C10 - Sunday, April 25, 1982 - North Shore News

QUESTION: I enjoy ob-
serving some of our
traditions, but sending

birthday cards is not one of
them. I think birthday cards
are a stupid nuisance. Some
people may enjoy receiving
cards, but do you know
anyone who enjoys picking
them out and sending them?
I never hear anyone say, “Oh
boy here's my chance to do
something nice for cousin

Scared of violent boyfriend

QUESTION: I am in love
with a wonderful man who
has brought me a great deal
of joy and happiness. I have
hoped from the beginning of
our friendship that it would
develop into a iasting
relationship. I have known
him about two years.

The first year there was no
cloud in the sky. Everything
was great. But I began to see
signs that he had a bad
temper.

He ‘vould go to great
extremes in what he said to
people when he got into one
of his rages. Then I learned
from him that he had on
several occasions become
physically violent with
several people. He does not
like this in himself, but says,
even though he is _ so
frightened of doing someone
harm, that he just cannot
help himself.

Twice now, in recent
months, when had a little tiff
going, he became un-
controllable and his temper
led to his hitting me. He was
terribly upset later and
apologized, of course.

Bat, the fact of the matter
is, | amon afrald of him. I
cannot look forward to
marriage (which he wants}

without a dread. What
should | do?

STEWART: Because = he
docs not hike how he ots

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Ethel.” It's more likely that
Ill hear “Fve just got to go
down to the store and pick
out one of those crazy cards
for ‘the dearest cousin in the
world’. Ethel is so dam
touchy, I dare not be late
with it.”

That sort of attitude is
hypocritical and I don't want
to be counted in on it. | for
one am not going to send any
more birthday cards, but |

should tell him frankly of
your fears in regard to your
futures together. The sort of
temper he is struggling with
may have emerged out of a
vanity of causes: emotional,
psychological, physical or a
combination of them. You

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extra 10%

Ys

No more birthday cards ©

know that won't have much
of an effect on the silly
birthday ceremony we go
through, so I here and now
call on everyone to join me

and boycott the whole
birthday card system.
Really, honestly now,

don’t you think that makes
sense?

STEWART: I think the part
about you not sending any
more cards makes sense,

ask hayden stewart

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242
for appointments for individual, family or group counselling.

could support him in getting
ali the help he can in
eliminating his temper, so
that you could then think
more positively about the
future. Meanwhile, if he
fetuses to get help, you will

very wise to end the

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because, for you, in your
present frame of mind, it
would be “hypocritical”. It
would also make sense for
anyone who is lured by your
proposal to boycott, to join
with you and get on with it.

I would like to suggest
however that you do not
make an absolute and
everlasting decision not to
send cards to anyone, ever,
because there might possibly
come a day when = you
become aware of someone
who would enjoy getting a
card, or perhaps’ even
NEEDS to get a card. You
wouldn't want to refuse that
person a card just because of
your private commitment
would you? I think that
would be hypocritical and
you seem eager to avoid
hypocrisy. I say you SEEM
eager to avoid hypocrisy.
Whether, in fact, you do or
do not, is for you to decide.

relationship, no matter how
hard that would be for you.

Let him know that you
want him, but that you want
him BETTER. and that you
will help him find his an-
swers in co-operation with
qualified therapists.

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