44 - Sunday, June 29, 1986 - North Shore News

YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT |
Family’s feelings must come first

LOVELY BRIDES and bridegrooms: Miss Manners wishes
you the fulfillment of all of your dreams except one. She
does not wish that your wedding day be the happiest day of
your life — that it be, in sum, perfect.

This apparent churlishness
comes out of an intimate knowl-
edge of that touching bridal hope,
and the questions you send Miss
Manners in hopes of making it
come true. Questions such as:

“Ever since 1 was small, I
dreamed of having a big wedding
with all the trimmings, but my
parents are arguing for something
more affordable. How can | make
them understand how much it
means to me?’’

“Our parents want a big splashy
wedding, but we’re the ones who

are’ paying for it, and we want.to.
keep: it- casual,’ “Something that our

friends “would njoy.. They ‘say

“I'd like to have my friends
from high school, but I’m afraid
of how they might show up look-
ing. My fiance comes from a big
family, some of whom probably
won't fcel at ease with my family.
Is there any way | can let people
know how they should dress and
behave?”’

“We don't like silver, and have
all the household things we need.
But we’re saving up for a big trip
to Europe. How can we let people

miss

Manners
yy Judith Martin

ry

their friends would be offended by —
want. Isn't it: our :

° “My stepfather i is paying ‘for the.

wedding, | and:my father is‘ only
paying. for: the: ‘liquor. Who h uld

“Doel -have- to ‘let ‘my “father’s

new wife be -there?- I'don’t. want _

her at any, fesnily table - — ~'she’ s not
ilyA

know that instead of giving us a lot
of things we don’t’ want, they
could contribute to that, -which we
will really enjoy.”

Before Miss manners attempts to
answer these questions, you have
to allow her to sigh. There you are,
‘all shining with love and plans. But
if she brushes the sweet bridal veil

’ aside from your ideas, here i is what

she finds:
. “How can I make it clear to my

‘parents that ! want them to pay the

“bills. without quibbling, and not in-
terfere with the staging of my
private wedding fantasy, no matter

ist... -what it costs?”

“All right then — what percent-
age of the wedding bill entitles the

te ‘Marnie Shkwarok —

is pleased to announce the opening
of her dental practice in association with

parent or step-parent who pays it to
which honors and decisions? If we
pay our own vills, don’t they
forfeit the right to have any say
about anything?”’

“How can we exclude relatives
we don’t like from the wedding or,
if we must have them, use the
seating arrangements or other
manoeuvres to show how we
feel?”

‘*How can I have a perfect wed-
ding when I have so many im-
perfect friends and relatives, with
their own awful ideas or wishes
ihat don’t fit in with mine? How
can I force everyone who attends
to dress and act the way I want
them to?”

“How can we maximize the
fund-raising potential of our wed-
ding, in order to get what we want
(for instance, we like cash a lot)
instead of all the dumb things
people may try to give us?”’

The answers to all of these ques-
tions are the same, and not what

you dear brides and bridegrooms.

had hoped. That answer is: You
can’t. Don’t try. It isn’t nice, and
it won't work.

There are, indeed, aspects . ‘of

Marriage that: are designed for the
exclusive pleasure of the bridal
_couple, regardless of what anyone
else thinks. But the. wedding -is not

one of them.’ Weddings are held
for the families and friends involy-

CONCORDE
_ COPY

WATT
eRvRe ‘ON MANY JOBS
HIGH QUALITY ©
einaineges PRICING.

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ed, and must accommodate
themselves to those people’s cir-
cumstances and wishes. You can-
not successfully stage a wedding

that is out of line with your fami-
ly’s style of living, or that requires

See Weddings
Page 45

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