QUESTION: Iam + being torn
apart by a long drawn out
time of ‘indecision in, an.
affair of the heart. I am in’
my mid-thirties and have.
been, and still am, in love
with a man of about 40. We -

have loved each other for

almost four years now. We °
enjoy each other, like each

other and love. each. other,
but nothing comes of it.

I ‘mean by that; ‘we seem
no closer to marriage than
. we were three years ago. I
was. only married a year.
when my . ‘husband died, -
almost ten years ago. My.
friend was married for some
10: “years and was" divorced 6~
‘years. ago. He. has two
children who are with his ex-

e.

“terrible marriage” and that
he. is so afraid of making
another mistake:. He says
that he is aware he did not
do very well _as a husband
and fs afraid he would fail
again. He feels; time and
again, when he is alone, that
he wants to ask me to marry
him, but when he gets-to the.
point of doing so he freezes
up and just can’t. “take the.
Yeap,” as he calls it. How
long dol go on with this?

STEWART: Forget it! You
know it is not going to work.

Tell him to get lost. Let him
know you have better ‘things
to do than sit around waiting
for him . to make up his
“mind.

Having read that “advice,”
how do you feel? Do your
. fiercely resent it? Are you

About living
‘intentionally’

QUESTION: Some months”
ago you used the phrase,
“intentional living” in one of
your responses. It set off a
spark of interest in me and
Ive done a lot of thinking
about ft since.

Could you say a little bit
more about what you mean
by that phrase?

STEWART: Yes, I can and

it’s) one ‘of my favourite

topics! But, secing you have

cone a lot of thinking about

” A would, rat

ne rade: on: L:your-experience of

“discovery (even by. in-
vitation).

peneantert inte

If you are keen to “live on
purpose”, you might as well

Doesn’t want

QUESTION: I didn’t want to
phone and talk with you
,- about this question because
I'd like to be free to consider

your response without
obligation to tell you who |
am, etc,

Will you please tell me the
nature of your group
counselling? I MAY want to
take part in it, but I may not!

STEWART: I almost have
cnough gall to plug my own
group programme, but not

S

"AS RY

Page C4, July 18, 1979 - North Shore News

thinking I am all. wrong? E Do -
_you sense that I have not got

‘decide to “go ‘on like this”
. you

" very eagerness ‘to be married

careful and to be frightened ‘

‘years, or whatever) during

‘you would like to see if you!

pressure if the two of you .

ther, Ob Ay pa

PEW Caw ala Fe Oe LER SP Oe

"You might follow out parts -
of this idea and eliminate!
_ other: parts,’ “and add.“ your
own so it will be what YOU:
want to do. You are so: right
in feeling you do not want to
goon like this _ forever." an

the feel of your-letter and of -
your situation? Would you
like to tell ME to get lost,
instead of telling him?

Well, if that’s the way you
feel about it, you'd. better.

for a while longer, But will. -
re-evaluate’ your .
thinking? Can it be that your

is’ one of the things that ,
prompts: him to be extra oo Af
“TIME: FOR A
bese TUNE-UP?
Why not let him know all © —
“over again that you love him, ©
that you know he loves you,
and that you can understand
his reluctance to “rush in”
too quickly and that you.
wait him to Have a time of
absolute freedom- from
feeling any pressure. from —
you? Then, why not offer
him a period of three months
(or three weeks, or three

ra

oF

which you will simply enjoy
each other and your
love without trying to decide
on your future?

The three months period
would be folowed up with a .
time of talking during which

two could become more
decisive about where you are
heading. It would_relieve:the =

would agree that even if you .
both discover BEFORE the
three months are past that —
you would like to make a
decision, you will postpone
it: until the duration of the
time you agree upon.

start learning to trust your
own insights and to move
into new choices because of
them. That's intentional
living! That is creating your
own reality, consciously!

Sleep with

Develop a profound and iaue:

respectful trust in the real
guy who wrote that letter up

and direct your intentional
living. But HE can!

h 4737 Kingsway, Burnaby
to p one across from Sears
434-661) ©

quite. If you don’t want to
talk with me about it on the
phone, write me again,
giving me your nam and
address and I will be happy
to respond to you.

You've written at a good
time because I will be
receiving applications during
July for the groups that start
in mid-September. I'm sure
you'll understand my
reluctance to use the column
in the way you suggest.

rr er a
eh ee Vet ELE WPT! AIM wa OAT ORE RITA AS ORES FM ESOT S
.

QUESTION:
-. impression -.
—‘percentage of the "questions . because .
/ you receive~ “are from-~column for quite a while, we
married couples or common- -
“law couples. I-may not be:
accurate in-that, it's jast an
{ opinion I have, but if that'ts..
‘| trae; would it not be a good
idea to get.a group of these ©
couples ‘together for- weekly -
. discussions or perhaps even
a week-end conference? _ :

a
political

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1 have “the” My hushand and I. cer-
that. a‘. high “tainly would be interested
after reading -your

STEWART: You are’ :
number 3 to ask about that .
possibility in the last two or.”
three weeks! Perhaps Td”
better pay-attention. When
number 1! made a similar -
proposal I began to picture a
weekend “LOVE-GROWTH .
SEMINAR FOR.COUPLES” »
and, in my imagination, ‘it

. had a rather attractive look
to it. Is that something like

are of the opinion that you

. would keep the gatherings
positive and constructive.
The_attenders need not. be
people who have written to
the column, bat any couples

- who would like to have the
experience. Would you be
game?

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