Stop choosing to feel guilty

QUESTION: In my youth,
particularly in my early
twenties, I went through a
few years in a style of life
that fs still a torment to me.
I've decided not to tell you
whether I am a man or a
woman because knowing
that, you might be
prejudiced in your response
to my question.

The experience, which
still bothers me, was one of
excessive and promiscuous
sexual activity. As I look
back on it, I am now aware
that it was a time of the most
intense feelings. Although I
don’t like admitting it now, it
was a time of high elation for
me, and also a time when I
felt I was into a degrading
manner of living. Gradually,
it tapered off and my sexual
activity was mostly with only
one person. A little later, as
a result of a change in my
outlook, because of a
religious experience, I
became celibate until my
marriage, and nae
remained that way as aS
extra-marital sex is  con-
cerned.

The thing that is bothering
me ts my feelings about that
period of my life when I was
living in such a rotten way.
Naturally, I feel ashamed
and guilty, but even beyond
that, I feel like I have spoiled
my life and will never qutie
recover from my “evil ways”.
I want to get over that
feeling, but I hardly know
what to do. Would you call it
a sexual problem or a
personality problem, or a
religious or psychological
one? What sort of person
should I turn to for help?
STEWART: Good news!
The person who can be the

best help to you is readily
available and will help you
without charge. As they used
to say in Shakespeare's day,
“Thou art the man” (or
woman).

To give yourself half a
chance, stop calling your
opportunity a problem! For
a while there, you chose to
live in a way that came to
seem inappropriate to you to
say the least. You saw that it
was a way that left you
dissatisfied, so having
learned from that ex-
perience, you made another

choice that seemed a bettér

one. Now you are making
still another choice,

You are choosing to feel
guilty and degraded over
that learning experience.

What sort of person
should you turn to for help?
Turn to the fellow who has
made the choices, and has
not been satisfied with the
results and now wants to
make an even better choice.
That fellow now has more
awareness than he had when
he made his earlier choices.
You can depend on him.

.

Give him the chance
“guide” you into making
better choices still. “Thou
art the man” with the best
insight for you. “Listen in
silence to the wisdom of
your higher Self and respect
it,  trustingly”. You'll
probably discover that it is
an awful waste of energy and
time to lug around a load of
guilt that have already
chosen to leave behind. As
you choose to let go things
you are really done with,
you'll have a lot more fun
BEING whatever you are
now ready for.

ask hayden stewart

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242
for appointments for individual, family or group counselling.

Rude, insensitive, and boorish

QUESTION: Your letter to
that couple who were to
visited by friends who
wanted to bring their two
cats with them, was rade and
insensitive and indicative of
your complete lack of un-
derstanding of cats and of
their owners. To tell them to
leave their cats at home, or
to put them in an animal
shelter was quite unfeeling
and contrary to your usual
admirable policy of
receiving people exactly as
they are. You as much as
said that you could like them

loved one

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boorish in your advice.
STEWART: You may be
right, you know.

C7 - Wednesday, April 7, 1982 - North Shore News

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