1990 - North Shore News

LIFESTYLES

38 - Wednesday, July 18,

ONENESS GF HUMANITY

Ye dwell in:
have been ur-uted through
the operatic:. cf one will.
Blessed is he who bringeth
with all mer: in a spirit of
utmost Kin ti:ness and

: world. and

Woman complains
hubby won't take charge

Q. 1 AM 25, my husband is 36. Our sex life is the pits. I
am lucky if it happers once or twice a month. When it
does, | am the one who initiates if by asking.

Baha'u Yah

about where he got the idea. It's
everywhere!

Maybe he is feeling confused or
lonely by being separated from
you and he is expressing those

Unfortunately, fam the kind of do it. You seduce him. You

woman who likes a man to take
charge of the sex and please her. I
have told him this many times,
but it doesn't change him. When I
bring up *he subject of sex, he
says, ‘‘Don’t worry. We'll do it
soon.”'

pleasure him and show — dont
tell! — him what to do for yeu.
Hopefully, he will respond to this
approach and become more inter-
ested in sex.

At the end of a month, ask him
if he would take 2 turn at taking

feclings by distancing himself in
the way he wants to have sex now.

Tell him you want to make love

the way you did before he left.

Then, make a little noise. ft won't
hurt you;
excite him.

and it will please and

CANDICE

Q. When we got married 28
years ago, my wife was a virgin. [
thought her purity was 2 wonder-
ful thing, and f° was wrong. For
28 years I have been a sexually
frustrated man.

LOST YOUR
NAIL TECHNICIAN?

I can't five like this much
longer. He does work long hours
at his business, and we have a
two-year-old son. Do you think
work and responsibilities ace zap-
ping him sexually? | want to see a
counselor, bui be doesn’t. What
else can I do?

A. Maybe you have been zapp-
ing him sexually! By telling him
repeatedly that you want a man
who takes charge and_ berating
him for not being such a man,
you may have intimidated him in-
to passive behavior. Perhaps he is
so afraid he won't satisfy you that
he doesn’t even try.

I suggest you take charge of the
sex for the next month. Don’t tell
him what you are doing, but just

ask
Dr. Ruth

Ruth Westheimer

charge.

Q. I have been married less
than a year and my busband has a
complaint about me sexually. He
says it bothers him that [ don't
make noise when I make love. I
can’t help it if 'm quiet. Now I'm
wondering if my quietress has
turned him off to me.

Recently he joined the service
and I only see him twice a month.
All he wants to do on those occz-
sions is have oral sex. I wonder
where he picked that idea up-

A. He could have “picked up”’
the idea anywhere. Perhaps he has
heard the other men talk about
this practice or seen it performed
in adult movies he may have wat-
ched with them. I wouldn’t worry

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We have seen two psychiatrists
and a husband-and-wife team of
sex therapists. We've read books
and articles and had long talks
our problems. No im-

A. 1 doubt there is anything you
ean do sexually that you haven’t
already done. Maybe sex isn’t the
real problem in your relationship.
Sometimes married people who
have no interest in sex are really
very angry at their partners. The
anger is so submerged they don’t
recognize it. She may sincerely
say, “I’m not angry."* That
doesn’t mean she isn't.

It's also possible some incident
of abuse in her childhood has
caused her to shut herself off sex-
ually.

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