although 1 am nota Jesbian. Every night Fcan see her undressing through her window, IT can’t stop watching and if excites me. T know her, she is a good friend of mine. Am T nor- mal? A. Uf she is a friend and you want ta keep her friendship, putt your shade down and don't watch her any more. Never mind that she doesn’t pull her shade down, Pull yours down and read a good book. Just because a man is attracted to aman, or a woman ts attracted to a woman, doesn’t make him or her a homosexual, The subject is more complicated than that. Being a homosexual is a more definite thing; this is in the area of being interested in sex, in seeing without being seen, in seeing what 97 KISS FIM é | PARTYE at 7:00 am CLUB Married? Hair Studio hentey’s Distillery pr VALUABLE PRIZES ™ Elizabeth of 984-6851 H * or Marge of 274-855} = please call. not meant to be seen. dts same- thing exciting but to be put aside in jo to learn music. Even if she doesn’t, rest of her life. Junior Music Course Piano Club Course & Ex uisite Houti ue Lid. q q PARK ROYAL SHOPPING CENTRE—NORTH MALL WEST VANCOUVER Invites you to view their exclusive showing of Casual, Afternoon and Evening Wear Fail and Winter at the Hotel Georgia, Regal Ballroom, Monday, Sept. 14 Afternoon All seats reserved Refreshments . . 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