38 - Sunday, June 9, A party nobody I DEAR MISS MANNERS — A senior staff member of our organization has adopted the practice of hosting a pool party at his home every summer. These parties are deadty dull, with neither conversations nor ac- tivities of general interest. Ours ts a small organiza- tion (14 staff members), and 1985 - North Shore News . be so hurt.” Let us get everyone off the hook. So that no individual should appear surly, send the boss a memo from the entire staff, thanking him for his generous hospitality, but explaining that family and other personal commit- ments make it impossible for by Judith Martin the employees tio not share common social interests. However, the majority fect obligated to attend this par- ty. Each summer, more and more staff members offer polite excuses for being unable to attend. Alarmed by the high number of nega- tive responses, the host has announced that this summer, he plans to take a new tack. He will circulate a list of possible party dates, so that each staff member can in- dicate when he-she is available, and then schedule the party on the date conve- nient for the majority. Obviously, we cannot all be busy every weekend from now till September. Ii we are truthful and admit to being free on a particular date, what excuse can we give? No one wants to hurt this man’s feelings, but everyone wants to avoid going to this party. GENTLE READER — Here is a pitiful example of what is wrong with the idea that businesses should be staffed by friends. The American tradition of enter- taining, or being entertained by, the boss, has resulted in very little pleasure or pro- ductivity, compared to the amount of anxiety, boredom or remorse it produces. Your poor old boss prob- ably doesn’t enjoy this any more that the staff does. He thinks he is doing this as a favor for all of you, and while you people are trying to spare his feelings, he is saying to his wife, ‘I know you hate it, but I can't disappoint the staff; they’d you to be sure of keeping clear your off-hours recre- ation time. End on a note of thanks for the offer, with the deep regret that this results in insurmountable scheduling problems that make it impossible for you to take advantage of his kindness, Miss Manners guarantees that your relief will be nothing compared to that of _the boss’s family. DEAR MISS MANNERS — Prior to my mother's death three years ago, my parents and I all enjoyed the family summer home together, even though I have long since Lapels, Slacks & Ties Narrowed jackets re-lined LONDON TAILOR SHOP Tailor 8 Designer 1368 Marine Drive at 14th West Van 922-2117 moved out on my own, (I am in my 20s.) My father and I continue to meet for summer weekends, and recently have been joined by a very nice lady my father bas (much to my approval) been seeing for about a year. There has even been talk of marriage. But of course, sleeping arrange- ments follow the rules of prioricty for my father's and my guests. While I am friendly with this woman, of late she has assumed the role of ‘lady of the house’. This includes disciplining me on what she believes my behavior should be in my own home, instruc- ting me where, when and how to sit, eat, clean,.etec., and generally behaving as if HOME FURNISHINGS Warehouse/Showroom OPEN TO THE PUBLIC (2 Diks. behind the Avaton) at 1075 Roosevelt Cres.. N.Van. 12-4 Sin 980-8738 SKIN BODY avo HAIR CENTRE Eyelash Tinting * Cosmetic Face Lifts © Hair Removal she were my mother, and not a guest in my home, She also makes my guests, both male and female, ‘toe the mark", which makes them, and me as their host, fecl uncomfortable. 1 feel obligated to ensure that my friends and guests are not harassed. My father has taken a neutral stand, ignoring the situation entirely, He is the actual owner of the home, and she is his girlfriend — more than just a passing fancy — but does that make her “lady of the house''? Does being the son of the homeowner make me co- host (and thereby obligated to tolerate this woman's behavior) or am I just a guest in my father's home? SELECTED Kes Am I required by the rules of etiquette to tolerate this behavior? GENTLE READER — Miss Manners hopes that the lady in question some day comes to appreciate your tact as much as Miss Man- ners does. Surely, you can- See Mothering Page 41 SHEET SALE Je June 1015. June 17-22... June 24-29. 50 %=« PILLOW CASES ¢ FLAT & FITTED SHEETS * QUILT CASES ¢ SKIRTS | |DOWN'N UNDER Bedding Shop 2011 South Park Royal, W.V. 2186 West 4th Ave. Van. ea HAIR ah 1351 MARINE DR. WEST VAN ayy 90% ort 0% 926-2821 736-1828 ° Phone for your appointment now. 922-4434 PARK ROYAL’S SUMMER RECREATION SHOW June 10-15 North & South Malls See Summer Recreation ideas for the whole family at Park Royal's Summer Recreation Show. Displays by: ve Alpine Adventure Tours +: Ambleside Surt-Sailing ‘: Ariel Sports : Capilano Suspension Bridge <: Grouse Mountain Resorts * Kumsheen Raft Adveniures ve North Vancouver's Karen “: The Jip Set Sailing Schoo! ss Whitewater Adventures v: Wind- Tech Magnussen Arena Raft Inc. PARK ROYAL The Centre of Attention for 35 Years 1950-1985