42 ~- Sunday, November 6, 1988 - North Shore News LIFESTYLES security guard is not a butler CLEAR MISS MANNERS — Our community of town houses has a security guard at the gate. Is it correct to wait until our guest is at the gate for the guard to call us to let them in, or must we call in advance to tell the guard we are expecting this person? Most of the time the guard checks anyway. GENTLE READER — A security guard is not a _ butler, who presumes that your guests are wel- come, and that his or her function is to announce them respectfully. His job is to keep out the in- truders. No matter how polite he may be, the tone of his inquiries to unexpected visitors is bound to reflect that. Miss Manners doesn’t know if you have ever showed up in a mood for fun, only to be ask- ed what your business was, but it has a dampening effect. Forewarned with your list of guests, the guard may still feel obliged to check with you, but at least he will be acting with the presumption that your friends have teen authorized, and that the only question for him to ascertain is whether they are who they say they are. DEAR MISS MANNERS — i was pleased to be invited to the wed- ding of the son of friends I hadn’t seen for quite a while. I arrived at the church at the proper time and esked to be seated on the groom’s side. There were very few guesis there, 25 or so, but everything seemed in order and ready to begin. I began to get a very uneasy feel- ing when I reazized I did not know one person in the church. After I got over the shock of my awful mistake (I Jater checked and found I had the right church, right time, but wrong day), I began to plan my escape. I sat there for a few minutes, waiting for the pastor to say, ‘‘Let us pray,’’ but he said and did everything but. Finally he began a sort of recitation with the guesis joining in, and it seemed many beads were down, so I tried to slip out the back. Unfortunately the video camera was in full swing at the back of the church, so most likely my escape manners Judith Martin was filmed. i don’t think I could have gore through any kind of receiving tine at the eud of that wedding, but is there any way I could have done things differently? GENTLE READER — The com- pensation life offers for situations so bad there is no way out that doesn’t haunt one later is that they make funny stories. Surely you will be dining out for years on this. Making a break for it during prayer is not a terrific solution, but Miss Manners’ ideas — getting up with hand to chest as if you were FOR SENIORS ON TUESDAY" FURNITURE Sofas, Sofa Beds, Loveseats, Chairs of all kinds, Ottomans, Recliners, Chaise Lounges, Dining and Bedroom and Occasional Tables, Walt Units, Curio and Entertainment Cabinets, Mattress and Box Springs — All sizes, Lamps, Pictures, Table Covers, Plant Stands, Mirrors, Crystal Chandeliers, and all other Accessories, Drapes and area Carpets. SERVICES Recovering: All upholstered furniture, materials and tabor. Repair any broken furniture. Refinishing: All hardwood furniture. French polishing ail tops of furniture. Interior Design: 2 hours. No Charge. DRAPES Alterations, Repairing and Hanging present Drapes, New Drapes - including all labor. Reframe or frame any pictures to suit decor. “Dous not apply to previous purchases of tems presently sale priced HOMASVILLE GALLERY Ae 435-5566 4240 Manor Street Burnaby ('2 block west of Villa Sheraton Hotel HOURS Monday to Saturday - 9 to Spm. Sunday - Noon to 5 pm. leaving briefly to cough, or staying through the ceremony but exiting quickly when the receiving line is crowded, as if you were stepping aside to return later — are not much better. DEAR MISS MANNERS — My wife and I (students in the field of communication) were present at 2 large meeting in which a well-loved leader was accepting responsibility for a problem, one for which the majority of those present would not have blamed him. What is the appropriate way for 100 peopie to express to a public speaker: ‘‘We support you, and we do not accept your unfounded self-criticism’’? Two standard options, the boo-hiss and the hurrah-clap, would convey the wrong message. The audience intuitively recognized that no pathway open to them would make the uecessary distinc- tion, and kept silent, GENTLE READER — As you aptly point out, the vocabulary of audience reaction during a speech is limited to approval and disap- proval. The extremes of this are standing up to clap, to show respect as well as appreciation; or walking out, to shos disrespect. Depending on the nature of the gathering, an occasional phrase or word may be shouted — for ex- ample, ‘‘No!’’? when this speaker announced ‘‘It was my fault.” Generally, though, one saves the audience verdict for the end of the speech. At that point, applause and hurrahs would have signified unqualified support. WANTED TO PURCHASE 2 Bedroom condominium Needing complete renovation. 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