42 - Wednesday, June 15, 19K ~ North Shore News Brush her LIFESTYLES BOOZE MADE HIM GO TOO. FAR q WAS! ala ‘party and this girl ‘wanted to have sex — but 1 but today, iL is likely to be a pro- um a decent guy with high standards and morals. me Nevertheless, after afew beers, y rode the wavesin sex. Now she wants to have a rela- © tionship. I told her F aman ex- _istentialist, and it didn’t . ‘really _ happen. What shouid Ido? . it seems to me that you have. one it. I would not have thought’ of. that ‘existentialist line, myself. : 1 am. not..sure * that cautious: have prepared a pam- ‘-sphlet;. Dr...Ruth’s Guide ‘to Safer Sex.:To get a copy, send $1.and a self-addresscd,.," stamped, °.tegal-' ized envelope, to Dr.. Ruth/Safer “Sex, P.O. Bo: 92713-9709, beat them Pp. and: ‘treat them ‘like tot of nice .19709, + Arne, Calif.; , : their ‘problems, - like fessional helper -— a ‘social worker, a counsellor,:. perhaps a psychotherapist. If you are drawn to a woman who is in a bad-rclationship: with somcone else, that. woman needs help in getting out of the mess she is in, That.is what she necds now, nat you as a lover or suitor. She is too confused - at present to be-a” candidate for your devotion. This. : “Ruth Westheimer - ° . Being” involved doesn't just “mean*going to bed — it can:mean_ - being tied to someane undesirably, unable to untic the knots by one- ; “Very: ‘often | “people “ask - your . “question. about’ ‘certain men: “With I. the nice.women.in the. world, why does: he always pick one. who ©. “dumps on. him?’ It, happens that ‘people get into, extremely involved ;. “involvements and need help sorting “solving Me perhaps . cutting | “those ties 10.4 wrong partner. ‘That’. out their own feelings, help: ‘might: be.a friend or. relutive, > Mmay be hard for: you to accept — unless you are: not. really * asking. -aboul,2 woman ‘that you are inter- ested in. now, . but. one. you ‘have. ‘already: given’ "up on, ‘but. “still thinking about..Or have. } got you: wrong: are you really: a. detached © “observer of human nature?" .. Often people get into.a: pattern. “of bad ‘relationships: of ‘the: same: kind. It might begin : with having”: one” boyfriend - and’ being We. ieel. that: it's : too fF with the existenti: dependent on him. _Rathér than face’“being alone on, , saturday night, she stays with 4 ” guy who acts mean. Or she has’ children to care for as. well as herself, and prefers to share that responsibility, even with a bad partner, than try to cope with it oa her own or with welfare. When she “docs. break up with that bad partner; she Starts with: | another wiio misuses her. Maybe’ she looks for. a certain kind of guy “out of low self-esteem.» Or she misses the one she lest and looks for the same characteristics before” taking up with a new partner. (1 could be saying “‘he’’ and: ‘talking’ 2 about a man‘as well.) :° Now, this is a psychological problem, and few people get out of : it without professional counseliing.. Friends are not up to‘helping peo- - ple who actually enjoy feeling sorry - for themselves, for instance. Alla friend can do to be truly helpfut i is o say. “1 m. bored: listening to your.. story again and again,‘’ and force such. a person to” seek effective, - help. . Q. Flow: does one keep ‘fantasy. froms becoming reality when mak- alist line _ enjoy and make effective use of a sexual fantasy, you will begin to want the fantasy acted out in reali- ty. This. does not have to ‘be the case: most people keep fantasy in : the mind and make it a cule‘to do so. It happens that some of the oldest daydreamers are. the, most | ‘cautious’ peopte in their actual y behavior. ~ But,” whether ; you. keep fantasy’ in daydreamland by force of char- acter or out of prudence, there is - no better way to keep that fantasy - enjoyable, When you begin to have one chief fantasy, want it to come true, think about it-much of the .time and. find it interfering with sexual functioning instead of help- | ing. it, you./are. beginning to live: with an obsession. ‘And that is no fun.” . . about it you: might try using other fantasies, dreaming. : “ups other * scenarios: or images.:See if-you ., “ean't replace. this . single: Fantasy® . with others. that‘are less insistent... and more. under your--control.| When should you definitely seck help? When -you. know that you. can't become aroused. without: this... Particular disturbing fantasy. © ing jove? Like, really having ‘peo-:: . AS It’s cook- out time again! “1160 Marine: Drive | North Vancouver * | .. ple watchiag or taking part as third . . parties? oon Ne You ‘seem to be ® ex pressing. a: fear. some. pecple. have: that, if you » * Before’ ‘going . to: a ‘counsellor 2 3: