50 - Wednesday, November 2, 1988 - Nortis Shore News

Problem arises after
battie with alcoholism

Q. I AS 35 and a recovering
alcoholic, as is my lady with
whom I have been living for
some time. Everything
should be looking up for us

. because we have really been

getting our lives together
and enjoying it. But now,
when J least need it, I am
having trouble making love
—- for the first time.

in the past, I have never had
trouble with erections, but now
they are unreliable when shuring
sex with my partner. Sometimes I
am able, but not always, and I can
tell that she is really turned off
when I fail her. I have so trouble
when gzatifying myself alone.
Please give me some advice, as I
am afraid that she is moving away
from me because cf this.

A. Congratulations to you both
on overcoming the addiction to
alcohol. Whatever lies ahead, this
is a wonderful victory. Hang onto
it. Don’t let any temporary

discouragement cause you to doubt
that whatever problems life brings,
you can handle them better sober.

ask
Dr. Ruth
Dr. Ruth Westheimer

Many couples find that sex
begins to present problems after
they have been together for a
while. The first rush of enthusiasm
for the new relationship becomes
my temperate and unrealistic
doubts begin to seep in. The man
may begin to doubt his virility; the
v.man, to doubt She is as attrac-
tive as she ozce was.

A large part of my work is with
married couples who need to learn
how to keep sex alive and well in
marriage. This is often because
they think shared sexual pleasure
and interest rises and ebbs like the
tide, and wise married people do
Not expec? it to stay the same al!
the time.

In particular, the man who has
never had any trouble performing
is unnerved when he first en-
counters erectile difficulty. it is a
good sign that sometimes you do
well in shared sex and always who
you stimulate yourself. Any ques-
tion of failing performance ability
seems to be in your imagination,
shared at times by a majority of
men.

When a man begins to doubt his
ability to become erect, he often
becomes a victim of his own
doubts. You and your lady have to
understand that there will probably
be times when the wanted erection
fails to take place or goes away. If
neither of the partners lets this
become a big deal, there will be
plenty of fine crections in the
future. Meanwhile, in a calm
mood, the couple can turn to other
forms of intimacy. .

You are clearly not married to
this woman, but what has happen-
ed in your relationship happens
within marriages. I think you both

would benefit from reading Dr.
Ruth’s Guide for Married Lovers,
which covers your dilemma.

Another fine book is Dr. Alex
Comfort’s The Joy of Sex. What
a wonderful title — what a helpful
book! And believe me, the joy of
sex is not just for people in the
first rush of mutual attraction. It
gets better and more enjoyable
within seasoned relationships,
when there is a shared understan-
ding of human sexuality.

You and your lady are having a
worry that comes to many couples
including those who have never
had any problem with alcohol or
substance abuse. Having shed
alcoholism, you are beginning to
encounter some of the little set-
backs of ordinary life. Don’t let
them throw you.

You say that you can tell she is
turned off when you ‘‘fail’’ her in
bed. What you can ‘‘tell’? may be
quite inaccurate as to what she is
really thinking. So commonly the
woman thinks, ‘‘He doesn’t love
me any more.’? You know that
isn’t true.

Do all you can to reassure her. It
may be that when what vou plann-
ed to dc in bed doesn’t happen, it
would help her to think you have a
real commitment to her and that
this little bedroom mishap is not a
sign you are planning to leave her.
A possibility?

Q. My friend is 16 and just
beginning to be sexually active. 1
told her to go to a clinic and get on
the pill or be fitted with a
Giaphragm so she wouldn't get
pregnant. Well, a couple of weeks
ago she thought she was pregnant
and had the scare of her life. I
begged her to wise up and go to
the clinic, bu1 she told me another
friend has said she could avoid
pregnancy be having sex during her
Period. What do you think?

A. I think you are a really good
friend to go to this trouble. First I
ami going to answer a question you
didn’t ask.

There is a method of avoiding
pregnancy by avciding intercourse
except at certain times in the fe-
male monthly cycle. {t is a good
method, but only for people who
go to classes and learn how to do
it, and then have the cburacter and
the good memory needed to apply
the method. Otherwise it is a game
of chance. { don’t think your
friend is ready for this method.

She is mucli better off going to
the clinic ani getting the best and
most up-to-date advice abcut
avoiding prcgnancy. This is what I
think she should do unless she
means te stop having intercourse.

Furtnermore, and this is the ad-
vies you didn’t ask for but I’m giv-
ing it anyway, she is too young at
16 to be having intercourse —- too
young to risk pregnancy, too
young to start having the relation-
ships that go with it.

Sixteen is too young for anyone,
and certainly for this girl, who
sounds very impressionable and
uninformed. I really wish she
would stop having sex and wait
until she is older and ready to run
her own life in every way.

Q. i am 71 years young. I had
an inflatable penile prosthesis im-
plant in 1984 and have had a most
enjoyable sex life ever since. Up to
now, no problems or adjustments
necessary. I am writing this to you
because I read the letter fiom the
gentleman about implants, and I
think he should knew about my

Fi FIGHT THE
LUNG
CRIPPLERS

F Support Your Lung Association

good experience.

A. Thanks for your good
hearted and encouraging letter.
And congratulations!

a

CORRECTION NOTICE
RE: The “COME SHARE THE
MAGIC” flyer that appeared on
Nov. 1, 1988.

FRONT PAGE: Due to cir-
cumstances beyond our control
the “NINTENDO” will not be
available.

Woolco sincerely regrets any in-
convenience that this may cause
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