Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242
for appointments for individual, family or group counselling.

In love with teacher

QUESTION: I am a 17-year
old female. My father died
when I was a baby and since
my mother did not remarry,
I have grown up without a
man around. My problem is
that I am attracted to older
men. I suspect I am sub-
consciously looking for
someone to fill the vacancy
left by my father.

I have been infatuated
with one of my teachers for
about a year. I do not feel
that this ‘‘crush’’§ is
benefitting me in any way. |

myself initiating any sort of
relationship. He _ certainly
would not; to him, I am only
one of hi many students.
Even ff he did feel any at-
traction for me, he wouldn't
let anything come of it. That
sort of behavior is not
socially acceptable: a dirty
old man tmking advantage of
a young innocent school-
girl

This seems like an

unhealthy situation to be In
and I would welcome any
advice which might help me
to get out.
STEWART: Your letter,
written in early December,
was held up and came to me
only recently.

Some situations are better
dealt with when one ur
derstands ali the ‘whys’ and
beginnings related to them.
But I feel strongly, in your

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case, that nothing important
will be accomplished by your
speculating about the effect
on you of your father’s early
death, nor in your
speculating as to what is
going on in your sub
conscious as a result.

Let’s start where you are
now. Like many many young
women, you are in the throes
of an overwhelmingly ex-
citing and scary develop-
ment that you enjoy and
dislike, simultaneously.
Fortunately, you are one
who seems to be able to use
her head. You cooly look at
your deliciously romantic
fantasy and say, “I do not
feel that this ‘crush’ is
benefitting me in any way. I
realize’ the futility of the
situation... this seems like an
unhealthy situation to be
in...”

Those words are YOURS!
You are thinking clearly.
And a person who thinks as
clearly as you do is usually
pretty good at making wise
(even though seemingly
costly) choices. All of us
need friends and_ special
friends, and groups of
friends. Perhaps it is a good
time to choose to examine
your social life, learning
whether you are neglecting it
or doing well in it. Perhaps
you may have let it slide toa
degree, finding it less
demanding to give your
attention to what you call

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your ‘crush’ or ‘infatuation’,
even while you ‘realize the
futility of the situation’. You
are probably ready for some
REAL friendships and love.

Perhaps you would like to
Move in that direction. If
you do, I have a feeling you
will not need to make a
choice at all about your
‘crush’. I think it will
naturally move off into
oblivion, leaving you with a
nice memory, which will
occasionally present itself
when you are not too busy
with the real thing. Be
grateful for it though. It
made a nice gift to you.
Right?

Nit

reer

C7- Wednesday, February 3, 1982 - North Shore News

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