QUESTION:

Just recently I've caught
on to the crazy fact that even
--hile [have the feeling that I
fave everybody, there fs no
ene reason that I really love.
it sounds like I'm putting
you on, but lam serious. ~

I used to hate everybody,
at least I thought did.
Although I know now that I
really had a kind of love for
my mother and sister, and
elmost for my dad too. I
didn't want them to know it
though. I left home.a couple
of years ago and have been
living around with friends.
They live a strange sort of
life, but I can honestly say
now that I don't hate
anymore. I don’t see any
hate in me right now. I love a
fot nore “people. -now, No,-

's not quite right. I ‘don’t ~

rove more. individual people,
t's more. like: I love
humanity. That. part of my
life is >OK, there’s no kick
chere.:: But - ‘I'm really
vothered because I still don’t
tove -any ‘one person. The
~way [came to see this is I'm rm

‘iving with a girl now and we
set along very well. It's just

Just an interested ‘snoop’

“UESTION:

Do you think I'm a snoop?
“iy parents do, but I think
“m just interested and
eurlous. Til tell you how it
eame up. Our next door
reighbours are doing some
*ork on their patio and rock
parden. That really interests
ne. So, I take a peak every
Vile while to see how the

714-Sunday News, July 6, 1980

ask hayden stewart

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242
for appointments for individual, family or group counselling. His new
~~. office in the Internauonal Plaza Hotel (Qpen Tuesdays only) ts is for the

convenience of North Shore residents. ua

e loves everybody

great. But a few days ago she
told me right out that she
wanted to make out with
some- other guys. I told her
to sure, go ahead. I've got no
ties on you. But you know, I
got the feeling she was a

‘litle sad over my cool at-

titade. Then I realized I was
feeling down about it too.
Pve been searching my head
this week, I'm the guy that
loves everybody, but I guess
I don’t love Sonya (not her
name) or I wouldn't act so
cool. If I don't love Sonya,
there’s nobody I love. I can't
figure me out. What do you
say?

STEWART:
You have some good
things going for you and I am

hoping you'll give your
attention to them. Your
flexibility, is to your ad-
vantage. You’ve been doing
some changing in the past
couple of years and you
recognize the changes. Some
of them you like, and others,
you don’t. Also, you have a
hunger. There are some
things you want. You want
to do some improving. For

joh is coming along around
the edge of the curtain, my
parents claim I'm a snoop. I
claim I am just curious and
interested. What's the
verdict? Do you agree with
me Or my parents?

STEWART:
Yes. I would say are an
interested, curious, snoop!

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‘example, certain aspects of
your relationship with Sonya
displease you and you want
to do something to change
them. That's good. Another
good thing is the way you
have sensed that love is a
very important matter. And,
finally, you are not satisfied
with not loving real live
persons.

So what’s ahead for you?
Well, you have a beautiful
profound theory bout loving
everyone. That’s refreshing
and immeasureably wor-
thwhile. li is also pure and
utter hog-wash until you
learn to give love to qne
person and then another and
another.

It will be exciting for you
to equip your theory with
spirit and muscles and life.
You'll need to take risks,
and become more
vulnerable. You'll need to
give. yourself and learn to
accept another without
judging. In short, you'll need
to LET yourself love. It’s an
experience for a real man. It
will.be a great trip and you
seem ready to let yourself
experience it. Let go!

6

It’s the curtain bit that
brands you snoopy. Why not

go outside and over to the

fence and say to them, “Hey,
I'm interested in what you

are doing. Do you mind if I

have a look?” Viola! Sud-
denly you are an interested
neighborly guy, who has
recently become ane ex-
snooper.

this year ['m

QUESTION:
It doesn’t seem.to both

me much if a person turns

pointment. I just sort of go
along with it and never say
anything. There may he
some good reason. But if a
person fs late three or four
times, or almost always, then
I. really burn, I get very

--angry--and really upset. In. |.

fact, it drives me batty.
What can I do about a creep
like that?

STEWART:

Remember there STILL
may be a good reason. But,
if you are upset that much,
you'd better do something
about it. Why not tell him
that when a person is nearly
always late, you find that
you don’t wait very well and
it bothers you so much that
you have decided not to wait
anymore. Then don’t!!

But there is also your
OWN opportunity to do a
little bit of changing. Your
burning at being stood up is
because you have a specific
expectation for that person
to turn up at exactly the time
specified. Why not learn to
give up having = specific
expectations? You could get
ready on time, but give

yourself something to do
while you are waiting. Do

something that will make
that angry time into a time of
fun or value. Specific ex-

pectations bring a lot of
disappointments with them.
Don’t have any.

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