22 — Wednesday, March 24, 1999 — North Shore News JUST when I thought all hope was Jost for a cure for one of the most distressing dis- eases of modern times, a ray of hope has appeared on the hori- zOn. The disease i'm reterring to is cellulite, of course. And the ray of hope for a cure has come in the form of a new product called cel- lasene, which promises to completely eliminate the unsightly fatty deposits that commonly pucker around a woman's rear end, upper thighs, stomach, and, if she’s really lucky, her upper arms. You all know what I'm referring to, I'm sure. Cellulite is a gal’s worst enemy. It’s the debilitating dis- ease that makes you retire your bathing suit for aii but really stifling hot days, and even then you only put it on when no one else is around. It’s the psychologically distressing condition thar forces you to buy bathing suit cover-ups that cover all but your hands and feet, that makes you glad golf shorts go down to your knecs, and that has you con- sidering wearing flesh col- ored pantihose underneath all your clothing, including your nightie. You've probably heard the common references to cellulite from insensitive people (mostly men), even if they weren't directed at you. “She's got a cheesy butt” is pretty standard jargon for how the condition can affect the way a woman’s bottom looks. Or, “Cottage cheese thighs,” and that old family favourite of ours, “pucker burt” (not to be confused with baggy butt) pretty aptly describe the mottled look of cellulite. I looked up the term cel- lulite in my Oxford dictio- “Looking for a New &¢g eo nary, but it wasn’t there. (Apparently this condition isn’t something, the British want to define.) In layman's terms, cel- lulite is the lumpy, irregular farty deposits thar are found under the skin usually around the burtacks, hips and thighs. And it doesn’t “Cellulite is the Gestapo of fat. It’s hideous, insidious, and next to impossible to defeat.” seem fo matter that you exercise like a fiend and maintain a slim physique, cellulite has a way of show- ing up on even the buitest gals, especially as we get older. Why, even babies have cellulite. One gal I know who had a lovely, bouncing baby girl was so distressed at the dim- ply chub all over the infant’s thighs and bottom that she enrolled her immediately in those mother-baby exercise sessions. Why do you think the mother-tor exercise ses- sions were created in the first place anyway? A woman’s stomach, thighs, and bum are a seri- ous battleground, and the number one enemy she wages war with is fat. Cellulite is the Gestapo of far. Ir’s hideous, insidious, north shore news PARENTAL GUIDANCE in the ce and nest to impossible ro defeat. Is ir any wonder the tecklesy femate of the species is tlocking to the drag stores to stock up on cellasene? Here’s the theory behind this new miracle drug. Fat is trapped in compariments in a network of honeycomb like supportive fibers under- neath the skin. As the fat builds up in these comparrments, they bulge our, causing the dim- pled look we so detest. (It's interesting to note here that men apparently have much stronger supportive fibers in this honeycomb network, which is why you don’t see much cellulite on them). The developers of cel- lasene claim that by increas- ing the blood How and metabolic rate, trapped fat is freed and cellulite is thus eliminated. Sounds like it makes good sense, doesn't it? The problem is, there have oniy been two small Italian studies done on this new miracle cure, and both were uncontrolled. And while the mannfie- turers of the product claim that cellasene completely eliminates cellulite within a couple af months, medical experts are skeptical. Women, however, are believers. In Australia they literally stampeded stores to buy the product. And despite the fact that the cel- fasene capsules are very expensive ($270 for the required amount of capsules to complete a full wo- month treatment) Canadian drugstores are being swamped with orders. Is it any wonder why? In today’s society where body fat is considered repul- sive, people will do almost anything to get rid of it, including risk their health. Radical dieting, exhaus- tive exercise, cosmetic surgery, these are common weapons in the war against far. Barbecue or Your Old One Repaired?” Come te Jjonnstone’s be Super 8 burner heats entire cocking surtace quickly & evenly Breil EK brag. 100’s cf Barbe Flavorizer System Anti-flare Ceramic Sriquets © Excellent 10 Years Limited Warranty Shelving System of cooking space © 635 sq. inches © Stainless Steel © Weatherproof is 9.200 Se, R weber cues in stock at our location A pill, even one that costs $270, scems like a gift in comparison with all the stress and strain other options entail. Besides, cellasene has been used in Haly for the past six vears with no known side effects, so many wonien teel that they have a lot to gain, and not much to lose, (other than $270 naturally). As for me, F don’t like cellulite either. But Mn hardly going to rush out like those other patictic women and waste my hard-sarned dough on a product that hasn’t been tested by the North American scientitic community. I'm net that desperate. By the way, the American ¢ ‘ bean on March 8, which myans that it should be completed by May 3. Beanie rush That should give me just enough time to sell one of the kids’ bikes, return the Butt Buster Jo bought last month (the thing doesn: work amwavt and cash in a Canada Savings Bond so I'll have the $270 TM need to vee omy cellasene. [moa oman. Its my prerogative to be pathetic. - humpersBbe.syuipaticoca SANDI and Diane Thomas (left to right) moved out many Beanie Babies on March 719 at Gifts to Di For in West Vancouver. A new shipment came in and coilectors turned out to spend some money. To keep your Honda performing at its best, don't open your hood to strangers. Bring it home to Honda for our Comprehensive Spring Check-up. i's a complete multi-point inspection plus oil and filter change for only $58.88 performed by our expert technicians using genuine Honda parts. That's a small price to pay for a lot of assurance. 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