Doug
—B0ug.

@. get this straight * . 7

WE HAVE 8 monster in the house again. Yes, the evil
device known as a telephone answering machine is back.
Acting against my orders, you see (how could she do such a
thing?) Grey. Eyes arrived home the other day with a new .
one, the old one having been given the death penalty for in-
subordination and mutiny: But that’s not the story.

No one can tell me that: these
things don’t have a will of their
own. Regular readers will already
know, ‘of course, of the mighty
struggic ‘that went on between the
old machine and me ~ how it talked
to itself, made up false messages,
screamed, and had a beep that
never ended. But the new machine
doesn’ t like n me e either -

“Ww hat are things coming to when

4 residence. We can't come to the
Ele get ESE puia the beer. ‘Why didn’t you let me

} go out ona bit of business and
make the call. The beep scemed
fine, I leave a conciliatory message
and walk back to the house: But I
had forgotten my key. I dial the
apartment number so that Grey.;
Eyes can fet me in. But that damn. | -
ed machine ups and answers me. ,

“You have reached the Collins:

women bring infernal devices into the house
after they are told not to? Sir John A.

' Macdonald and other late notables would
never have stood Sor such a thing.”

“AS already explained, Grey Eyes
is the engineer in cur house. She
knows how to coax these contrap-
tions into co-operating. She knows -
about telephone jacks and plugs,
reducers, ctc., so there was no
dispute as to who should take the
new monster out of its wrapping
, and ive it all the cords it demand-

oy think I’ve done it,’ she an-
_ nounced happily. “Now. all you

phone: call to test. it. I'm sure-the |
beep will be shorter on this one."” ||

“Oh*yeah?”" 1 thought sulkily.
‘We'll see. se ne

a

‘phone right now, but if you wil
leave a short message...

I is too much. } curse this rotten
electronic world. The device heeds
me not. Wife must have gonc out,
I think, But she knew 1 was only
going to be out for tS minutes ar
‘80. What’s going on?

‘ Fshout into the phone: "It's me.

“And | bloody well can’t get in,

When are you going to be bloody

- home?” Meaning, of course, Grey
need to do is go, out and make a |

Eyes, not the machine.
. The device took to sulky silence.
tt didn't like being shouted at.
Whal to do? It’s raining. } need.

- shelter, Only one thing for it, | tell

in right away7"?

myself. EU have to trot off to the
watertip hole.

Veterans of the wars try ta doab
sympattctic as f bitterly tel them
my sad story. After a couple of
beets i phone home. This time,
Grey Eyes answers. She toa has a
sad story,

She had picked up the phone
tight after | had recorded my

unhappy message and pressed the -

buzzer to let me in. But it is a quiet

‘kind of buzzer and ‘the buzz of

rage in my cars must have
obscured it, Anyway, when |
didn’t appear, she came down in
her socks to Iet me in. She opened
the door and went out on the street
to look for me.

No Doug, he being on a steady
lope, as always when hale-bound.

Meanwhile, the door had closed
behind Mrs. Collins and she found
she had locked herself out. Yes.
there she was, prancing araund in
her socks on the sidewalk. {t was

: Mill raining, of course, and she was

not in the best of moods. Finally,
she found someone to let her in,
and the person concerned thought
it was all very funny.

1 too am still ruffled, in spite of

f ask.

‘Why should [?*' she replies.

Tam stunned into’silence.

My cronies in the watering hole,
on hearing all this, fall into ‘their
drinks. | go back through the rain,
bedraggled, press the buzzer and

am admitted. There is then a long’

but fruitless attempt to discover
how the answering machine got in-
to the act.

What went wrong, in my opi-
nion, was that my dear wife
disobeyed orders. What are things
coming to when women bring in-

fernal devices into the house after |

they are told not to? Sir John A,

Macdonald and other late notables

would never have stood for such a
thing.

The answering machine. is still
there, needless to say. Men are not
what they used lo be. Gh well,
perhaps it will behave itself ifs
talk nicely to it. But I fear it, will

always be boss, along with Grey

Eyes.
Can a man serve two. masters? e

; Police recover stolen truck

WEST "VANCOUVER. Police ai!

rested (wo teens in possession of a
stolen . vehicle’ ‘carly “ Wednesday
“morning in Horseshoe Bay. \

Police - ‘stopped a
“male” and: a 14-year-old. female

driving a 1987 Nissan pickup truck *

‘at’ the’ corner of Bay Street cand
Royal Avenue. {
Police discovered the truck had,
‘been ‘stolen April. 12 from a caz,
dealership in Red Deer, Alberte,:
Investigation showed the’ ma
“had gone to the dealership to test,
drive a car. On return to the lot, he
.told the’salesman, he was interested.
in’ buying. the car.but he didn’t!

have his cheque book with him. |. |

” /The salesman offered his truck:

| Bikes... Cie

and the buyer kept o on driving until:
police caught up with him at .
Horseshoe Bay., :

“16-year-old im :

Charges of theft aver $1, 000 and”

possession of stolen property are
pending against the pair. -

“While quantities last.

~ "OPEN 7 DAYS-A WEEK
"1479 CLYDE AVE, WEST VAN.

J UST BEHIND
McDONALDS

. Ecidas,

Nga 29,

LOR -

North Shore News

Minimum wage boosted

BRITISH | COLUMBIA'S — mini-«

“mum wage earners will get their

second boast in [6 months,
Labour Minister Lyall Hanson an-
nounced recently,

Effective July 1, the new mini-
mum wage for workers 18 or older
will, be $4.50 an hour and for
workers under 18 will be $4 an
hour. Both represerit 12 per cent
increases over the old minimum
wage levels,

On Feb. 1, minimum wages for
those 18 and older were raised
from $3.65 to $4; minimum wages
for people 18 and under were rais-
ed from $3 to $3.65.

Minimum wage
domestics, live-in. homemakers,”
farmworkers, horticultural
workers and resident caretaker will
also increase approximately 12 per
cent, as of July 1. .

The minister added chat he
would continue to monitor the im-
pact of the minimum wage.

Approximately five per. cent of
British Columbia’s work force
currently earns the minimum wage.
Most minimum wage earners are
employed in the accommodation

rates for

and food service industries,
and finance or in agriculture,

‘Collingwood School

Country Hair

Satirday, April 30, 1988
10 am - 3 pm

trade

8, International Cuisine Burgers ‘n ‘Dogs
_. «+ Treasure Chest * Bottle Stall.
"Calico Crafts * Games & Entertainments

# Corner Store

x MAJOR RAFFLE ** New To You

& Silent Auction

* Garden Shop. & Bedding Plants
Governors’ Midway :
ws for Children ....,
‘* ¥ Fun Galore

& Much Much More!

“See Mar oN RIGHT

. ‘cou. INGW inn SCHOOL :

70 MORVEN DRIVE
WEST VANCOUVER