40 - Sunday, September 29, 1991 ~ North Shore News

DEAR MISS MANNERS
— Does etiquette obligate
one to wear his or her wed-
ding ring in a social situa-
tion?

Perhaps a better question wouid
be: Is one obligated to make one's
marital status clear to others?

My single friends and I appre-
ciate the wearing of rings, since
they serve the purpose of quietly
setting boundaries for any new
relationship. But we notice that
many married people leave their
rings at home.

GENTLE READER — It is not
that Miss Manners does not un-
derstand your plight and want to
protect you. But etiquette is just a
lot less interested in rings than
people seem to think.

Contrary to popular opinion, it
does not demand that a ring be
given before it will recognize a
proper engagement. It has taken
no notice of the fact that many
young ladies no longer reserve the
left hand for rings symbolizing
romantic bonds, considering that
hand available for any decorative
rings they may happen to fancy. It
wouldn’t dream of telling widows
and widowers that they have to
move or remove their rings.

MONDAY

Sept. 30-Ongoing. Congregate meal
program for seniors, hot meals, 2
evenings per week in the company of
others. Cost $4. Info: N.S. Health
Volunieer Program, Helen or Hilary,
984-9511.

eee
Sept. 30-Ongoing. NS Neighbourhood
House Keep Well Program. Free
drop-in for adults over 50 yrs. Exer-
cise, relaxation, counselling, 10:30
a.m.-2 p.m.; walking club, 9 a.m.;
hands-on program, 10:30 a.m., hot
junch, 12 p.m. Also: Grace Jones
from OSTOP discusses osteoporosis.
Info: 987-8138.

ees
Sept. 30-Ongoing. Bingo, 1:15 p.m.,
Silver Harbour Centre, 144 E. St.,
N.Y. Info: 980-2474.

eee
Sept. 3W-NS Neighbourhood House
seniors trip to Cin Cin’s restaurant on
Robson. Noon-3 p.m. Cost $2.25
transportation plus meal (open menu).
{nfo: 987-8138.

AMUST SEE!
The Robert Service Show
featuring
TOM BYRNE
Storytelling at its best

October 10 - 12
Performance at 8:00 p.m
Saturday Matinee, Oct. 12 at 2:00 pum.
VANCOUVER EASY CULTURALCENTRE ff
1895 VENABLES AT VICTORIA s
S Reservations: 25¢-9378 Ticketmaster: 286-3321

Badminton's

LIFESTYLES
Can wedding rings be left at home?

And it has never required mar-
ried people to have rings, let alone
spot-checking to make sure they
are worn.

Even if etiquette were to declare
a truth-in-packaging rule requiring
ineligible people ta be banded to
prevent them from fooling the
single, it would be helpless to en-
force this when deceit is intended.

That is why it has always en-
dorsed the poky method of getting
to know people in their social
context before pinning one’s
hopes on them. Perhaps that is
the etiquette rule thar will best
protect you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS — J
have always felt that being asked
to write a letter of recommenda-
tion is an honor. If § have even
the slightest hesitation or question
about what (o write, I express my
appreciation at being asked, but
respectfully decline. .

During the iast few months, I
have provided some 20 prompt
and thoughtful letters of refer-
ence, several on behalf of two
particular people, with copies sent
to them as a courtesy. The posi-
tions they are seeking are at the
senior executive level. In a aumber
of cases, the employer has called
to indicate what a particularly

TUESDAY

Oct. 1—Ongoing. Music lectures for
srs. If a.m. Van. Academy of Music.
Continues as long as interest. Mr.
Goldberg of Van. Academy co-ord.
Info: 987-0670.

ees
Oct. 1--GOngoing. NS Keep Well free
drop-in program. Massage, relaxation,
nutrition, counselling. Lions Manor,
4290 Naughton Ave. Deep Cove. Info:
987-8138.

eee
Oct. 1 & 2—NS Neighbourhood House
outdoor adventure to Carmanah
Valley. $£15 includes transportation,
accommodation, 3 meals and natu-
ralist guided tour of Carmanah. 8 a.m.
Tues.-7:30 p.m.Wed. Info: 987-8138.

TAOIST

Tal Chi

For
HEALTH and
RELAXATION

New Beginners class
N. Lonsdale United Church
starts Wed. Oct. 2, 7-9 p.m.

For inturmation phony

681-6609

TAOIST TAI-CHI
SOCIETY

A Non-profit Organization

easy and exciting!

After work or on the weekend,
make it part of your game plan!

PARNCIPACTICN

Judith

MISS MANNERS

outstanding letter I sent.

Is it reasonable (o expect some
expression of thanks in return? A
letter of recommendation or ref-
erence is given freely and willing-
ly, so is it correct to expect
thanks?

It seems so to me. Although I
recall being taught that a gift of-
fered with the expectation of
something in return was never a
gift at all, I was brought up to say
thank you and to write notes. I

Oct. 1--Ongoing. YMCA Dramaworks
for Seniors, Oct.-Dec., for ages 55 and
over. Acting for non-actors; Adults
acting for non-actors; 3 o’clock with
Agatha Christie; The ‘‘When 1! have
time I'm going to write a play’’ sroup.
200 Keith Rd., Klee Wyck, WV. 1735
Inglewood Ave. WV. Info: 922-8963,
926-5541.

WEDNESDAY

Oct. 2-Ongoing. N.S. Keep Well Pro-
gram. Free drop-in program at Silver
Harbour Centre for adults over $5 yrs.
Exercise, massage, relaxation,
counselling. 9:30 a.m.-12 p.m. Small
fee for hot lunch, 12-f p.m., walking
club meets, 9:30 a.m., hands-on pro-

You may qualify for a GRANT of up to

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You may also obtain a repayable loan if the
repair costs exceed the grant.

Income ceilings for a couple or 1 person
er year. Larger

ify may have an

household is $25,000
households which qua
income of up to $41,000.

Households with a gross annual income of:

$13,000 or less
may be eligible for a
$15,000

$17,000

$20,000

RRAP

For further information
please call 737-4065 or

737-4066

Canada Mortgage and Housing Corporation

wonder if a purt of the decline in
business behavior and standards is
related to what feels like a loss of
very Fundamental social grace,

GENTLE READER — Please
stop repeating that rude old saw
about the meanness of expecting
to be thanked. Miss Manners
assures you that this idea has
made no small contribution to the
very problem of which you comm-
plain.

Being thanked is a_ perfectly
reasonable expectation after trying
to please someone. It is, in fact,
the acknowledgement that one’s
efforts to do so have actually suc-
ceeded.

Without cunningly plotting to
put someone else in one’s debt
through feigned generosity
which is what you make it sound
like — a kind person could imag-
ine that a lack of demonstrated
appreciation springs from a true
lack of appreciation. That is why
Miss Manners advises those whose
presents are greeted with silence to
stop giving what is apparently not
wanted.

She would not go so far as to
claim that every letter of recom-
mendation: requires its own letter
of thanks. Evaluating employees
or future employees is a routine

gram, 10:30 a.m. Also: Comm. health
nurse Carol Downton leads discussion
on ‘The Elixir of Life.’* Info: 980-
2474,

eee
Oct. 2-Ongoing. Senior cyclists meet
at 9:30 a.m. at W.V. Senior Activity
Centre, 22nd Ave. & Marine Dr. in
W.V. No riding if it is raining. Info:
985-5038.

een
Oct. 2-Ongoing. Seniors’ Bingo. N.S.
Neighbourhood House, 225 E. 2nd
St. N.V. 1-3 p.m. Free drop-in in-
cludes refreshments. Everyone wel-
come. Back-up volunteer bingo caller
needed. Info: 987-8138.

THURSDAY

task of business.

But when special effort is made,
as seems to be the case with you,
it should be acknowledged. You
would be justified in taking at
their word those who believe the
the writing of letters is passe, in-
terpreting it to include fetters of
recommendation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS ~
Would you kindly advise what is
the proper form of address for a
former father-in-law and mother-
in-law? I used to call them *‘Dad”
and Mom." but now that § have
remarried, I suspect that this fa-
miliarity might be insulting to my
wife and her parents.

GENTLE READER So
many people call their current in-
laws ‘‘Ummm’"* because they have
trouble learning to call them by
parental titles (the etiquette rule
here being that the elders get to
choose) that Miss Manners hesi-
tates advising you to return to
this.

But you have suggested that not
doing so would insult your wife
and present in-laws. That would
not be a good idea, would it?

Surely you can retain a pleasant
relationship with your former in-
laws without according them this
particular designation.

Oct. 3-Ongoing. N.S. Keep Well free
drop-in program, 38:40-11:30 a.m.,
W.V. Seniors’ Activity Centre, 21st &
Marine Dr., W.V. 8:40 & 9:15 a.m.
mild exercise; 10:30 a.m. hands-on;
11:30 a.m. hot lunch (24 hr. reserva-
tion required). Info: 926-4375.

For more Coming Events see first
page of Classifieds, What's Going
On, or Kids’ Stuff. For arts and
entertainment listings see the
Around Town column in Wed-
nesday’s North Shore Now sec-
tfon.

Grants for

Home Repairs

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easier because my
leaking roof has been
repaired with RRAP
assistance."

$5,000 Grant contractors.

$4,000 Grant
$3,000 Grant
$1,500 Grant

Repairs related to health and safety such as
plumbing, heating, electrical wiring,
foundations, and leaking roofs are given
priority. Porches, stairs and exterior painting
may also be considered.

R.R.A.P. is directed to low income
households and offers financial assistance,
home inspection and advice on the
selection and hiring of home repair

*An additional grant and loan may be
available to improve the accessibility of the
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Helping to house Canadians

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