|

QUESTION: I have a well-
meaning friend: who fs fast
earning my resentment, ‘He

_fs. very religious and ts

siways squirting his pet

phrases at me.:Right now he
has been saying to’ me, “If.
you insist on living the way

$,

you do, you -cam't: expect

God's blessings.” With slight.

variations he says this to me
about four or five times a
week. I don’t think he has

any right to talk that way.

.

QUESTION: I have a dear,
dear friend who is hurting
herself terribly on dope. I
want so much to help her
and I don't know what to do.
I-know about the several
agencies that are available,
but so does she and she is not
the least bit interested in

After all, it -is my life. What
can I say to him?

STEWART: Keep in mind
that you feel he is a “well-
meaning friend.” That will
help you. What you can say
to him is not nearly as im-

‘portant as what you can say |

to yourself. Whether he has

. “any right to talk that way” is

going to any of them: She is _

a successful business
woman, has a delightful
personality, has a family, has
never been pinched for
money until just recently.
Now she fs skimping over the
silliest things (for -her)
because she says, “That stuff
is unbelievably expensive.”
She is really hurting herself
and her future. As a con-
cerned friend, what can I
do? :

STEWART: Not very much,
I'm afraid. At least, what
you can do doesn’t SEEM
very much. Tell her, just
once, that you want to let
her know, how terribly YOU
are hurting over what she is
choosing to do to herself.
Tell her, you know that she
will have to make her
choices and that you will
-stand by her’ without
judgement.

Offer her your permission
for her to do as she pleases.
Let her know that you love
her now and will continue to
love her no matter what.
Offer her your unconditional
love, but let her know that

~ you will be unable to offer
her any help, financially, or
otherwise. in keeping alive
her habit, even when her

The Canacian Rea Cross Soc-er, |
A

also not important. That is
the way he is talking! How
are you talking to yourself?

need becomes excruciatingly
demanding. Let her . know
that you will not try in any
way to change her choices or
to change her, but that you

Are you saying, “He's right
you know.” Do you agree’
with him even while you
resent what he is saying?
This well-meanjng friend
is making an assumption he
is not qualified to make, in
that h- is deciding how God
will . ‘ate to you, and
Passing that on to you as his
pronouncement. My feeling
is that God “blesses” all of
us. in one way or ancther,
regardless of our earning, or

a a.

j to help an
icted friend

will be overjoyed when she
decides to make the choices
that will give her freedom
and joy. That's really a lot to
give. Can you do it?

<>

n
‘
'

ONE OF 700
RALEIGH 1O-SPEED

‘DLO FREAT MACHINES’

not earning, his love and
support. It is difficult for me
to see God as running a sort
of celestial gong-show. Even
if your act deserves a gong
being rung on you, it is not
rung by God, but only by

C7 - Wednesday, August 5, 1981'- North Shore News

some judgmental and of-
ficious human  being—
perhaps even by yourself!

If you feel your act needs
cleaning up—clean it up! If
you feel O.K. about your-
self, proceed with your life-

ask hayden stewart |

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242
for appointments for individual, family or group counselling. His
office in the International Plaza Hotel (Open Tuesdays only} ts for th

convenience of North Shore residents.

fulfillment in your own way.
Doing that will help you
know what to say to your
well-meaning friend. Who
knows? You may have
something to give him that
he is longing for.

Regarding this mail strike

NOTE FROM HAYDEN:
THE MAIL STRIKE HAS
PUT AN AWFUL CRIMP
IN THE NUMBER OF
QUESTIONS FROM OUR

READERS. PLEASE
WRITE YOURS NOW AND

‘MAIL THEM AS SOON AS

THE STRIKE ENDS, OR,
PERHAPS YOU WOULD

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