4 ~ Wednesday, December 18, 1991 —- North Shore News Sex and the long-suffering co 1 WAS delighted when my colleague, famed raconteur and bon vivant Trevor Lautens broke the ancient taboo of writing about your own sex life in a family newspaper. I’ve never written that sort of stuff in a paper. I wrote a novel once with so many spicy sex scenes that censors came close to banning it. Alas, the censorship laws were revised at the last minute and my book fell through the cracks to legitimacy. So it’s not that Lam unfamiliar __ with the dark art of writing scummy, disgusting, lurid materi- al. It’s just ... well, in a communi- “ty newspaper? The only thing I can think is that if Trevor has pushed back this frontier of prurience, there ‘must be a reason. As a long-time Lautens-watcher (indeed, I must say, a fan), I have noticed that the wily and urbane - North Shore gentleman-journalist makes his forays beyond the bounds of good taste with a knowing glint. As the gigantic canoe of the _ mass media glides silently and swiftly along, its crew stroking in unison, the one paddle splashing totally out of sync is often Trevor's. it's a kind of genius, you un- derstand. _ Ata single stroke, by writing about sex with his wife, Trevor has given columnists throughout the world an entire new subject area, a vast entertainment-rich terrain of anecdote and musings. Let’s face it There are only so many things going on in the world. There may be more going on simultaneously than ever, mak- Bob Hunter STRICTLY PERSONAL ing this from the point of view of sheer volume of material the easi- est century in history to cover. But when those moments come when you don’t want to write about the ozone layer any more than anybody wants to read about it, the immorality and vanity of politicians has become too obvious a subject to tempt your intellect, and the unapprehended insurrec- tion in Quebec seems too deja vu for words, a new subject area is a blessing indeed. Especially one so bottomlessly amusing as sex and one’s wife. I mean, who has ever dreamed about talking about — let alone writing about — sex and one’s wife? Sex and one’s girlfriend, indeed. oust quitar PACKAGE #1 Samick SW115 Steel string or Sigma CS Classical includes: chipboard case, polishing cloth, strings and tuning fork. $1 99 electric quérs PACKAGE #1 Samick 160 Guitar with 10 watt amp include: strap, cord, picks, woe Be itar gig bag & GHS ios.) * flu S@tS” spi TAMA RK522X retail $1545 VECTOR ASO10D retail $995 PACKAGE #2 Sex and one’s mistress or anybody else one is having an affair with, of course. Sex and a secretary, classic. Better yet, sex and a perfect stranger. But sex and one’s wife? For one thing, the dialogue isn’t there. OK, I'll rephrase that. For me, the dialogue isn’t there. [t sort of goes like: ‘‘Yo!’’ And then the sound of us landing in the waterbed, Maybe it gets a bit more romantic than that. One of us might say something like: ‘‘The kids are watching TV.’* And then the sound of us landing i in the waterbed. The truth is, words are often not needed at all. There’s a cer- tain intimate body language that develops over the years. Like, when my wife yawns, I know it really means she’s horny. She's practical too. She’s a great believer in peanut butter as a source of protein for those prob- lematic early-morning encounters when the old man is still half- asleep. The signal to me that something erotic is about to happen is the stealthy patter of two feet up to my side of the bed and the sound of a peanut butier sandwich and a glass of milk being put down beside the lamp. Ah, peanut butter. Just writing about it now, my hand begins to tremble with lust. From time to time ?’ll ask my wife what it is about me she likes the very best. What is the one thing that absolutely drives her wild? This is always asked with a leer and a wink, just in case she Samick SW115E Steel String (w/pickup) _ or Yamaha CG1 10 Classical includes: hard case, polishing cloth, strings and wuning fork. YAMAHA Power "V" retail $2146 SALE $499 SALE $999 SALE $1 499 * includes cymbals $299 PACKAGE #2 Yamaha RGX 112 Guitar with Peavey Rage 108 amp includes: strap, cord, hard case & GHS accessory pack. $499 missed the point. **Your sense of humor!"’ ““Wrong.”’ “Your grasp of literature?’’ *“Wrong.”’ ‘*Your taste in ties? Love of music? Generosity? Sweet- temperedness? Am I getting close?’" She figured out a long time ago that a male is sort of like a beaver, in the sense that a beaver has teeth that keep on growing through life, and if he doesn't keep chewing down trees, he’ll die. With a human male, it’s not teeth that are the problem. It’s something else (« ink, nudge). But the principle is the same, the drive every bit as basic. Every once in a while, mindful of my condition, she'll get swept away in a burst of romanticism and say something like: ‘‘Need servicing, hunk?’’ To which I, ever-mindful of the need to be romantic too, will rep- ly: ““Yo."" I dunno, Trevor. Are you sure we should be writing about this stuff? BC. Transit studies NV streetcar service B.C. TRANSIT may have an interest in operating a streetcar in North Vancouver, according to an in-camera motion ratified during North Van- couver City Council's Monday meeting. Council will hear an in- camera presentation from B.C. Transit representative Denis Cooney; it will then ‘task B.C. Transit to confirm their interest in a streetcar system for North EE eS NORTH VANCOUVER CITY COUNCIL - Vancouver and in streetcar No. 153,** the motion states. © Streetcar No. 153 is a ciiy- owned restored streetcar, and ~ its future has been the source of numerous council debates. Some councillors would like to see it operational while others see it as a museum piece. A timeless tradition that confirms your love. Diamond solitaires and matching wedding bands trom our Birks Heirloom Collection. Rediscovered in our Jewellery Factory archives from the 1920's. Recreated today. 14kt gold filigree. From $2000. Great moments come out of the blue.