C2 - Wednesday, December 19, 1984 - North Shore News WOMAN OFFENDED Profanities used in business We're Moving EAR MISS MANNERS: I am in low-level management at a medium-sized corpora- tion; one of two females in management in my division. Usually, | am the only female present at meetings I| attend. My problem 1s protanity. When there are heated discussions during meetings, it IS not unusual or un- justifiable for one to utter an occasional expletive, and ! am sure the men do this free- ly when no females are pre- sent. However, when | am present, the men are reluctant to use protanity, and | am quite uncomftortable with the way some of them handle this. One man_= swears, turns to me and says ‘‘Sorry”’ or ‘‘Excuse my) French.”’ Another man very obviously substitutes milder phrases for common. profane phrases, then turns to me and says, “‘l would have said something else, but 1 didn’t want to of- fend you.”’ then How should |! respond in these situations? | have been responding with a slight nod or bref weak smile, but | would like to be able to tell them in an unobtrusive man- ner to stop singlhng me out It seems to me that it they deliberately choose to use protanity despite the belet that | would be offended. an miss manners by Judith Martin Revenant a tae ee rea] apology becomes a mockery, and if they choose not to use profanity. itis certainly un- necessary to call attention to that tact GENTLE READER it amazing, Isn't in an era where really crude speech has become common among both men and women, that this problem persists? You would think that these men would realize that the tantalizing possibility of shocking women with words has been gone for some time now. Even Miss Manners, who dislikes such language, cannot pretend to be so un- familiar with it aS tO pass oul cold if profanity reaches her dainty ears. And if they didn’t know tt, one would think, as you point out, that they would therefore forswear swearing in front of women. They are telling you by first swearing and = then apologizing: That you are a lady, rather than a colleague, and that although they are trying to be gentlemen, you ought to be upset enough by how men behave when they are alone to know that you are Out of place. The most common way that women disabuse them of this idea ts to swear back, on- ly worse. Miss Manners asks you to forego this satisfac- tron. It hurts her to. see anyone purposely meet the lowest prevailing standards. Anvway, she believes it would be more effective to take a businesslike approach. 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FRANKS APPLIANCES t TDD 503. 15th St (A oPrcoort Dobe bh Neoetty Cope, GD MP te? _ West Vancouver col MA ygeiutves [oe _ J Mi betty come ep eh acat dae, La DAA EST D 1896 926-0124 STE RIO ARM: COM oert ' ctdery cafotel th (that the entire room can hear), ‘lL think we would save tame if you decide either to swear Or not to swear, but not take up valuable meeting time with your apologies.’’ DEAR MISS MANNERS — {| have a distinctive name and a high-profile professional position. Two persons with the same last name have oc- casionally been the subject of news coverage about their pending criminal charges. Such media accounts always trigger the disagreeable ques- tion, ‘‘Are you~ related to...?"" This) situation has been going on for several years and is likely to continue for several more. What does Miss Manners suggest? GENTLE READER — You don’t have an etiquette pro- blem. 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