CANADA POST delivered a startiing bit of news last week. Through the magic of their computers, we were advised that our office is actually known as The Pink Pearl. Until now, my company and more sizable neighbors, like Crest Realty, had thought we were located at Westview Centre, the four-storey office building at the entrance to the Westview Shopp- ing Centre. Not so. The Pink Pearl, says the post office. Are they ever wrong? Just ask (the Lonsdale branch is rumored to open for an hour or so each Tuesday). Do you get the impression that this is the beginning of a long story? A rude notice arrived from Canada Post some weeks ago ad- vising that we were using the wrong postal code. We have been in the building for 1§ months. All of our stationery, computer files - and similar references have the same code. My able assistant scouted the . building to discover that all of the tenants — doctors, lawyers, 2 barber, travel agency. a music store, a dentist, Crest Realty and a few others —- were using the same code as we were. Ms. Rudkin (aforementioned able assistant) dialled Canada Post and soon encountered a human being, luckily striking one of their - few business hours, This official was adamant. We ‘ had the wrong code. Everybody had the wrong code. Except the new tenant across the hall. The new folks had a special code all to themselves. Canadz Post advised us that our building — unbeknownst to us — had been cemolished a year ago. I must have been away that day. When it was rebuilt, the new postal codes were assigned. Upon checking, none of our neighbors had ncticed the demolition and Gary annerman OPEN LINES restaurant called The Pink Pearl. Now we had the kind of clue Columbo could handle. It was determined that the long defunct Pink Peart had been part of a fire that destroyed some of the Wesiview Shopping Centre many years ago. When the remains were bulldozed away, the present build- ing was censtructed. It assumed the old postal code, without so much as a wink from the letter carrier. As I said, my firm snuck up on the post office 18 months age. All avenues having been travel- led, after the investment of con- siderable time and energy, our - friendly pos? office cheerfully ad- vised us that we could ail keep the old code. This seemed like a neat solu- tion: except for the one new (e- nant across the hall. They were left with 2 non-conforming postal code. This company is probably managed by someone who, unlike me, does not have che milk of human kindness flowing through his veins. My guess is that he forgot for a moment thai these were dedicated public servants. He probably told them to get stuffed. He advised the post office that he had spent the usual small for- tune on stationery, invoices, business cards and computer data, with a substantial investment in order to inform the clients. But this is not a usual tenant. My new neighbor produces com- puter software, What do you suppose this soft- ware does? It is a postal code program. His client businesses set up their computers to sort and assign mail by postal code. The prospect of announcing a chanec of postal cade to their clients would be mich like an auto manufacturer recalling new models. This wouid not inspire confidence in the product. Canada Post, concerned that computers might correctly con- clude that it is awash in buf- foonery, reversed itself. The cur- rent verdict (they change hourly? is that the postal code software firm yets to keep its code and the rest of us have to change. It is clearly a case of The Pink Pearl versus Hi-Tech Invader. My infallible legal nose detects a golden cpporiunity. I’ve spent more time in court than F. Lee Bailey. Unlike my friend, F. Lee, who mostly does talk shows and writes books, | keep a good many Rumpoles in silk. We can sll go to the printers and sue Canada Post for costs ($50,000-$ 100,000 for the build- ing?). It would be fun to sub- poena Harvie Andre, the minister responsible for this ridiculous organization. The alternative would be to please the many and assault the newcomer. In such an event, one Sunday, November 24, 1991 - North Shore News - 9 The case of the confused postal code hopes the victim would use cre- ative arithmetic to calcuiate the cost of embarrassment, reprinting and reprogramming computers. Perhaps we could compromise. One side of the hal! can tiave the new code. The other side will re- tain the old code. And Canada Post can blame Jean-Claude Parot for the confusion. This is the usual solution. 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Apparently, the landlord had A Place To Go When You're Pregnant And Need Support: | BIRTHRIGHT neglected to give all of the tenants fi 987-7313 © Free Pregnancy Test + . the proper code. Now we were hot : 299 Lonsdale in Vancouver Cai! on the trail of the various / landlords, a list that !’m advised j North Vancouver 687-7223 . ‘includes Charles and Edgar _ Bronfman. Do you suppose they know the right code? ‘ Mystified, the landlord joined us in‘asking why the mail was delivered with the wrong code for over three years? ‘This took.us back to the demo- tition lopic. . Canada Post then gave us the good news. According to their postal code machine, our code . was the last known address of a : AMBLESIDE TOYS 'N SOBBIES |: 1425 Marine Dr.. West Van. wer 822-3512 Eastem Cougar Fens concolor tee a Kew, CORSONTIAEE DR, CORRECTION On page 31 of our current flyer, the photographs of items 4 (4581-785) and 6 (#581-793) have been transposed. 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