22 -— Friday, November 29, 1991 - North Shore News

AS WE approach the
Christmas season, are my
family and friends filled
with the warmth of the
festive holidays? No.

Peggy
Trendel- Whittaker

ECOINFO

Instead, stealing upon them are
feelings of dread, accompanied by
the inevitable, annual question:

* “Oh no,’ what’s Peggy going to
give us this year?”

Long before I started writing
this column, I was albeit
unknowingly — practising non-
consumptive environmentalism by
making non-wasteful, homey-type
gifts of the sort that are heart-
warming in theory but, under my

* skilled and caring hand, complete-
ly disintegrate in practice.

This is due largely to two fac-
tors — Incompetence and Pro-
crastination — which I will discuss
in turh as a caution to those of

- you who may be embarking on
“similar strategies for a green
Christmas.

Incompetence has been respon-
sible for a number of disasters.
Two I can recall from last
Christmas, when my goals includ-
ed making homemade herbal hand
lotion and Christmas tree decora-
tions that could be put outside
after the holiday to feed the birds.

Never will I be able to ferget
the wafting aroma of burnt
Vaseline and camounile thet nearly
brought Hazardous Materials
emergency response teams roaring
down my street.

I came very close to throwing
the entire pot into the closest in-
dustrial-strength dumpster.

Indeed, I was required to draw
upon my deepest environmental
willpower reserves to go through
the lengthy process of
rehabilitating the pot to the point
where it could, perhaps, one day,
resume functionality.

And while people of my ac-
quaintance used an identical recipe
to produce charming, bird-shaped
birdseed Christmas ornaments, my
dough remained persistently
unrollable.

Of course, instead of wisely
conceding defeat, 1 bundled the
dough up and drove it to a variety
of friends who I hoped could help
remedy its problem.

Being of sane mind, none of
them were even vaguely interested,
and in fact were all out doing
normal! Christmas-type things like
going to debauched office parties,

with the result that the dough, I .

believe, still languishes unclaimed
somewhere in my car’s trunk.

(That reminds me of the sand-
wich that I lost somewhere in my
house, and, wherever it is, is now
several months old ... but that’s
another story.)

Procrastination has been
responsible for the demise of sev-
eral stellar ideas, as witnessed by
the fact that I still have in my
possession a half-sewn shirt that
was meant for a boyfriend I had
in Grade 11, and who has since

trategies for a green Christmas |

been married at least once.

Also in my sewing box in
various states of incompletion are:

(a) pajamas for my Grade 12
boyfriend;

{b) a gift to mark my brother
and sister-in-law’s wedding, which
was !E years ago;

(c} a wedding gift for my dear
friend who is now three years into
married bliss;

(d) a welcome-to-the-world gift
for my seven-month-old nephew.

Needless to say, people have
long since ceased being delirious
with pleasurable anticipation when
they hear 1’m making them scme-
thing for Christmas.

However, there have been suc-
cess stories. I'm still rather proud
of the flashy knitted slippers |
made for some family members
last year — not that I’ve ever seen
them worn, but there’s no ac-

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counting lor taste (theirs, that is).

And currently under way is a
project that I am confident will
bring copious tears (of joy) to the
eyes of lucky gift recipients. Real-
ly.
Of course. now that of fatter
years I am consciously trying to
be environmentally aware, even
more holiday hazards have pres-
ented themselves.

My mom and I were lucky not
to spend last Christmas in traction
after hauling home our family’s
first-ever live {read: darn heavy)
Christmas tree from the nursery.

Gn the bright side, it’s still
flourishing in her garden; howev-
er, she has — with apologies to
the nestalgic traditions of
Christmases past — decided to
this year investigate the other en-
vironmental alternative: an ar-
tificial tree.

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44 ...the wafting aroma of burnt Vaseline
and camomile nearly brought Hazardous
Materiais emergency response teams roaring

down my street.99 —

And my women friends live in
terror that they too will suffer the
fate of some of my pals, namely,
ripping open their gifts in the
midst cf a well-attended family
gathering to find their very own
non-wasteful menstrual sponge,
with love from yours truly.

Now, some of you committed
environmentalist readers out there
are probably dashing off angry
letters to the editor demanding my
dismissal on the grounds that I’m
discouraging green Christmas

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practices.

That isn’t my intent. i love
Christmas and its attendant
challenges, and trying to be
“green” provides the opportunity
for some good fun, whether it be
making your own Christmas
wrapping or coming up with other
alternatives to holiday con-
sumerism.

i’m just warning you: stay on
my good side or I'll put you on
my Christmas list.

YONVd

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