Why do they dress so funny? QUESTION: Does the in- nocent, uninitiated public have any way of learning what all the strange outfits mean when a bunch of people from a_ fraternal order get together? Are they just going back to childhood for some goofy fun, or is there something significant in their weird get-ups? I get the feeling they are driving in the slow lane — but perhaps there's some good reason why they want to give that impression. Kids love “dress-up” parties. Is that what these grown up kids are doing? STEWART: You've got me. I've had, the same sort of curiosity about the phenomenon. Perhaps one of these dressers-up will give us some insight. Come on you King Neptunes and you Sultans — what's it all about? Or are we too young to know? (Of course we know about your good works and are grateful. Keep it up!) But tell us why you dress funny. ask hayden stewart Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242 forappointments for individual, family or group counselling, His new office in the International Plaza Hotel (Open Tuesdays only)is for the convenence of North Shore residents Everything goes wrong QUESTION: Almost everything in my family that could possibly go wrong has gone wrong in spades! Amongst my relatives and my in-laws there has been an unbelievable stretch of bad fortune. In matters of health, money, jobs and matters of the heart, we have had a bad eighteen months. For some reason, I seem to be in the middle. Everybody seems to want to load their crud on me! One after the other they come to me and describe their problems and ask for my help and I've got almost to the end of my endurance. At times | think, if one more thing goes wrong, I don't know what in the world rll do. To make it worse, I just know a lot of things are going to get worse before they get better. I would dearly love to get out from under it all. What in heaven’s name can | do? Have you ever been at your wits end? STEWART: No. not And neither are you! If at will be of any comfort to you, I have thought more than once that 1 was at my wits end. but it turned out yet. each time that I was under- selling myself. It turned out I had more on thé ball than I thought I had. So have you. Two things might be suggested. But there is no space to say as much.about them as I would like. You may be able to think your way into them and find something in them,” beyond what I say. Try it. First, give attention to developing the ability to be sensitive to the needs in your families, but don't take them on. Share your concern and interest, but don't let yourself get “stuck” in others’ dif- ficulties. Keep connected, but don't get “attached”. You help less when you get sucked into things that other people need to handle on their own. And second: You are extremely negative and pessimistic about what is upcoming. Make a switch, by deliberate choice. Choose to be more positive and optimistic. Tm not a “positive thinking nut”. but there is a vast amount of evidence to support the idea that although positive thinking will not guarantee a new set of circumstances, it certainly enhances the likelihood of things taking a Kids ‘don’t know nothin’ QUESTION: Why don't you tell the kids of our day that they are just kids and that's all. Why not tell them they do not know everything. They act and talk as if their parents are dumb-bells. The fact of the matter is, we know what's good for them, even if they won't admit it. They don't “kaow nothin” and they put on this act of being self-sufficient’ know- alls and carrying on as if we adults are stupid. Your own column is a case in point. The kids like it, but do you know why? One of my own kids says, “he’s one adult who doesn't act like he knows it all”. My question is, why do you let them get that idea? Why don’t you TELL them not to be so almighty and to see that everything they've got was given to them by us adults? We are the people who know about life — not them. Tell them! STEWART: | think you worked pretty hard on that letter. It may contain a germ of an idea that is) worth sharing, but in going to such excesses, you blew ut If the kind of world we have “piven” them is meant to reflect our great) wisdom, they have a point in questioning our bnmghtness. You, (raised igh on a pedestal of yuur own making) and the kids (unhappily grovelling in the stupidity you claim for them) would do well to give thoughtful study to Groya’s Law, which reads: “What we learn after we know 11 all. 1s what counts”. If you ever decide to pay attention to that “Law”, I'll bet you'll find some of your “stupid kids” studying its meaning (oo! You are not nearly as stupid as your letter sounds — but neither are the kids It’s all inside the skin QUESTION: Are you con- vinced that counselling and psychiatry are the answer? STEWART: They may be a part of the answer for some people some of the time but they are certainly not THbo answer evser |] also de not think that religion or education orf alfalfa sprouts or anything else Eve heard of is THE ansucr LT suppose it would be best for me to stop with that. but [ want to add that even though there ts no one name tag for THE answer | koow where you'll find at Youll find wo inside REWARD GOLDEN RETRIEVER Male - Two Years Old Missing since April goth in Park Royal area Has West Van Dug Tag licence 797 and choke collar Any information re sightings of whereabouts please contact Patti Bomcroft res 9276 B920 bus 682 4696 . hy your own skin planted there the question Te Its healthily neht beside Pick Up And Pitch-in’80 Farge 4 4 Ps recta fi Re turn for the better. so, I'm saying two things: Don’t get “‘owned’’ by others’ dilemmas and start being more positive and hopeful. 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