3 te { Stand up for Canada DEAR MISS MANNERS: An uncertainty about how to respond when our national anthem is played, other than to stand with respect, has plagued me. What is the proper pro- cedure when two songs are sung? I say that the aational anthem is always sung first, but some of the people in my organization say it is correct to sing first the song that pertains to your religious belief. When 2 meeting is opened with two national anthems, that of our country and a foreign country, when, accor- ding to protocol, is our an- them sung? First or last? GENTLE READER: The custom is that foreign anthems are sung before our own asa courtesy, but religious songs are not. This is not a question of priorities; it is just that God does not have any one theme song. One stands at attention for a public rendition of ‘‘O Canada.”’ In other words, you don’t have to jump up at home before the television bail game, knocking your beer from the arm of the chair. People in uniform salute. Civilian gentlemen remove their hats and civilian ladies, with or without hats, keep their hands at their sides. DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few months ago, an elder- ly friend of my husband ask- ed to stay at our house while he recuperated from the loss of his dear wife. Of course we . said yes. This gentleman and his wife were like a second set of parents to my husband, never having had children of their own. Yesterday we received a fovely note thanking us for our hospitality. We also received a cheque for a very . large amount of money. Miss Manners, we don't kaow what to do. We did not ask him to stay to derive any financial benefit from the situation. And we don’t want him to think that the reason we asked him to return is to receive similar reimbursensent. My husband and I want nothing to do with that che- que; yet we fear insulting the gentleman by returning it. GENTLE READER — This is what comes of the in- creasingly common practice of giving money instead of presents, a custom that Miss Manners has always con- sidered unfortunate, although 32 - Wednesday, July 3, 1985 - North Shore News miss Manners tate by Judith Martin she has heard a thousand times the arguments in its favor (too hard to shop, can’t think of the right thing to buy, etc.) Had the friend sent you a present, any present, you would have understood the gesture. But even presuming that that was what was intend- ed, Miss Manners agrees that you cannot allow your sym- pathetic hospitality to be recompensed as if you were running nothing more per- sonal than a hotel. One solution would be to donate the money to charity and so inform your friend. But you may also return the cheque with a letter saying that you appreciate the gesture, but cannot possibly accept reim- bursement for the privilege of being such intimate friends; that you were honored by his visit at such a difficult time in his life, and consider that it is you who are indebted to him for a lifetime of kindness. Yes, this will probably em- barrass him into going out and spending the money to buy you something. This does not worry Miss Manners, as it was something he ought to have Sony no fayoways Bm 900 West Georgia, Van. ONESUC, COMMENCING THURSDAY JULY 4TH, 1985... SPRING SUMMER CLEARANCE % 10 50 OFF THROUGHOUT THE STORE Nonesuch td, Lobby Voncouver Hotel, done in the first place. Besides, it will do him good to get out of the house and to be forced to leave off dwelling on his sorrow by having to think of what might please you. DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work at a focal television station as an office temporary for a vacationing secretary. I obtained the position through my father, as he is the business manager. . lenjoy the work, but when I took my breaks in the employee cafeteria, as is the custom, things got uncomfor- table. Typical break-tie con- versation centres around dissatisfaction with the workplace or home life, and my very presence restricted the conversation with the implied presence of my father. Also, most of these ladies are 20 years older than I, so I can't talk much about their kind of home life. I began to take breaks in a smaller lounge near the ladies’ room, or go out for lunch by myself, but other workers noticed my absence and have said as much. Although I try to be as congenial as possible in the hallways or their offices, SUMMER HOURS 8:30-6 Mon. Tues. Wed. 8:30-8 Thurs. & Fri. 9:00-5:30 Sat. 12;00-4 Sundays 688-9 a, 454) Don’t Forget... PARK ROYAL Located this Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday in North Mall/East & West they seem to think I'm snub- bing them. GENTLE READER: You have discovered both the ad- vantage and the disadvantage of being related to a boss in your office. Miss Manners hopes you accept the fact that co-workers will never overlook your connection to manage- ment; she gathers you wouldn’t be there if you didn’t have it. Nevertheless, she is sym- pathetically appreciative of your desire to keep yourself from being an annoyance, either by inhibiting conversa- tion or by seeming aloof. The best way is to initiate conver- sations about the work itself, making it clear that you are uncritically admiring of their skills, and eager to learn some yourself. Some idiot will think you are after her job, but in business, as-your father will tell you, you can’t make everyone love you. Exercise regularly. Er"s i .c. Heart GP peundation ~ SUMMER CLEARANCE SALE | UP TO 50% OFF ON WORLD FAMOUS MOKIS. Shoes The Centre of Attention for 35 Years. ‘STOCK DRAPERY— FABRICS off hoe ie ee 20-50% jee Save... 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