Poor plays and players make much funnier stories A man and his friend meet at the club house and decide to play a round of golf togeth- er. The man has a litle dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes our a 20- foot purt, the litde dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. The friend is quite amazed at this clever trick and says, “That dog is really talented! What does he do if you miss a purr” “Somersaults,” says the man. “Somersaults?” says the friend. “That’s incredible. How many does he do?” Says the man: “That depends on how hard I kick him in the butt.” Qo00 A golfer tried three straight times to hit a golf ball over the inler of water between him and the green. But cach time the ball splashes into the drink. In utter frustration the golfer said, “Caddie, take my clubs on in, I’m going to jump into the water and drown myself.” The caddie replied, “I doubt that, sir. You couldn’t keep your head down long enough to drown!” coo And old golfer was recently playing a round of golf with a youngster. On the first hole, which was 2 long par four with e NORTH SH ‘2. water to the right and a deep ravine to the left, the young man took out a brand new sleeve of balls, teed one up and immediately hit it into the water on the right. Undaunted, he pulled another ball from the sleeve and hit that one into the ravine, as well. Then ke took the last ball from the sleeve and hit it, too, into the water. He then reached into his bag and pulled out another brand new slceve of balls. “Why don’t you hit an old ball?” the old man asked. The youngster responded, “T've never had an old ball.” 900 A golfer arrives home one day and collapses into an casy chair, dog-tired. His wife walks over and asks him what the problem is. “Oh, you wouldn't believe the day I had out there today,” he says. “I drove into the water on the third hole, shagged it into the woods on the Ath, went into two traps on the seventh, and then on the tenth hole my partner Larry drops dead of a heart attack.” The wife alarmed. “Larry died?” “Yeah,” responded the husband. “After that it was hit the ball, drag Larry. Hit the jumps up, Hit the A priest is playing a round of golf at the local public course when he arrives at the 15th tee. This hole is a 160- yard par three with a lake in the front of the green. It is also the padre’s nemesis, no matter how well or how poor- ly he is playing. Upon arriving at the ice, the priest tees up his ball, gets ready to hit and, at the last minute, looks toward the heavens and says, “God, | have been a good and decent man. Please, just this once, let me hit a shot which will carry the lake and get onto the green.” As he is about to swing, a loud, deep voice booms from the heavens and says “Use a new ball, they go farther.” The preacher steps back, thinks abour the heavenly advice and goes to his bag and gets a brand new ball. He takes his stance and once again the heavenly voice booms “Take a practice swing first.” The preacher is now awestruck by the heavenly advice, so he steps back from the ball, takes his stance and gets ready to hit. Suddenly the heavenly voice booms, “Use the old ball.” — mrgolf.com Friday, June 2, 2000 — North Shore News ~ 21 Where to drive for show There are three dri- ving ranges on the North Shore where beginners and pros alike can tee up and practise theic long drives and chip shots: @ Park Royal Golf Centre, 1200 Park Royal South, West Vancouver. 925-0102 $4.75 for 50 balls; lessons available $65 for 45 minutes or $200 for four 45-minute sessions. Seymour Creek Golf Centre, 315 Seymour Boulevard, North Vancouver. 987-7767 $4.50 for a bucket of 80 balls (until noon); $4.50 for a bucket of 60 balls = (after noon). Private lessons: three- lesson series for $105. @ Takaya Golf Centre: 700 Apex Ave., North Vancouver, 929-6672 $5 for 60 balls, $4 for seniors; lessons available at $42.80 for 30 min- utes (includes balls and video) or $192.80 for five half-hour sessions. — Jan-Christian Sorensen NEWS photo Cindy Goodman MATT Hilder, 6, tees up his bali at the Takaya Golf Centre in North Vancouver.