Exit laug Paul St, Pierre PAULITICS & PERSPECTIVES THE NEWSPAPER colum- nists* union has lone envied Jamie Lamb of the Vancouver Sun because he staked out the first claim on apold mine of humor about the Surrey municipality. Jamie can never be ata lass fora funny column, He just phones Surrey and asks what the council- lors and school board trustees are doing. lavariably, they have found some infricate new uses for the tax. payers’ collars, such as tidings tae humped Ractrian camels across Mongolia or seching alliniate truths about municipal sewer contruction in New Orleans at Mardi Gras time. Surrey has been to Janie Lamb what the U.S, Congress wits to Will Rogers. Will said “I don't write humor about congress: | just report what they're doing.” The rest oflus never drank at Jamie Lamb's municipal springs. no matter how tempted. He dida't have a copyright on their capers but he was the First to notice their hick of usualness and he bela strong moral right to eaclusive conmnmentan their doings. We need not hive been so cave ctous. AT the restofus had a trea sery of natural hamian madness into which we could have dipped. The Central Intelligence Agency of the United States has clown acts to supply all colunmists well inta the neat millennium, Why haven't we been taughing, like the KGB? Perhaps awe failed to seu the hammor becatse the CLA was so SIrong, sey pervasive and se persaia- sive. How can vou laugh at people as riehas the CHA, inventors of the cocktail party eadio tran inter? This device, disguised as a staffed alive with ag adeane which looked like a toothpick, broadesst diplomatic party cocktail gossip direct from a atartini glass 10 CTA headquarters in Virginia. The Antericans could achalts hear Nikita Khrastiches complain- ing about his need of all-bran to keep regular or some other figure of world-renawe telling dirty fakes. OF all places in this wortd to seek worthwhile information, 3 diplomatic cocktail party in Washington, Moscow ar isew York ranks barely ahead of listening in on conversations dia sheep shee ing shed in New Zealand, That dida‘tauiticr. We were inypressed. We didte tC haugt, We slept safer in aur bods by: Hight becuse we knew the world’s mightiest intelligence agency thought continuously about our safely. That is, when they weren't devising exploding cigars with which to ussasstate Fidel Castro, Naw and then the CLA ted American presidents inte gigantic spoots. With the president sitting on Gas attendant beaten, robbed TWO SUSPECTS assaulted a gits station attendant an Feb. 19 dering a robbery at the Chevron station at 2698 Capilano Rd. The suspects assaulted the aten- dant when he.went to check Buse line levels at approximately 11:30 p.m., according to a North Vancouver RCMP spokesman, ; The suspects dragged the atten- dint back into the store where they smashed video surveillance equip. Ment and took a substantial amount of cash from the Gill They also Mole cigareties, Forward information on this crime to Const. Mark Brawn, North Vancouver ROMP. 985-10 FL. a mishings from these 3 established dealers only! SUGAR BARREL ANTIQUES » 4285 Maln St., - 878-5234 STEWARTS ANTIQUES L. - SESOND TIME ABOUND ANTIQUES 4391 Main St. , 872-1155 4428 Main St., 879-2313 MAIN STREET, VANCOUVER the whoopee cushion. One of these was dhe CLA-spun- sored invasion of Cuba atthe Bay of Pigs.’ Why did none of us listen. adler ward. to President John Kennedy who said ALD Life Phave haown beter than to (rust i esxperts, How could Phave been so stupid lo tet them vo ahead?” The ¢ ads ising presidcats that the Shah of Tran could Bot be everthrows by Khomeini and dee Saddaar ttusseitt af traq would aever invade Kuwait because fe wits America’s friend. In benween such triumphs of wareason, CUA chieds were Known lo gel involved in the unsavory business of deeviving congressmen, senators, presidents, presidentictl stall anet other people wha most of Us thaught «erg on our teat, Irwas offen hard to tell which side abe CLA was fiuhting for, Lint week's news, however, brought the oftimate, the quates- sential, the orgasmic moment of untruth, [twits doscovercd that a senior CIA man hits been in the pay of the Rautssiitas foe aiaay: seston aad gave away secrets that led la the execu. SEPARATE ADMISSION FEATURES THE WEDDING BANQUET Nightly 7:05pm, SavSun 2:50pm SIX DEGREES OF SEPARATION Non 9:00pm, Sat/Sun. 4:50pm A has always gone ahead. Friday, March 4, 1994 - North Shore News - 9 tion of almost a dozen Russians who were spying for ts. How long dias the CEA suspected it hak amote? Not weeks. Not trontlis, Years. A spectub agent wis assigned to find tim, Nobody soticed that the spy. working on salary af $69,000 4 year before tives. had bought a hall! inition donee haus row amd paid cash for it After pitssing over 5,000 of those crisp Conutes. he found another SEOOOOU willy a tick ta Mahe Penow stony, He bought a Jaguar and thea, being a good husbiund. bought a second for his wile and pati cash for these, aso, if this happened to a $69,000-a- year main ty Canada, the income tin apis Mon 31798. CINEMA 2 SEPARATE ADMISSION FEATURES BEETHOVEN'S 2ND Nightly 6:50pm, Sat/Sun 2:45pm Goneral THE PIANO Hightly 8:30pm, SaySun 4..:Apmn 14 years R | ELSE 1s WEARING? CUSTOM MADE SUIT SALE PARK ROYAL SOUTH «rree even Sree) as in milliontire’s ing with the CIA clown act | department would have nabbed him by tow, The world’s greatest intelligence network apparcatly thought he'd word Lotto or fad a generous uncle, Nobody, pot even the exploding cigar technicians, seems to hive been curious, Inthe 2ood news week tht last week was, there was ooly one thing niorg carmic. This was the American government expressing shock ai Qetrage thatthe Russians are doing to them exactly what they were doing to the Russitas, except Notas well, So, Jamie Lamb, take notice. The CIA has everything to efter as that Surrey has, a source of endless merriment, liaghier enough forall. _eofing framing ; order min. $30 CINEMA 3. SHADOWLANDS Nightly 7:00pm, Sat/Sun. 4:30pm Gonerat PLL DO ANYTHING Nightly 9:15pm