C10 - Sunday, March 14, 1982 - North Shore News

Feeling strange about her adoption

QUESTION: I am a 14 year
old boy. I have a sister, 19,
and a 12-year old brother.
My father died four years
ago. My mother is working.
We have a nice family really
because I guess you could
say we are sort of close to
each other and lke each
other. All of us kids love my
mother because she is really
a neat person.

You may think | have a
pretty good thing going for
me and you are right. But

Learn to accept your best qualities

QUESTION: Nobody really
knows me. For years and
years I have made sure they
don’t by keeping a whole lot
of feelings to myself.
Without bragging, I can say
that | am attractive, in good
health, very proficient at my
job, a good mother and a
good wife. I hardly
make mistakes and am
continually reaching for
perfection in everything |
do. Everyone [| know
seems to think I've got it all
together. But actually, even
though I am really doing so

ever

there is one thing that sort of
bothers me. When I was
eight I was told that I am
adopted. | was adopted
when I was a baby. Every
since then | have felt a little
out of it.

I can't think of one thing
that anyone has said or done
to make me feel different
than the others, but that
feeling of not quite being
like the others is a worry to
me. Everyone is great with
me, but I'm wondering if

well, inwardly I am_ very
scared of people and feel
most inadequate. My self-
esteem is so low that I am
continually working = at
putting on a front that will
hide the fact that I have such

feelings of inferiority. So,
l am very much alone in
knowing the truth about

myself. | am tired to death of
being thought of so highly by
others and feeling so badly
about myself. What in the
world can 1 do?

STEWART: | am glad that
you are willing and able to

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they are that way because
they don't want me to feel
out of it because I am
adopted.

They've GOT to feel like
I'm different because the
truth of it is, 1 AM different.
The other kids are natural
members of the family and |
am not, | am just adopted.
I've never talked to my
brother or my sister or my
mother about my feelings.
Do you think | should? I
don't want anyone to think |

ask hayden stewart

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242
for appointments for individual, family or group counselling

recognize many of your good
accomplishments. That will
be a help to you. You are
sensible enough to see that
you must have even more
going for you than you are
used to thinking because
surely you could not fool so
many people for such a long
time

This may be a clue Is it
sigmificant to you that the
things both vou and others
are pleased about in) vou
might be thought of as ac
complishments OT
achievements Whereas the

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am unhappy with them.
STEWART: As you say
yourself, the reason you feel
“different” is because you
ARE different. You = are
adopted and the others are

mom first of all. Tell her the
same sort of thing that your
letter has said and just let
things happen between you
After you have talked with
your mom you may want lo

may want to say something
to your sister and brother
also. At that time, you will
know what you want to do

] believe you are headed
Into an even better time with

not. However, that does not
mean that because you are
adopted you automatically
become the recipient of a
different kind or quality or
quantity of love. In your
family, which, apparently
has developed a pretty deep-
reaching sort of mutual love.
you seem to have been
received and accepted and
loved just hke the others
have. 1 am sure you are
happy over that and see it as
a very very special kind of
family relatedness.

I can understand your not
talking about it with the rest
of the family up unul now,
but probably the mght ume
to do it has arnved. | have a
hunch that it would be best
for you to talk with your

just let it go at that, or, you — these people you love!

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Because you have closed
yourself off from others
(and, from yourself) for such
a long time, it might be the
wisest procedure for you to
start off with some coun-
selling that will help vou
loosen up to vour own truth
1 strongly recommend that
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