20 ~ Sunday, March 29, 1992 - North Shore News

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Today’s marriages are a unique
blend of the past and the present

THE INSTITUTION of marriage
has undergone many changes in
past decades, yet it has not only
survived these changes, but
emerged stronger than ever.

It wasn’t too long ago that
sociologists and cthers concluded
—~ from the high incidence of
divorce — that marriage was
doomed.

In the ’80s, however, marriage
started coming back into fashion,
and now many couples are
heading to the altar for the second
or even third time.

The average bride and groom
are older than their counterparts
of previous decades. They are also
better educated and are likely to
have established themselves in
their careers.

The current emphasis on choos-
ing a partner. carefully and going
into marriage With realistic expec-
tations may not seem very roman-
tic to some, but it is clear that

Jove at first sight doesn’t always
fast. ,

Whirlwind courtships and hasty
marriages often don’t give couples
enough time to see cach other in
both good times and bad.

As well, the belief that the
perfect mate will make one’s life
complete and fulfilled can fead to
the kind of marriages that end in
disappointment and anger.

People who have already been
married and divorced tend to ap-
proach their subsequent marriages

cautiously, but hopefully. These -

days, about one-third of all wed-
dings involve at least one person
who has been married before.

Remarriage is so common now
that entire books and magazine
articles are devoted to the special
concerns of the new blended fami-
lies that are created when a mar-
tiage takes place between people
who already have children from
previous marriages.

And, because so many mar-

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riages today are remarriages,
social attitudes towards second
and third weddings have changed
considerably.

In the 1952 edition of Amy
Vanderbilt’s Complete Book of
Etiquette, Vanderbilt adyises that
the “older woman who has been
divorced does not send engraved
wedding invitations, although she
may invite a few close friends and
telatives to a small ceremony.”’

Vanderbilt also insisted . that
children from the previous mar-
riage should never, under any cir-
cumstances, attend their mother’s
(or father’s) second wedding.

Today most parents make
special efforts to include’ their
children. in their wedding . plans.
Often the children are part of the
wedding party.

Of course, each family should
do what feels most comfortable
for the individual -family
members.

The emphasis now is more on the
importance of sharing a joyful
new beginning together.

In fact, that goes for any wed-
ding. The best kind of wedding to
have is the kind that feels right to
the couple getting married.

Of course, budgetary con-
straints usually must be taken into
consideration, but if a couple
wants a big wedding, a little
research and comparison shopping
can help them have what they
want, within their budget.

Today’s weddings draw on the
traditions of the past, while
breaking with the ‘customs - that -
seem outdated to the participants.

For example, the bride’s family
traditionally paid for the wedding,
but _ that tended to be quite al
burden.

Now it’s more likely: ‘that the .-

bride and groom —. especially if . ©
they are a dual-career couple — .
will pay for their wedding or at
least help out.

Also common is the practice of
the couple’s families splitting the.”
expenses in whatever way seems
fairto both. ~~

Today’s weddings combine the
elegance and romance of age-old
customs and traditions with the
personal style that was at the
heart of the anything goes wed-
dings of the ’60s and early 70s.

It is likely that weddings will
continue to evoive, keeping the
best of the past while continuing
to add innovations that accurately
reflect the reality of the present,
as well as the dreams and ideals of
the couples who marry.

1992 ANNUAL EDITION
"CARE FOR ME”-THE WHALES

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