34 - Sunday, October 25, 1987 - North Shore News Lifestyles_ Parents: persevere with children’s table manners DEAR MISS MANNERS — I'm 35, an elementary school teacher, and recently married to 2 man with three children, aged 12, 19 and 7, from a previous marriage. They visit every other weekend. They have extremely limited knowledge of table manners and decorum. It’s chvious that almost anything goes at home. They use their fingers to eat, don’t use a knife and fork properly, chew audibly, invariably get a ‘moustache’ from drinking from a glass, and end up with more food on themselves, the table and the floor than in their mouths (only a slight exaggeration). On top of this, they are extremely picky eaters and really into junk food. miss manners by Judith Martin I always set a proper table and go to a lot of frouble to prepare well-balanced, atiractive meals that I think they will enjoy. I have set my priorities in things to rectify, and try to overlook the others for. the present. I have shown them several times, in a calm way, how to use the cutlery, drink so that their moulks stay clean, etc. ' . [They go home fer two weeks, and when they come back, it’s back to square one. They show no Iuterest in self- improvement and tolerate me only because“ it’s’ my louse. My hus- band is vot a disciplinarian, and Is frustrated ‘and embarrassed by his children, .although he does not perceive the problem | to be as great as ia do. . Over the 15 years of my teaching career, I have often taken children on weeklong trips and am familiar with ‘‘average’’ table manners for the age group. J don’t think my expectations are out of line. This is only one of many pro- biems I have with the kids, but it’s the one that wears me down the most. f’m embarrassed to have people over when they are here. I confess that I don’t want to put myself out for them, as F once did to please and teach them, and I feel guilty about my attitude. GENTLE READER — Heaven bless step-parents who undertake the remedial work made necessary by the non-child-rearing practices of original parents. One day the children will thank you, but as that day may be a long time off, Miss Manners would like to do so now. Do not give up. You are, after all, a teacher, as wel! as a step- moiner, and presumably dedicated to the idea of civilizing the young. It just so happens that eating is one of the mechanical skills most used to place people in the society, and children who are not taught table manners early are put at a disadvantage all their lives, by everyone from prospective lovers to prospective employers. To keep you from discourage- ment, and from the even Jess pro- ductive feeling of guilt, Miss Man- ners would like to point out to your husband that he has a double duty. here, to his children and to his wife. Disciplinarian or not, he must vehemently demand that your standards (no comparisons should be made to mother’s standards) be inaintained in your aad his house- hold, DEAR MISS MANNERS — My father recently found out about the death of his former boss. The man died six months ago, Dad asked me if he should send a condolence card to the family. I advised him not to sead one, since it happened such a long time ago, and a card might reopeu the family grief. : _. Performed ; - by Patsy Goto. Drop in, relax ‘and enjoy some appetizers or desserts while Patsy Goto entertains ee YOU - October 20th-24th 27th-31st HOCSE 2229 Folkestone Way, West Van. ON THE. FELL _Reservations 926-3212 GENTLE READER — What do you imagine — that the family has forgotten its loss and will be devastated to find out that some- one else remembers? The opposite is probably true. 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