*: - Nore Shore News - Wednesday, September 20. 2000 avin. Sees Parental Guidance IT’S a well known _ story, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. A mild- mannered doctor experiments with a _potion that inadver- tently turns him into a very nasty character. *Mild-mannered one minute and a maniac the next. My children have PALE AR ES Re ee tound that potion, and Mi bet if you have children, they have as well. It has always been a mys- tery to me how [ can talk about my children one way, and someone who knows them very well, say a teacher ora coach, can talk about them in a manner thar is the polar opposite. As a teacher, having heard parents admit surprise at how I viewed their children, 1 recognize this as a common problem. Let's face it, our children have two personalities: a public one and a private one. In most cases, although not all, the public persona is Dr. Jekvil. In other people’s homes, or at school, most children behave pretty well. All the seemingly fruitless work we do on manners and consideration for others sud- denly blossoms in the pres- ence of strangers. While we sit up at night, anxiously waiting for an overnight stay to blow up with the hysteria of someone unable to cope with our children’s unique behaviours, the kids say please and thank yeu, eat everything on their plate, and ask if they can help clean up. The next day, with an aside, their hosts ask for some parenting lessons and our jaws drop as they relate what incredible manners our children have. The return trip in the car is quiet, but the minute we hit our own floor, Mr. Hyde comes to the surface. In ST. GEORGES MEDICAL CLINIC | Family Practice with Obstetrics is pleased to announce Aileen Moric 984- 9213 the addition of ... Dr. Lisa Gaede ~ Special interest in — Pediatrics & Obstetrics -. 984-7941 « "Dr. Khim Tung 984-7941 135 St. Georges Avenue, North Vancouver ’s potion familiar territory, the spring comes unwound and all that pent-up mischicvousness rat- des off ina litany of com- plaints or negativity, dou- bled in intensity if any sib- lings should happen to cross their path. We ban then: to their room (laboratory) and wait for the latest dose of “Destructo-Potion” to wear off. The good news is that this is the correct order of doing things. Much better they behave in others’ homes and unwind in our homes than the other way around. The bad news is we get frustrated and confused with this dramatic difference in home-and-away behaviour and wonder if this anger is being brought directly against us for some former sins we committed. What did we do to deserve Mr. - Hyde? , Although every child is a little different, I think it's fair to say that most of them « learn to control their emo- tions in the company of oth- ers at a fairly early age. Whether it is their own embarrassment, or the guilt we lay on them about our embarrassment, we socialize our children at a pretty early age to put on a good face in public, except, of course, at the candy bar stand near the grocery store checkout. Yet, despite our best efforts to curb our chil- dren’s public emotional dis- ‘ plays, they have difficult times, and if they cannot express that frustration or anger in public, then they will do so at home, a place where no seerets are kept and no emotional bound- aries exist. As annoving as this might be to parents at times, it is better than the alternative of stifling the emotional outler at home, and simply watching vour child withdraw into a world of private pain. Look over the profiles of children wha have lost control and you will often find that some- where along the line, they jost their emotional outlec and simply built up theic frustration until they exploded. Mr. Hyde is no fun, but if his visit hastens the return of Dr. Jekyll, then pad the science lab and invite him in every now and then. The safe haven of our homes is the one place our children may have to release the ten- sions that build, and we should be willing, within limits, to give them that. However, if Mr. Hyde begins to take over and Dr. Jekyll becomes a fond mem- ory, it may be time to bring in some professional coun- selling to resolve the inner conflicts from which serious anger is arising. An emo- tional outlet is one thing; a persistently-abusive child quite another. Graham Hookev is. the. author of Parenting Is.A Team = Sport ~ . 7 Lasertag Game Ticket! 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