42 - Sunday, May 19, 1985 - North Shore News Mixing business and marriage DEAR MISS MANNERS — On one issue at least, I am eltler gn old-fashioned prude, or sensible. My wife thinks the former. The issue is the dinner ar- rangements of a married person travelling alone and staying at a hotel for a con- ference or trade show. My wife and I each do this as business demands. 1 think it is improper, ex- cept when schedules prevent important business from be- ing dealt with during the day, for one married person © to have dinner solely with another conference attendce of the opposite sex. My wife thinks Iam overly concern- ed with appearances, as well as unmodern. We don't fight about this, and she doesn’t ‘sneak’? dates. However, we would appreciate your cpi- nion. I contend that a hotel where both are staying is not a proper setting for such a twosome to have their even- ing meal and drinks. I say there is a full day to arrange group dinners and conduct the same casual business contacts. Finally, I never have dinner with one woman in such situations, though } have been asked. When pressed, I say why I feel I cannot. My wife says most of her business at such meetings is with men. If asked, she will nelther turn down such an invitation nor insist on addi- tional companions. She sees nothing wrong with such dinners, since they do not lead to Jess-public contact. My wife seems to be of the “1 am in charge of this situ- ation and so what’’ school, and I of the “‘it is best to avoid potentially awkward situations’? one. Our ques- tion is whether Miss Man- ners thinks J am too rigid and old-fashioned — a 36- year-old fogy- GENTLE READER — Miss Manners is having great trouble with your charac- terizations of the two sides. Given the choice, she would prefer to think of herself as old-fashioned, rigid, prudish and concerned with ap- pearances, rather than mod- ern and sensible. But the fact is that she sides with your wife. by Judith Martin P| Conventions such as you describe are really full-time working situations, We are not, Miss Manners trusts, talking about the kind of recreational convention that serves aS an excuse to go looking for out-of-town sin. It is perfectly respectable for working people to continue having discussions or cemen- ting professional contacts over dinner, in the conven- tion hotel or local restau- rants. Pairings or larger subgroups for this purpose are formed by interests, rather than by gender. It is not as though one can Bo home to one’s family i in the evening. Your system would merely deprive you and your wife of using all the business hours that others will be taking advan- tgage of, and may confine you to dreary hotel room isolation. DEAR MISS MANNERS — IT recently acquired the address if my biological fa- ther, with whom I have not had previous contact. What would be the proper saluta- tion for a letter to him? Also, would it be rude for me to include in such a letter the fact that [ grew up witha large, happy family, and in- form him that my stepfather is putting me through col- lege, and probably law school? Is this a question of etiquette, or simply personal judgement? Please don’t suggest that IF ask my mother. GENTLE READER — It is a question of etiquette that you approach your father respectfully, or not at all. What you think of your fa- ther’s conduct toward yourself is a matter of judgement, but to look him up for the purpose of poin- ting out how much better your stepfather has treated you, would be rude. Now we come to the mat- ter of exercising judgement in etiquette, at which, fortu- nately, Miss Manners excels. She suggests you address him as ‘‘My dear father,’’ to avoid the stiffness of using his name, as well as: the * perhaps startling effect of an uaexpected fetter beginning “Dear Daddykins.’’ Certain- ly you should: tell him that you are leading a happy fami- ly life, not only as a point of information, but to relieve him of any worry about the consequences of his action. But it is not necessary to single out your stepfather’s contribution. ‘The difference between ... ordinary & extraordinary is The Hair Company Change a Little or Change a Lot The choice is yours. Come in for your complimentary consultation The Hair Company | 1981 Lonsdale, N. Van. DORIE’S HAVING A GREAT PRE-SUMMER STORE-WIDE SALE Come in early while there is still lots to choase from. No Holds of Layaways plezse! 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