34 - Sunday, July 7, 1991 - North Shore News LIFESTYLES Who makes the first call after a trip? DEAR MISS MANNERS — Who makes the first tele- phone call after an extended trip, the traveler of the friends at home? Based on my own experience of travel, F have always felt that the first move should be left to the returning traveler. People coming back from overseas are often tired and jet-lagged. Calling them at even decent hours for the first few days may disturb their rest. Also there is a certain amount of disorientation, 2 need to sort through the mail, unpack and get adjusted to being home again. Besides, [ have changed my own travel plans often enough to know that my scheduled return and my actual return are not always the same, I have a friend who says that it is the responsibility of people back home to cail the traveler some time after arrival to welcome her home. GENTLE READER Miss Manners sides with you, for the reasons you cited. In addition, you might ask your friend to con- sider which is easier to say in tone of delighted surprise: ‘‘1’m back!’’ or ‘SSo — | guess you’re back.” DEAR MISS MANNERS What is the proper role of the fa- ther of the bride wher the bride chooses her stepfather to walk her down the aisle? There is no estrangement be- MISS MANNERS tween father and daughter, and he has provided financial and emo- tional support from infancy through college. The bride simply feels closer to her stepfather, hav- ing lived with him and her mother almost all her life. Surely the father’s rele does not Reception should be a From page 33 went to the funeral service to help arrange the reception and the two of them soon decided that some- one should be offering a funeral reception service. “It (reception) was such a rush job. You don’t have a lot of time to plan,”’ she said. “At the reception, the first people to arrive were the elderly and if Linda wasn’t there, no one would have been there to greet them,’” says Donaldson. “At my parent’s funeral | never saw Linda for four hours,”’ she added. Stonehouse says that during the funeral of an immediate family member or a good friend, people usually want to have friends sit- ting next to them. They don’t want to worry about reception ar- rangements. Another specialized service the two women offer is home security. Unfortunately, says Stonehouse, there are people who will scan the Tai-Chi classes offered NORTH SHORE Neighbourhood House (NSNH) is offering Tai Chi classes for adults and seniors at beginner, intermediate and ad- vanced levels. Tai Chi is a_ soft internal Chinese style of Martial Art that is useful for fitness, stress redu- tion and self-defence, say orga- nizers. Classes begin on July 9 and will be available every Tuesday and ~ Thursday morning. For more information on fees and times cali 987-8138 or visit the NSNH at 225 East 2nd St. in North Vancouver, obituary section of newspapers to find out when funerals are hap- pening. While the funeral service is in progress, they will go to the address listed for the reception and rob the residence. But Donaldson and Stonehouse will stay at the reception house until family members and guests arrive. , ‘It’s very common to have a home broken into, and at that time (mourning) it could be very devastating,”’ says Stonehouse. “We're a small company, but we hope to grow. Denise and | have never laughed so much about death. The problem is that people $24 MANUFACTURER AL SPAS * CAL SPAS: ::; CAL RPAS +. CAL SPAS ‘+ Not valid with anv other special Cenuin cestncoons apne SPAS +CAL SPAS +: * 8’x8’ DE-S Spa (as above) * XL 800 Gazebo $449 geo 988-4006 1480 MARINE DR., NORTH VAN. “CAL-GPAS ¢ CAL SPAS *, CAL SPAS... CAL SPAS-* CAL SPAS: just become that of a guest. But I have heard no alternative offered that would give an honored role fo the father at the wedding and/or reception. GENTLE READER The proper role of the father in these circumstances is to beam. He must project this beam so that no one has any excuse for believing that his daughter or her stepfather has slighted him, or that he is miffed at either of them. He may certainly be in the receiving line, if the stepfather and father of the bridegroom are: if they choose instead to circulate as hosts, he may do the same. This consists of welcoming guests, © seeing to it that no one is strand- ed, and confessing to everyone that he can hardly imagine his lit- tle girl is old enough to be mar- ried. Presuming there is no animosity among different parts of the fami- ly, he should be seated with the other parents at the wedding breakfast. He may so assume — not necessaiity exclusively —- such fatherly privileges as offering a toast to the couple, enjoying an early dance with the bride, and enjoining the bridegroom to take good care of her. DEAR MISS MANNERS — I celebration just can’t face death. We want the funeral reception to be a celebra- tion of (the) life of that person.”* Donaldson adds that a lot of women, because of their jobs, do not have the time to arrange a funeral reception. “We go in there and we’re not part of the emotional drain.”’ Stonehouse says the company hopes to confine itself to just the North Shore. Both women are North Shore natives, Stonehouse having grown up in North Van- couver and Donaldson having grown up in West Vancouver. For more information about the service call 987-2090. OVER 150,000 SATISFIED CAL SPAS CUSTOMERS! CAL SPAS +. CAL SPAS '* CAL SPAS * CAL SPAS * CAL SPAS « OR $157 mo. 0.A.C. ‘SPAS JCAL SPAS ©. asked 2 young woman IF worked with how she and her hushand were. She married about 2 year ago, and I know the man as well. She informed me she was get- ting divorced. Her reply was clear- ly bitter and angry. I fell silent after that and went back to work. (We work right next to each other.) Silence seemed wrong, but [| couldn't think what would be right to say, considering how upset she was. GENTLE READER — lady is not excused, on the grounds of personal pain, from treating a conventional politeness as an affront. Miss Manners would have murmured quictly, ‘I hope you'll both be very happy,” and return- ed, as you did, to work. DEAR MiSS MANNERS — I would very much like to know whether one takes a present for the hostess of a reception given in honor of a visitiag professional. Siace the focus of the meeting is this person's professional attain- The ments, rather than it being the visit’ of Aunt Grace's dearest friend from finishing school, it has an obvious business character. Nevertheless, these fetes are gen- erally held in a private home in the fate afternoon, so they also seem to have a somewhat social character. How much easier it would be if one were invited to tea, where visiting dignitaries were present among the other guests, rather than to a reception. GENTLE READER — As a matter of fact, you don’t have to take Aunt Grace a present when her friend from finishing school is visiting, either. Miss Manners is aware that many people never go out to dinner without taking along a little present — and she often has to calm them down when they find that presents of food and drink need not be incorporated in- to that night’s menu — but no such offering is required. The reciprocation for attending a party is not a present but a return in- vitation. Charance 4ne Se Me A great opportunity to own fine quality home furnishings at great reductions. Our entire gallery stock is on sale, Bedroom, Dining room & occasional tables, softs, Jove seats, chairs. 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