“4,

46 ~ Sunday, June 16, 1991 — North Shore News

BEAR MISS MANNERS — { am an attorney and would
like to know the polite way to deal with people who take it
upon themselves to tell me ‘‘jokes’’ that ridicule and
otherwise disparage my profession.

i am very proud of my profes-
sion, and of the work | and others
perform for our clients and socie-
ty. My late father was an at-
torney, and so is my brother.
Often it is people who know these
things who insist on telling me the
‘*jokes," either in private or in
public conversation.

I kuow these people are insen-
sitive, impolite and insecure. What
is the proper way to respond?

GENTLE READER -— Sue
them.

No, please don’t. Miss Manners
was only joking.

The fact is that there is no pro-
fession on earth — even Miss
Manners’ own sacred calling —
that does not boring on some
tiresome joke (including Miss
Manners’ own tasteless pleasantry,
which she offers in the spirit of an
example).

Controlling the urge to utter the
first smartsy remark that comes to
mind upon hearing someone’s oc-
cupation is an excellent rule of
conversation. Miss Manners
promises the would-be wits that
there is no such thing as a job
joke that the jobholder hasn't
heard before — or finds funny.

As for how to react, Miss

duchitin
Martin

MISS MANNERS

Manners recommends the weak
smile (mouth closed, lip corners
turned stiffly upward, total
absence of mirth in the eyes). Oc-
cupation jokes are not as serious
transgressions as race-religion-
gender-nationality jokes, so they
do not require the full-fledged
treatment of indignation.

On the other hand, they need
not be encouraged by the sort of
faked merriment considered the

VanDusen hosts event

FOR SOMETHING right out of
the movies, fighters in heavy ar-
mor and fencers will be *‘locked
in combat’’ during the Midsum-
mers Eve Celebration at Van-
Dusen Gardens on Friday, June
21, from 7 to $ p.m.

The fighters are members of the
Society for Creative Anachronism
who recreate historic times. The
society’s Elizabethan musicians
and dancers will also be perform-
ing.

This event will mark the longest
day of the year and honor the
coming of the new season to the

ISCOVER THE
DIFFERENCE

garden. A map hunt will lead
children into VanDusen’s authen-
tic hedge maze planted with over
1,000 Pyramidal cedars.

VanDusen Gardens is 55 acres
with 6,500 species from five con-
tinents around the world. It is
designed in a woodland style with
rolling lawns, lakes and plantings
to approximate locations such as
the Mediterranean and Sino-
Himalayan regions.

Regular garden admission will
apply at this event, held at 37th
Avenue and Oak Street. For more
information call 266-7194.

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polite reaction to jokes that are
well-meant.

DEAR MISS MANNERS —
When a very dear friend of mine
died recently after a Jong and
painful iliness, I became the exec-
utor of his estate, as well as the
chief beneficiary. Although he ce-
casionally saw his family, he was
not close te them.

Two of my friend's nieces and a
nephew arrived by car from
another province for the funeral.
Fhey asked to stay in his large,
empty house, suggesting that
Sleepi::g in their cars in the drive-
way wns ibe only viable alter-
native. Naturally I gave them a
key.

As we sat in the house talking
after the funeral, one of the nieces
requested a few of my friend’s
cookbooks. Pretty soon they were
asking for everything they laid
eyes on that might fit into their
vehicle. They even planned a se-
cond trip to ect whatever wouldn't
fit.

It turned out that they had gone
through everythieg in the house,

LIFESTYLES
wwyer not humored by iawyer jokes

even the attic. Overwhelmed by
the entire experience, I gave them
almost alli that they asked for.

Immediately after they had left,
[ noticed thal several things I had
not given them were missing from
the house. Although not terribly
valuable, they were things I had
planned to keep for myself.

Since then, I have found a box
of chica that is part of the set f
gave one of the nieces. Several
alternative courses of action occur
to me. One is to request the return
of the items ‘‘borrowed,’’ and
then casually mention that I found
the chins. Another is simply to
smash the china and send her ihe
pieces. (It doesn’t seem quite fair
to the lovely china when I'd really
prefer to smash the niece.)

Or I couid simply send her the
china (whole, with a note saying !
hope she is enjoying her uncle’s
things). But I think the irony
would be wasted, and I doubt that
she would return what she took.

— want to do the impeccably
correct thing, but I don’t know
what it is. I don’t find ‘‘theft’’

listed in etiquette books.
GENTLE READER — That is

because etiquette — recognizing
that, alas, there is no shaming the
shameless -— yields to the law in

punishing crime.

But Miss Manners has special
sympathy for you, because it was
a mannerly impulse that got you
into this situation. Hospitality and
consideration for the relatives of
your late friend prompted you to
put yourself in a position in which
unscrupulous people took advan-
tage of you. Unfortunate as that
is, it demonstrates your virtue.

She will offer you one last rule
of etiquette to try before you ei-
ther call in the lawyers or decide
to let it go.

Write the niece saying that there
must have been some misunder-
standing about which things you
gave her, and that you would very
much appreciate it if she would
return certain items which you in-
tended to keep for youself. It is
not necessary to mention the china
as an inducement.

to provide milk, bread, fruits
and vegetables, atc.
-. FEED THE RUNGRY IN OUR COMMUNITY

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* $60 helps sustain a family for one month
© $720 assists that same family for a year

Please help those in need. All donations are tax deductible.

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oo = 98

YES! | want to provide food tor ine hungry. & :
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vancouver. BC. VEA 3L6

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