Lifestyles -

ligious occasion is
not a birthday party

DEAR MISS MANNERS — Neat month my adopted son
will be 13. Since we are not Jewish, | would like to give him
anon-bar mitzvah party and invite friends. We bave been to

many bar mitzvahs involving
all of them,

[um concerned about how to
send the invitation. What should it
say? Punderstand that in bar mitz-
vahs, money and presents are
given. [| would like him to have this
too. But mostly what } want is a
coming-of-age party for him.

miss
manners
by Judith Martin

GENTLE READER — You may
well be concerned. A bar mitzvah
is a solemn religious occasion

his friends, and plan to invite

(although accompanied by festive
rejoicing), and any attempt. to
adapt if for secular use would be
highly offensive. ft would be like a
mother's wanting to give her tite
daughter the opportunity ta dress
up, and therefore staging a mock
communion.

What you are talking about is a
birthday party. Give your son as
lavish a birthday party as yeu
wish, and by all means invite those
whose bar mitzvahs he has attend-
ed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS — I
have been criticized because I use
just my fork to break soft food,
such as fish and pastas, into bite-
size pieces, instead of using a knife
and fork, This has become quite a

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ridiculous issue,
GENTILE READER — On the
contrary, vou have a valuable shill,
for which Miss Manners com-
mends you,

ft is actually incorrect to eat
these foods with a meat Knife, and
one is so seldom given a fish knife
or salad knife these days.
Therefore, your method is the only
proper allernative, and you are one
of the few people who seem to be
able to cope adroithy with the
task. The rest cheat, or slide the
food around until they get gravy
all over the table. And those peo-
ple call you ridiculous?

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